RAPPED

The man can do NO WRONG:

LUNCHED

Yesterday, the return of cold(er) weather and creamy tomato soup beckoned me like a moth to a flame to visit my local Panera Bread. This particular Panera is ALWAYS crowded; lunchtime is certainly the worst. I was dining solo, so after getting my food, I paced the restaurant until I found an empty table. It was actually two smaller two-top tables pushed together. I scooted all the way to the wall, so that if it was needed (and surely, it would be) the superfluous two-top table could be extradited from my dining area and repurposed a few feet away as another "private" table for two.

I settled into my chair and did the female version of marking my territory – I put my purse across the table. My spoon had just taken a dive in the delicious soup when a pair of elderly ladies came around the corner looking for seats. No room at the inn.

“You can use this table if you need to,” I helpfully offered. There was a big empty hole in the maze of tables where this table had once been, but as I explained, it had been scooted over to form a large, four-top table where my soup and I were having an awesome first date. I assumed they were going to scoot it back to where it had once been. I moved my purse even closer to me, completely off the extra table, indicating that it was theirs for the taking.

They set their trays down on the table and thanked me for sharing.

And THEN, their friend came around the corner.

I looked at them. They looked at me. I looked at the space in the floor where they were supposed to be moving this table. They looked at their friend. She was making a beeline towards the seat across from me, where my purse was firmly planted.

Oh, hell no.

The friend was a total game changer. I was not about to share my quiet lunch with three little old church ladies. There is not enough soup in the world. I snatched my purse up just as the third wheel pulled up to the table and set. her. tray. down. I grabbed my tray and shot up out of my chair.

“Oh no- you don’t have to go! You don’t have to leave!” they crowed.

“No really, it’s okay. I thought you were going to MOVE the table away. I’ll find another place to sit.”

“Oh are you sure? You don’t have to do that!”

REALLY? I DON’T??? I wanted to ask them what exactly my choices were in this situation: give them my table, or share an awkward lunch with the three of them? This is not Wednesday night Senior Supper. I am not at Panera to make friends. It had been a crummy morning and in the mood I was in, I’d have rather eaten outside… standing up… balancing on one foot… than have sat another minute at that table with the church ladies.

They won the battle but I won the war. As soon as I got up, I spied a nice cozy booth that I was definitely not sharing with anyone, and then treated myself to a Starbucks Toffee Mocha afterward.

The end.

WEDDINGED

This past weekend, Mary Byrne tied the knot to her fiancé Chris. Clearly, they worked things out. It was a sweet wedding, with lots of personal touches. I was so glad to be included in the festivities… and may or may not have a bruise on my left palm from some relentless use of the band’s tambourine. I also rocked out with the cowbell for a while. Good times.

Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Dailey!

PUNCTUATED

Today is a very special day. It's National Punctuation Day!

I don't know when I became such a punctuation snob advocate for good grammar. My mom was an English major. She taught us to proofread by cutting out articles from the newspaper and asking us to find the mistake. Thanks to her, I can't read a headline like this without wanting to scream:
Granted, that is not a punctuation error so much as common sense.

Anyway, I thought those of you that enjoy (yes ENJOY) good grammar and the laws of punctuation might want to celebrate this holiday with me. Nerds unite!

DOLLIED

Tuesday night, I was a privileged lady. I received an invite to attend the opening night of 9 to 5: the Musical, complete with pre-show reception and VIP after party with the cast. Since this was the world premiere of the national tour, there was quite a lot of hoopla involved: limos, red carpets, VIP passes and celebrities such as Naomi Judd, Bo Bice and Oprah's father.

Oh, and one other celebrity was there too:
Yep, that's really her. The one and only Dolly Parton! This was taken at the pre-show reception, a smart move on my behalf because the after party was much more crowded. But not so crowded that I couldn't get autographs of the leading ladies and Dolly herself, who wrote every song in the musical, on my Playbill (which has become a family tradition). She also came out to greet and thank the crowd after the curtain call:

But enough about my hob-knobbing. The show is SO great! I purchased tickets to tonight's show a while back and I am more than giddy about seeing it again, this time with my friend Missy. If it's coming to your city (Atlanta, Charlotte, Huntsville, Tampa, Memphis: I'm talking to you), then you need to buy tickets today!

AUBURNED

So, judging from the spirits my mom and Evan were into when we GOT to Auburn, you can only imagine how FUN!! the car ride to Auburn was. I’m kidding – we did laugh a lot. We took advantage of having a Friend of Aubie in our presence and hit him up with a lot of questions.

