Thursday, January 18, 2007

GIDDY

Good news - I FINAAAAAAAAALLY had my first official celebrity encounter since moving to Nashville. This has been a long-awaited occurrence, so I had high expectations for said interaction.

It all started when my friend started working at my office. As we became pals, she noticed my obsession with celebrities, especially ones that live in Nashville. So one day she came into my office to tell me that her friend who works for a large music company gets to attend Number One parties and bring guests. At these parties, the writers of number one songs, and if they're in town, the artists that make them famous, get presented with awards and plaques marking their success.

So my friend tells me that she told HER friend how celebrity-crazed I am, and her friend invited me to attend one of these Number One parties with her. Guess whose party it was coming up? Carrie Underwood's, for "Before He Cheats."

JOY OF JOYS! She is my favorite artist on the radio right now. As soon as I saw her on Idol, I told everyone else I knew that watched the show that she was going to win. When she sang "Alone", the deal was done for me. I LOVE Carrie. I told my friend I would definitely make that party.

So last week she gets the call from her friend in the business that the party is scheduled for Jan. 17. I knew I'd be traveling back to Nashville that day from a business trip, so I crossed my fingers I'd be back in time to go.

Well I ended being back in Nashville plenty early that day, so I had a lot of time to primp for the party. In typical girl fashion, 20 minutes before I was to leave, I still didn't know what I was going to wear. I pulled together an outfit and headed toward Music Row.

Whilst I was driving back to Nashville, I had been contemplating slipping Carrie my phone number at the party. She gets kind of lonely here in town - she has said so in interviews! Who does she shop with, or go to the movies with? She needs a BFF! I'm sure she doesn't really know her neighbors that well, and everyone else she probably knows are other stars or people that work for her. We're the same age - and I need a church buddy... I mean, it could work really well. Besides, where better to give her my number than at an industry party? It's like I'm cool by association instead of some stranger that meets her in Kroger. Face it - she needs friends here, and so do I. It could be a match made in heaven.

Well, all of that was until I got to the party and saw her in person. SHE'S TINY. TEE-NINY. And BEAUTIFUL. Faithful friends will remember that I have actually met Miss Underwood in June 2005, at a CMT taping. Fresh off the Idol Stage, she was by NO means heavy. Just normal: healthy and trim. Yesterday, however, I discovered that being CMA Female Vocalist of the Year has done her well. She is now ridiculously little and jaw-droppingly pretty. No wonder Faith Hill got mad - she's just jealous of her stunning physique! She's not eating-disorder little... just petite and tiny and gorgeous. She was wearing a white shirt and skinny jeans tucked into brown leather boots. You have to imagine that the boots and jeans add an extra inch to the circumference of her twiggy little legs, which makes me wonder not only how gaunt her calves are when NOT stuffed into jeans stuffed into boots, but furthermore, how she stands without wobbling about like Bambi!


Naturallu, I determined I simply could not be best friends with someone that annoyingly small and perfect and pretty, at least not before having liposuction.

So I stand in the back of a very crowded lobby until I find my friend's friend. We listen to the writers make speeches, someone from the publishing company makes a speech, then Carrie makes a little speech. Everyone poses for pictures with their prizes and plaques and autographed Louisville Sluggers, then they turn Carrie loose to face the masses. My friend's friend, understanding and APPRECIATING my fascination for all things famous, helps me get to the front of the room, where I wait patiently for my turn with Miss Carrie.

Let me also say that I had ransacked my room trying to find something for her to autograph. I even called my friend for suggestions. She told me, though, that her friend, as an employee of the publishing company, wasn't allowed to ask for autographs, just pictures, so I might not be able to get anything signed either. I told her that was cool, anyone can FAKE an autograph, but everyone would believe a picture. I mean, we'd be breathing the same air. It doesn't get any better than that! But always prepared, I put a sharpie and an index card (lame I know) in my purse just in case, in a moment of boldness, I asked Carrie for an autograph. (I think I'll keep the sharpie in there. You never know when your next autograph opportunity will come... in my case, in another 8 months?)

So after some kids shove their way to the front of the line (I mean, who does that...?) it was my turn. I smile brightly and ask "Carrie, may I take a picture with you?" As if she had a choice. I was already standing beside her with my arm around her before I'd even finished talking.

My friend's friend was ready with my camera, and after taking the photo, she stepped forward and asked Carrie to sign the CD cover she'd brought with her to the party. SO MUCH FOR NOT BEING ALLOWED TO GET AUTOGRAPHS! While Carrie signed her CD cover, I bashfully pull out my lame index card and ask her to sign it for me.

