HERE

Here's where I've been:

I've been computerless. My work computer crashed last week. Three days without it. Let's just say I got a lot of paperwork and filing done.

I've been organizing my jewelry drawer. It looks great now. A place for everything, and everything in it's place.

I've been spending a LOT of time at the gym. I've been taking walks with friends.

I've been at Arrington Vineyards with some girls from bunko group. Thank God for those three little dice:

Here's where I am:

I'm at my desk, looking at these flowers that a sweet friend sent me:
I am sad because I didn't cry yesterday or the day before... and honestly? That makes me feel guilty. Someone should still be crying about this.

I am listening to songs I've been playing for years, studying the lyrics like it's the first time, and resisting the urge to type them into a text and hit send.

I am sick of being told "It'll get better" and "I know how you feel."

I am hearing the phrase "marry(ing) my best friend" and trying not to scream. I had a best friend that I wanted to marry. How come you get to? Life is not fair. You get to marry your best friend... I get to miss mine because he "just didn't feel it like I do."

I am damaged.

I am sad. I am confused. And I am angry. Which makes me sad again.

But like it or not, I am here.