About halfway to campus, we got a phone call letting us know that our usual tailgate spot behind Mell Hall had been occupied by a new group: the African Student Association... okey dokey, then! Since our sweet roper-offer and daughter of the family with whom we tailgate was unable to convince them to move, or explain to them what a sacred spot a tailgate location can be, we made alternate plans and tailgated about 30 yards away. But still. Tradition is tradition.

We took some photos (and video) when we got there before everyone started sweating (literally and {at the game} figuratively). Knowing this was 90% likely my only trip to Lee County this fall, I was dying to see the new dorms and sorority chapter rooms I had heard so much about as well as the new Auburn arena. We'd planned to arrive on campus early enough to get to do that. So, after a while at the tailgate, Jamie, Jennie and I set off to see the sites.

First stop, McCartney brick plaza at the stadium entrance to see my family's brick. I have never seen it before so it was neat to finally get the chance. My grandparents were die-hard Auburn fans. Maybe I'll do some posts about just how die-hard sometime soon.

Next stop, the new arena! It was super nice! Small, but cool. I was much more excited about seeing old friends while I was in that area (first of a few Thanks For Going Out of Your Way award goes to Dave – it was good to see you!) and seeing the creed engraved on the outside than I was about anything inside (though the Hall of Honor was cool). I am surprised how close the new dorms are to the stadium – I thought they would be way further out. Unsure of how I was going to get into the chapter room, I considered it true divinity when I passed an adorable flock of girls wearing ADPi Loves AU buttons on their dresses. Success! I meekly asked if one of them could let me and my family in. After all, I did help pay for the thing. It is SO GORGEOUS. I can’t imagine what life is like down there now. A full, beautiful kitchen with no ants; a spacious chapter room with a giant TV that probably makes for some fun group TV watching… I’ll say it – I am jealous. I also found two old friends while I was in there. Big thanks to Caroline from Hoover letting us in and not making me feel too terribly old and removed.

From there, we headed to stake out a spot at the Tiger Walk. That was a blast. Is it ever NOT a blast? I miss the days that I recognized the players. This time, I only recognized Aubie, Coach Cheezit (at one point in the weekend, I think it was the ride home, we started calling him Coach Cheezit – I recommend it), Coach Taylor, and Cam Newton because he was huge and got the most noise. Sad. But Terrell Zachary’s mom was beside us, and we told her that her son was gonna do great that day. And you know what? He did! YouTube his 78-yard TD pass if you need proof.

So after the Tiger Walk, we split up again before heading into the game. I met up with my sweet friend Todd for a quick conversation and a refreshing beverage. The second Thanks for Going Out of Your Way award goes to you, Todd! I met up with my sister and brother-in-law, who were in the long line to enter the stadium and we found our seats.

Besides the yucky parts of the game, and the incredibly rude Clemson fans, it was a good game. A nail-biter for sure. But like I have said several times since then, last year for the Bama game, we were going wild for 58 minutes and got quieted in the final two. I would much rather have a game where we are quiet for most of some of the game and get to go wild at the end for a W. How weird is it that this game, which was decided by a kicking penalty, was exactly six years after the LSU-AU game in 2004, which was ALSO decided by a kicking penalty—right Sam?

We cheered hard and got pictures and bathed in the glory of a victory before heading back to the tailgate to party a little more before the long drive home. Evan found the Bondses while he was headed to the car and brought them to see me – so the third Thanks for Going Out of Your Way award goes to Wes and Jen and baby bump Bonds, which is so cute in person!

We made it home safe and sound around 2 am and Evan and I pulled out of town after dropping Jennie and Jamie off at the airport the next morning. I guess they get the final Thanks for Going Out of Your Way award since they did travel the farthest to see me.

BIRMINGHAMMED

As I mentioned, I was in Birmingham and Auburn over the weekend. It was a whirlwind trip from start to finish: exactly thirty minutes before I was planning to leave town, a little bird decided he wanted to hop in and fly south with me. No problemo.