"Should I make it out to anyone?" she asks, most likely while thinking, 'Why the hell didn't you buy my CD?'
"Lindsay would be great."
"-Ey?" she asks as she muses, 'As in, are you rEallY asking me to sign an index card?'
"-Ay, actually," I correct her.

I watch as she signs the card, then happily accept it and my sharpie marker back from her. "Thanks so much! I appreciate it!" I stammered before I tried to casually saunter away (even though what I really wanted to do was put her in my pocket, take her for a burger, and talk about who does her perfectly curled hair).

My friend and I meet up with our mutual friend to show off our autographs. It was then that I noticed what Carrie had written:

click the picture for closer inspection

SHE SIGNED IT LOSER! She thought I was a loser for asking her to sign an INDEX CARD! I know I have fallen victim many times to the mind-slip of accidentally writing what you're thinking/saying, not what you're supposed to be writing. I was so embarrassed! I knew I should have stopped and bought her CD for her to sign instead of being THAT GIRL with an index card! My friends looked at the card:

"It doesn't say Loser!"
"What does it say then??"
"Love!"
"THERE'S A 'R' ON THE END!"
"Later? Lover? Maybe she wants you to be her LOVER!"
"That is very clearly a 'S'... Oooh, maybe she wrote 'laser', as in, let's be best friends and go play laser tag!"

Discouraged, I drowned my sorrows in a Bud Light and cheese from the spread of goodies we were standing by, until I noticed Carrie had been whisked to a glass office in the front of the building. My friends and I eeked closer and closer to the door to the glass office while they dared me to ask her if it said 'loser' or not.

At that point I realized I had nothing to lose. If she already thought I was a loser, then so be it. If she hadn't thought I was a loser, she surely would after I asked her, so either way, she thinks I'm a loser. So as she emerged from the office, I asked her.

"Excuse me, Carrie, does this say 'Loser'?"

She stares at me and then at the index card.

"It says 'Love!'" My friends and her people start laughing.

"I thought so," I said, "I was just making sure. I mean, you can call me a loser, that's still a good day for me!"

She laughs. "I try to stay in the habit of NOT insulting my fans," she goes on.

Meanwhile, my jaw is on the floor. I'm thinking 'OH MY GOSH. It's happening - we're becoming best friends! She's still talking to me! And we're joking with one another! She likes me! We're CHUMMY!'

"Dear Lindsay, LOSER!!!! Carrie Underwood!" she jokes. "No, I promise it says 'Love,' I just have the handwriting of an 8-year-old boy."

"No you don't, I was just checking! Thanks!" I laugh as we each go our separate way. Clutching my index card, I am on cloud nine as I float out the door, head home, and start thinking of what the tabloids will nickname us when we become inseparable (suggestions welcome).

So at work today, people have been laughing and calling me a LOSER all day long, because my friend told them about mine and Carrie's little interaction. But you just wait - one day, some reporter is going to ask Carrie about a funny story involving a fan or fame and she'll tell about the girl that thought she signed her autographed LOSER. We'll see who the loser is then!

Cast your vote - Loser or Love?

9 comments:

  1. Before I even got to the part about what you thought it read..i was like,"does that say loser???" that is so funny!!!

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  2. Maybe she said something to the fan before you and was thinking to herself, "Gawd Carrie, why do you have to act like such a LOSER in front of a fan?!" when she signed the now infamous index card. Thus, she was addressing herself and not you...

    It's a distinct possibility.

    Loser,
    Ansley

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  3. Jamie Bradford1/19/2007 10:36 AM

    HILARIOUS. I just laughed out loud at my desk.

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  4. this is brilliant. you never cease to amaze me. . . it says loser.

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  5. haaaaaaaaaaaa!!! You are HILARIOUS!!! Loooove this blog, loser! It really does look like loser...

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  6. this is amazing. hahaha.

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  7. Oh dear. Intentional or not that says LOSER. Reminds me of the time I went to see Harry Connick Jr and afterward stood in line to get his autograph. I was mute and left so unsatisfied. So I stood in line again thinking up brave and witty things to say. What did I think of while standing in line for 20 minutes? I asked HIM if he wanted MY autograph. He did not get the joke and just signed his name on a piece of paper and said NEXT. Could well have just written LOSER.

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  8. Oh wow that was really funny and I do not even know you at all...I don't know how i got to you blog. A friend of a friend probably...I live in the Nashville area (originally from Alabama) and have had several "encounters" myself. Thanks for the laugh...it totally says loser, though.

    haha! -Jillian

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  9. This is the cutest post! I am a new follower to your great blog! Happy Easter!

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