Monday, March 15, 2010


Dear E!,

I will be the first to admit that I never give you enough credit for the shows that you produce. Girls Next Door? Thought I would hate it. Turns out, it was one of my favorite shows! Keeping Up with the Kardashians? Made fun of it for years. Now, I’m watching it On Demand and wondering when Kourtney is FINALLY going to ditch Scott. Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood? Downright EDUCATIONAL. Chelsea Lately*? The Soup? Kendra? All great, hilarious, shows that I watch regularly. I, as did many, turned a blind eye to Leave It To Lamas and Sunset Tan but the point is – you bat a pretty good average, E!.

Which is why I am COMPLETELY CLUELESS why you would muddy the gene pool with Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest and Dumb@$$ - aka the four bimbos on Pretty Wild. I happened to see it last night following the season premiere of Kendra, and the only word that comes to mind is WHHHHHHHHHHHY? This woman Andrea makes Dina Lohan look like Princess Di.

No rules; no order; NO GOOD, E! No good. Do us all a favor and drop this show like it’s Tiger, and you’re Elin. Just move on! I don’t want to see another Neiers hoochie on my TV ever again. Got it E? CANCEL.

Very Ready for Holly's World,

(Here’s the scoop, in case you were smart enough to be doing ANYTHING ELSE besides watching this show: Former Playboy/lingerie model turned mother has three daughters turned Playboy/lingerie models. All of them are gorgeous. All of them use some vibratey, shakey water-pressure bed-like machine like you used to could get into at the mall to increase weight loss? Melanin? Brain cells? Who knows. Mother homeschools the trio. Their curriculum is based on a lot of Adderall and The Secret. What is the Secret? A movie. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the occasional movie day – when appropriate – in English or Spanish or even History class. But one lone movie wasn’t the core of my college prep curriculum, that’s for sure. But no matter, they don’t need a core curriculum! They have boobs! They have beauty! They have a stripper pole in their house! So in between partying and taking turns on the pole and attending “home school” one of them got arrested for in conjunction with some robberies and that loud noise you heard around 9:45 pm CST was poor Alexis’s dreams shattering into a billion tiny pieces because she lost her modeling contract as a result of all her “bad press.” Is your brain liquefying yet? I’ll wrap it up - she came home from jail and they and cried and laughed. And then I turned my TV off, tore off my clothes, put on a sack and repented for my sin. I mean really. This makes Jersey Shore look like C-Span.)

*While I do enjoy her talk show, as a person Chelsea Handler moved a few spots down in my book when I realized she was an Executive Producer on this show. It must be contagious! Run, Ryan Seacrest, run!

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