My mom's two favorite things in the world are Evan and dressing just like me. So imagine her surprise when we walk in Taziki’s: not only are she and I accidentally wearing the very same top (BECAUSE I BOUGHT IT AND WORE IT HOME IN AUGUST WHICH PROMPTED HER TO RUN OUT AND BUY IT TOO) but right behind me was Evan. I thought she was going to wet her pants. The three of us had dinner with my brother-in-law’s mom, who had driven in to see her baby boy since Jennie and Jamie are so rarely in Alabama. Evan’s uncle came to pick him up while Mom, Jamie's mom and I made our airport run to collect my sister and brother-in-law. Jamie opened his birthday presents and we enjoyed birthday cake!

Friday, I had a lunch date with another Jamie, the original Jamie in my life. She is due with a little bundle of joy in October and I am so excited for her. I could hardly wait to give her this little guy – the only thing resembling Big Al I’ve EVER bought (or intend to buy) in my entire life. But for this little Bama baby, I made an exception. My talented friend Julia made this especially for Gage; isn’t it adorable?
Pretty sure Jamie’s husband Les, who is an Auburn fan like me, isn’t too happy but whatever. This little guy is worth it! I don’t know why this is the only picture I got that day, especially since her little baby bump is so adorable!

So after an amazing visit over an amazing lunch, I carted my sister and mother around all afternoon. They were eager to shop and because my brother in law had my mom’s car for the day, I was their chauffeur. Nothing says Quality Bonding Time like 280 traffic! Jennie and Jamie had plans that night, so Mom and I ventured off to Pablo’s for some girl talk and margaritas at Pablo’s. Since we were all planning to get up bright and early to head to the Plains, we hit the hay with visions of Aubie dancing in our head.

Auburn deserves a post of its own, don’t you think? Even more so when you only make one trip a year. How said is that! WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO?

EAGLED

I'm back from Auburn! It was a great trip. I'll tide you over with this until I can write a full recap complete with pictures (I've started having my sister fill in as my personal photographer or "zap girl!"; the pictures are always better, but they go with her to DC until she gets ready to upload them).

So feast your eyes on this in the mean time.

Q: What do you get when you take one fun-loving, former championship mascot and one equally fun-loving but borderline crazy lady wearing a top that gives her wings?



A: MAYHEM. And if you think either of them were any calmer in the car ride to OR from Auburn, you are sorely mistaken.

BELLIED

I finished Water for Elephants. It was very good! I am looking forward to the movie. Assuming I see it in theaters, it will be my first Robert Pattinson film that I have seen. But the book - it was great. I recommend it!

I also finished the Kill Bill series. Volume 2 was mine over the weekend and I watched it Saturday after some grape stomping and football. So you know how my three greatest fears are being buried alive, sharks and driving in the rain? In Kill Bill vol. 2, there's a pretty realistic "buried alive" scene. For most of it, the screen is completely black (like you're in the box with the victim), so you don't hear anything but the victim crying and the dirt being shoveled on the grave. It was so completely scary. I had to pause it and take a lap just to calm myself down. That Quentin Tarantino. So clever. But the movie was great, both parts. I recommend it if you can handle a little gore. It's DEFINITELY not as bad as Inglorious Basterds, but there are still you know... decapitations and stuff.

Last but not least, I tried belly dancing class last night. Why not? It was fun. I don't know that I will go back, as it didn't feel like a tremendous workout, but it was still a lot of fun. Kate went with me (or did I go with her?) and we learned a lot of the proper techniques for belly dancing. Shakira better watch her back belly.

RACEY

Part two of my extremely adventurous weekend – Sunday afternoon, I was in a scavenger hunt!

My friends Erin, Katie and Mary Byrne and I rallied together to comprise Team Awesome, aka the best team in town. We were fierce, we were fast, we kicked everyone’s tail!
None of us were really sure what to expect from this race. We met up Sunday afternoon, changed into our official shirts and then started strategizing. Upon getting our clue sheet, our plan was to split up reading/digesting the clues evenly and whomever figured one out first take off. We would do the rest of our planning en route.

