Monday, August 01, 2011


Today, something really bad happened. I know "bad" is in the eye of the beholder, and really bad things are happening to really good people all around me - my best friends included - but today, something bad happened that was bad enough to ALMOST ruin my day.

Someone. Ate. My. Grapes.

I'll wait and let the magnitude of that statement sink in. Watch this while it does. You know what video that is. Or you should. Here's a hint: MY SANDWICH?!

I bought enough grapes on Thursday at Publix to last me throughout this week for lunch. I must have stuffed half of them in a Ziploc bag, planning to nibble my way through them over a few days time. I brought the bag of grapes and a sandwich for lunch on Friday but didn't eat them due to a last-minute lunch date, so I left both the grapes and MY SANDWICH in the fridge to eat today.

But today when I got to the fridge, MY SANDWICH was there but the grapes were gone. The whole bag stuffed full of grapes. They didn't even leave me a single one.

I was so bothered someone ate my grapes, I stewed over it almost the entire day. At some point I realized I was more upset by Grand Theft Grape than I ever was about the four-time automobile thief. You don't expect much from bums or delinquents or thieves without morals. But this is a PROFESSIONAL environment. We are all adults. You expect a certain decorum from grownups. You expect everyone to be decent. You expect to go to the fridge and your Ziploc baggie full of delicious NEW grapes from Publix to be sitting there waiting on you. But no. They were gone.

Confession: I was so mad, I threw MY SANDWICH down the hall.

Then I went back to my desk and sent a building-wide e-mail.

I don't know when my thing about not sharing food started but it is UGLY and it is real. I saw a side of me today I did not like, but I could not control the rage, yes RAGE!, burning inside me! How did I get this way? Was it from always being the kid with a fruit break, having to share hers with the kids without one? Was it from having food eaten off my plate by a friend trying to be funny in high school? Was it from living in the dorm for four years?

I need therapy. And more grapes.


  1. ok, crack me up! i am reminded of a certain pledge sister from tuscaloosa...freshman year beach trip...the dip or sour cream or SOMETHING that someone else touched.!

  2. You need to come to my Kindergarten --we learn sharing the first month. Maybe you were sick that day at Briarwood!
    When food goes missing at my work we suspect the janitor--never co-workers!!!

  3. Hahaha! This remineds me of the Friends episode where one of Ross's colleauges eats his "Moist Maker" sandwich...and he rages too. SO FUNNY!


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