Friday, March 28, 2008


Last night I was enjoying a quiet evening at home when I got a call from my sister. As soon as I picked up, I heard my mother's voice, so I knew they were up to something if it required a three-way call.

I could hear giggling. "Lindsay," my sister said, "I had to be on the line to hear your reaction to this story."

I could barely hear her over the coughing and hacking that was coming from my mother. "Okay - what did you drink?" I asked.

"It's not what I drank... it's what I ate."

My mind began racing. "Old food from the refrigerator? That was bound to happen sooner or later. Stale candy? There's no telling what she got into," I thought.

Let me just tell you - my mom has done some crazy, funny, wacky things, but NOTHING she's done can top this story. I wish she could call each of you to tell you herself, but I will try to do her story justice with my words and some photos.

Oompa Linda has always had trouble with fake flowers. A few years ago, an arrangement she had on the kitchen table caught on fire while I had some friends at the house. That was embarrassing. She also has a fake spray on the front door, which birds have been known to inhabit and make a nest in, like this:

The birds, while cute, always end up knocking the flowers off the door. She has tried everything to keep them out, from pouring a whole jar of cayenne pepper in the flower arrangement to sticking knives and forks (pointy side up) into the flowers, so it would - and I quote - "scratch their bottoms and keep them away."

Well Wednesday she noticed the flowers were about to fall off the door again so she brought them inside so she could fix the wire which holds them in place. She repaired the basket yesterday afternoon, hung the fake flowers on the door and went about her business, which included tidying up the kitchen.

Stay with me.

Now, you'll remember Sunday was Easter. Some kind soul gave my mom a bag of Whoppers Robin Eggs, those bespeckled, chocolate coated candies that look - BUT TASTE NOTHING LIKE - tiny bird eggs:

So, as I mentioned, Mom was tidying up her kitchen when she spied one of the tasty candies on the counter. Yum! She popped it in her mouth.


Something filled her mouth and it wasn't chocolate. She spit slimy, oozy yolk into her hand, then ran to the sink. She spat and rinsed and spat and rinsed and spat and rinsed some more.

She ate a real bird's egg, y'all. My mother, the egg eater. I was howling laughing. I thought I was going to choke. We asked her what if the bird had been almost mature, ready to hatch? Did she feel a beak? Did she accidentally swallow any yolk?

Before we all hung up, she asked us for advice on how she should get rid of the birds? I told her eating their babies was probably a good start.


  1. my suggestion as a prevention to this (and other) problems:,30587,784120_772766,00.html

  2. funny, yet very disgusting!

  3. You're such a liar. That is way too funny. How do you eat a bird egg? Ever! I guess this is how. I love it. Why doesn't your mother have her own tv show???

  4. thank you for the much needed laugh! only your mama...

  5. Not lying, Eric. Totally true. Remember the children's song:

    "There was an old woman who swallowed a bird; how absurd! to swallow a bird..."

    Though to be fair, she didn't swallow it, and I'm pretty sure she hadn't already eaten a spider and fly, unless she is just holding out on us.

  6. That is hilarious Linz!! I wish ya'll could have recorded it, so that I could hear it next time we are together. Dad called me earlier today and told me that I needed to read your blog.

  7. i think you're right, eating their babies has got to be a deterrent to birds feeling comfortable in your home.

  8. Ok, I'm crying from laughing so hard.

  9. OMG... I thought some of the things MY mother did were hilarious and bizarre, but your mom totally tops any story I've got! Yeeehaw! That was one awesome story!


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