I pinned down a clue for us to head to first and we were on the move toward the Willie Nelson mural on Almond Street (“At the intersection of a street named for a nut that gives candy joy and a street that shares a last name with two non-presidents on our greenbacks, you’ll find a mural of this noted 77-year-old Texan – take a photo with him!”) We were off and before we knew it, we had four clues down, seven to go. While en route to Willie, we checked off the clues that asked us to find someone wearing a Vince Young jersey (“Hope they started the season off right! Find a Titans fan wearing this Madison High School graduate’s jersey. Have them mime a perfect spiral pass to your team catching it while one of your members indicates how many passing TDs the Titans had today!”); find a visitor from a state that started with the letter N and pose Charlie’s Angels style with a policeman. Lucky for us, the guy with the man in Vince Young’s jersey happened to be from New Jersey, and there were cops directing traffic a block over. Score!
For our fifth stop, we had to hit up My Least Favorite Bridge in the History of All Bridges. “This bridge was almost demolished in 1990, but made a pretty big comeback with the entirety of the video for Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy filmed on its span. Take your picture on one of the balconies between its trestles with the Nashville skyline in the background – have your team mimic the tallest and most famous element of the skyline.” So we had to pose like Batman on the bridge. From there, we planned to run down to the tacky sculpture and pose with “the bit that looks most like a rose petal” –a decision that cost us the race.
Let me explain. We had to complete 11 of 12 clues, which meant we could pick one to skip. We were just trying to check them off as fast as possible and figured there’d be at least one we didn’t know and would therefore elect to skip. BUT the problem with crossing the bridge is that you have to RECROSS it. Which takes some time. Only a fool can run the whole way so you are dedicating some serious minutes to getting back on the other side of the river. But, we didn’t figure that out until we were back at Paradise Park throwing back some beer and tater tots. Instead, we ran the length of the bridge and down to the riverfront, got our picture with the sculpture and headed up the river bank to the other bridge, so we could end up near the government buildings close to where the we had figured the remaining clues were.

We piled on top of each other in front of the Capitol (“make a human pyramid using at least one stranger on the rolling hills in front of this prominent structure, which also serves as the its architect’s tomb. Make sure you capture the flag on the building’s spire in the photo!”); found the limestone columns that used to be in the State Capitol and contemplated checking off the clue that would have taken us down the hill to State Map plaza, but figured that could be our skipped clue. We had three to go!

We raced to Fort Nashborough (“This reconstructed stockade miraculously avoided the floods this year—but the waters came within a few feet. Find the cabin with the spinning wheel and take a photo in its doorway”) and then took off toward the Ryman (“Find a building, monument or object that’s just half as old as this crazy town and take a picture with it;”) and then we had one clue left. We had to jump on any stage at any bar and pretend to be rockstars. I SPRINTED to the Stage. We ran right inside and tossed off our team camera to a bar patron who is probably still scratching his head wondering what was going on. No one stopped us from jumping on stage and hitting our pose, and once we got our final clue in the books, we had to cross one street and we were done.
I barely looked both ways before completely jaywalking (jayrunning?) across Broadway and into Paradise Park, where we learned we finished in FOURTH place out of 80+ teams. Pretty good right? Except that first, second and third place got cash prizes. We were 5 minutes off. Oh well. I managed to parlay that into some free tater tots, which we enjoyed while we recapped the race and laughed at what we just accomplished.

All in all – I had a blast. I am sore today but I’d do this event again in a minute. I had a great team, we all kept up with each other pretty well and having a really fast iPhone on the team proved incredibly beneficial (thanks Erin!) If the Challenge is coming to your city and you can run/walk 3—4 miles, I recommend you sign up!

Here is our path, give or take. I circled in red the stretch we should have avoided. Our official time was 68:44!

STOMPED

What a weekend. I was a busy girl and loved every minute. I’ll start with Saturday and tomorrow I will tell you about Sunday’s activities.

Saturday, I attended the Italian Lights Festival with some darling pledge sisters of mine that live in Nashville. We were lured to the festival with the promise of Free Admission, a grape-stomping competition (limited to only 125 participants, mind you, but offering cash prizes for most juice AND best stomp style) and a $15 wine garden, where the wine is free when you buy a souvenir glass. Sounds great, right?

Corrie and Katie picked me up and we made our way to Bordeaux for the festival, which was a fund-raiser for a school, so I can’t really be too bothered by the way the day played out, but the event coordinator in me was really fit to be tied. We follow the signs to the school and are greeted with a $5 parking sign. Okay. A little sneaky but whatever. We pay our cash and head inside. First stop – registering for the grape stomping! The web site and all the materials said registration begins at 11 am with the stomping starting at 1 pm.

After waiting for 20 minutes for the registration booth to come together, we signed up. And by signed up, I mean we told the lady what was going on, including what age group we were in as well as how much our registration fee was. She wasn’t well-informed, but no matter. We had bigger fish to fry than an organized registration process.

NOWHERE did it state that the Wine Garden was limited to three pours per person. In fact, we are pretty sure the web site said “unlimited” and then took it down. It wasn’t until we walked up to buy the small souvenir glasses that we saw that fine print. Well, $5 for a small glass is not really a deal. Indignant, Katie tried to talk her way into at least a fourth pour, but they were not budging.

I think I was the one who got the bright idea for what came next. We loaded up in the car and went in search of our OWN wine. We found a liquor store less than a mile away, bought two cheap bottles of wine and rounded up some plastic cups from the Dollar Tree next door, and enjoyed our own “wine garden” in Rebecca’s car until it was time to stomp. We ended up feeling really risky and took our cups in with us! I just knew we’d get kicked out, but no one said a word about it.
Not wanting to be tardy, but knowing our age group was fourth in line, we arrived at the stomping tent at 1 pm to find utter chaos. I would have taken charge but it was more fun watching the chaos unfold. The guy that was running the show – Ernesto, pictured below – had received little to no instruction as to what was supposed to happen. He soon came to depend on our little group for further instruction. He didn’t know what the age groups were; he didn’t have a stopwatch for time (he’d look our direction and ask "how much time?" I’d look at my watch and regardless of what it said, just start shouting "30! 29! 28! 27!" etc); he’d grab an “impartial” audience member to look at the juice to determine the winner… it was just madness.
Finally after the children had stomped, it was time for the big girls. Just as we were thinking we had it in the bag, another group of girls our age walked up. Foiled! When Ernesto realized we were all the same age, he decided to split us up. Katie and Rebecca stomped against two boys that were in high school, leaving Corrie and I to stomp against the other girls.


They stomped their hearts out but in the end, Rebecca came out on top. Even though we’d been promised cash, and then Monell’s gift cards, Rebecca was led to the merch tent where she picked out an Italian flag apron. This was really upsetting, because we were counting on some big prizes. While Corrie and I geared up to stomp, Katie and Rebecca worked the crowd until they found the person who held the key to a nicer reward than an apron.

Corrie and I had to double up since there weren’t enough buckets for everyone in our age group that wanted to stomp. That totally spoiled my plan to lock down best stomping style using my advanced tap dance skills, but no matter. Corrie and I had a surefire plan to win – I would stomp inside and she’d stomp the perimeter. This was a smart plan, until one lady decided she wanted her large husband to stomp with her. So we had three buckets with a pair of girls, and then one bucket with a large man and his wife. UNFAIR but we gave it our best effort.

Normally I don’t like getting incredibly dirty, but I didn’t mind getting ankle deep in some grapes. It was a blast. Can you believe they are really gonna use that juice to make communion wine? Me either, but that’s what they told us (you can see in one of these photos that Katie had a sample of hers). So, knowing the future of the communion wine rested in our hands feet, we stomped our hearts out and were amazed when it came down to us and the man and wife. The “impartial judge from the audience” called it in his favor, so technically, Corrie and I lost.
BUT – while we were competing, Rebecca was told she had won a Monell’s gift card and we should go inside the school and wait on the person who has them (AKA the owner of Monell’s who happens to be Italian, hence their involvement with this festival). While we were waiting, it started to rain, so a lot of other people came indoors as well. To entertain myself them, I started singing "Ave Maria" in my best (fake) Italian-operatic voice. Which prompted two different people to whip out business cards and ask me to e-mail them about singing that song (at the school we were in, and at next year's festival). I didn't have the heart to tell them that I didn't fully know it (nor was I catholic, if in fact that matters). Finally Monell's owner Mr. King came around and gave us all gift cards. That may or may not have had something to do with me telling him I had won our age group. Whatever – it was so close between us and that couple! I will laugh all the way to Monell’s.

After lunch/early dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant, we contemplated rounding out the day with a stop at the Greek Festival but decided we’d seen enough culture for one day. All of my complaints aside, it was fun and I am glad we went!

MACARONIED

Today I have another installment of Cooking for One which really should be called Cooking for Dummies, because let's face it, this is THAT basic.

Last night, I tried my hand at something I had never, ever made before - macaroni and cheese. I'm not talking that about Kraft or Velveeta, okay? I was no stranger to the Easy Mac in college. This time, I wanted real, creamy, crunchy mac and cheese and I was gonna make it myself.

Enter Julia. Julia is a coworker whom I invited to come to bunko one month, and has since become a very dear friend! Julia is basically Martha Stewart but much cuter and probably a lot sweeter too. I mean, look at that cute little cake she made for our bunko group! So, Julia has become my go-to for all things domestic and that includes learning how to make the simplest of dishes. In case anyone lacks a Julia in their life, allow me to share this incredibly tasty, idiot-proof way to make macaroni and cheese:

Step one: make your macaroni. Cook it half the time the box recommends. Assuming that's 4 to 5 minutes, as soon as you put your pasta in the boiling water, melt some butter and some flour (she suggested 3 tbsp of each) in a pan. When that melts and thickens up, add some milk. She suggested a cup. It is very rare that I have milk in my household. The last time I had some was for my sister's visit in June, and before that I don't know. I just never buy it because I don't drink it. So assuming you have milk, add a cup. Whisk that together until it's thick. Toss in some cheese - I used sharp cheddar but I'm getting creative next time and doing a gouda blend or something crazy. Once the cheese is nice and incorporated, add salt and pepper to taste and keep stirring until your macaroni is ready. Drain the noodles, put them in your dish, pour cheese sauce on top and mix it up. I poured some breadcrumbs on top of mine for texture and baked it for 30 minutes on 350.
Serve alongside a tasty petite sirloin and an episode of Rachel Zoe Project. DELICIOUS. In fact, I am heading home to have some more with my lunch.

FENCED

Last week was the first football game for a whole legion of new students at Auburn. I have a LOT of memories from my time at Auburn but my very first game as a student is a memory I do not like to think about.

I had a new outfit, a new boyfriend and could not have been more excited about my first game as an official Auburn student aka on The Other Side of the Fence. If you are familiar with Jordan-Hare, you know that a few years back they erected a chain-link fence on either side of the student section. I always wondered if that fence was designed to keep the students in, or to keep the non-students out. I would soon find out.

Part of being a pledge freshman is that you often get tapped to go and save seats for the upperclassmen – this is before they started handing out those tickets for block seating. We were still a good hour or more away from kickoff but the Fiji pledges were looking large and in charge holding down section 27. So there we were, a group of about 45 or 50 (pledges, plus dates), when a cop marched up to our group.

“Which one of you is Josh S********?” he bellowed.

At this point, I wanted to die. Like I said, Josh was my brand-new boyfriend. We had met that summer at CWE. All I knew about him was where he was from, that he was trying to pledge Fiji and had the MOST GORGEOUS blue eyes I had ever seen in my 18 years (I guess I have a thing for blue-eyed boys). Coincidentally, my best friend’s older brother happened to be a Fiji and at the end of the summer, when he confirmed that they offered a summer bid to the boy with blue eyes from Clay, I knew I could make my move find Josh at the first band party of the school year. Which I did. By the end of the night, he’d asked me to the football game. We hung out almost every day that week and it was going well.

Until NOW. The pledges parted like the red sea to turn and point in unison to poor Josh. He looked stunned. The officer zeroed in on Josh and I just knew he was about to arrest him for selling drugs outside the stadium and we were both going to go to jail. But instead, he asked Josh a question that probably sealed the downfall of the relationship right then and there.

“Where’s your date, Lindsay?”

Cue sweet little Josh AND all the pledges pointing at ME. WHAT THE HELL! I didn’t do anything wrong, unless looking this awesome on a first date is a crime! Someone call a lawyer! Whatever it is, I didn’t do it!

I swear to you that I would rather that cop had drawn his gun and shot me then have said out loud, in public, what came next. “Your mother wants to see you over at the fence.”

NOW I REALLY wanted to die. And I was fully prepared to take my mom down with me. Unbelievable. The game hadn’t even started, and she’d managed to ruin it for me. I told him he’d have to handcuff me first – I was not budging. I looked over to her, parked at the fence and grinning like the cheshire cat. I gave the cutthroat sign. Then I think my next action was to whip out my cell phone and call my dad to beg him to put my mother in the first car back to Birmingham.

This may sound dramatic, but if you’ve ever been on a first date, picture yourself on that first date and surrounded by 40+ other people you are not dating but still trying to make a great impression on, and then throw in a police officer walking up and telling you that your mother wants to see you.

Her side of the story is that she was standing at the fence (mistake #1 – what are we, circus animals? Sit down!) with her binoculars (SERIOUSLY? we were two sections away not two miles) when the cop came up to HER and asked whom she was looking for. Well, that opened the floodgates. She rattled off my name, a description of what I had on, my date’s name (obviously) and pointed out where we were sitting. But yet, she claims she was SURPRISED when the cop turned tail and went to go find me! She says she never asked him to go find me. Because what part of standing at the fence with binoculars does not indicate I wish to speak to someone on the other side of that fence? I will never believe her. Whatever that cop did, she invited it.

So from this we learn two things – 1. That fence is 100%, most definitely there to keep non-students out/away from the students (still not far enough); 2. My mother is certifiably crazy. And of course Josh and I broke up a few months later, like I didn't see THAT coming. I'm sure he's married into a family much more normal than my own.

Ahhh memories. Happy Wednesday.

CLEANED

How to ruin your Labor Day weekend aka MessFest 2010:

Go to your closet. Pull out one pair of pants. Decide to weed through all of your pants. Decide to weed through all of your hanging clothes. Decide to weed through all of your clothes in general. Decide to weed through all of your clothes and your shoes while you’re at it. Decide to weed through all of your clothes, your shoes too and a few storage tubs that have been taking up space in your closet floor but you’re not really sure what’s inside them. Decide to weed through all of your clothes, your shoes too, a few storage tubs that have been taking up space in your closet floor but you’re not really sure what’s in them and some bins under your bed too. Y’all – that’s pretty much everything in my apartment! It took Saturday, Sunday and yesterday to wrap the job up.

So clearly, I was indoors a lot this Labor Day which, in hindsight, is a shame because it was gorgeous but you know what else is gorgeous? Free space in my closet. My shoes lined up neatly in two long rows. Thirty or so unused hangers plus another ten wire ones that are going to Evan so I can have a marshmallow-roasting stick for my next smore. A big box of shoes and a pile of clothes that are going to Goodwill this week. Two tubs of trash in the dumpster.

So I guess you could say I did my spring cleaning… six months later.

Things I also did this weekend – watched the last half of the Auburn game (I was working during the first half), watched Kill Bill Vol. 1, started reading Water for Elephants, and wore my glasses almost the whole weekend.

Hope you had a good holiday!

NONCHALANT

Well, I hate to say I told you so, but if you ever heard my Sermon on the Mount about how great Miranda Lambert is, then I TOLD YOU SO. The CMA nominations were announced today and homegirl racked up. Deservedly so. I remember a Certain Someone telling me I should go work for her since I loved her and her album so much. "Just wait until next fall when her album is eligible," I said. Looks like I know what I'm talking about.

Speaking of things I love, a tentative trip to the Auburn/Clemson game has turned into a full-fledged weekend at home with my family. When I found out my sister and her husband had booked flights home for that weekend, I immediately altered my schedule so I could come home Thursday and spend that Friday playing with them and then of course making the pilgrimage to Auburn on Saturday. I can't wait!

And just because I can't bear to dedicate another whole post just to this topic because I am slightly embarrassed but can't resist oversharing, I'll throw it in like an afterthought here (hence the "nonchalant" title): I fixed eHarmony and am now getting matched out of my mind. A new account, one coupon code and three payments of $9.95 later, I can safely communicate with a whole slew of men if I want. The problem is that it's taken on more comedic purposes than romantic ones. Picture me sitting on the couch with a good friend, each of us with an alcoholic beverage in hand and looking at a laptop (aka Julia's house Saturday night [we were supposed to watch the Titans game, oops] and Evan's house last night). So far, not one match has been someone I would have approached in person. Is that a polite way of putting it?

But I have tried to be open-minded, which can be easier said than done. Nothing personal gentlemen, but here's a short list of quick criteria to get your tail "archived" and fast:

*List anything about knights and/or dragons;
*Work in the same building as me - true story!;
*Be 25;
*Mention via word or photo a tractor or race car;
*Be really, really weird looking;
*Go on and on about Bryant Denny stadium and/or the Crimson Tide - I love football too but this is a dating web site not your fantasy draft page... and I hate UAT;
*List your Blackberry as a "can't live without" - I love my phone but I could live without it;
*List oxygen and food as a "can't live without" - you clearly do not have a sense of humor;
*Last but not least and I hate to say it, but bad grammar (brake v. break; bare v. bear; they're, their and there) - what can I say, I'm snobby like that.

Blaaaaah. While very entertaining, the whole thing is depressing! Maybe I'm not as ready to date after all. I find myself comparing every one of them to a Certain Someone. Tell you what, Dr. Warren - you can keep your 70+ matches, guided communication and three payments $9.95 and give me back the one match I still want to be with the most. Deal?