Monday, August 24, 2009


So, we’ve all heard of this Cash for Clunkers program, right? It ends tonight. Fun while it lasted, y’all! How long did it take for them to run out of money, three weeks? But it didn’t end quickly enough for me to figure out what was REALLY going on.

About three weeks ago I started seeing lots of people being pulled over by cops in unmarked cars. And not just any unmarked cars – clunkers! I mean funky, discolored paint jobs, nothing like the neat and tidy white car you are used to seeing. I mean, one cop car had a hubcap missing. And the more I looked for it, the more I saw it: visibly used vehicles with lights installed and a cop behind the wheel. Honestly, if I were pulled over by one of these cars, I would have to do like that old e-mail chain that went around a few years ago to all the women, and call 911 to make sure that is indeed a police officer behind me and not a rapist. But then again, the 9 key on my phone* doesn’t work, so I’d be out of luck, wouldn’t I?

On a related note, when I drove home to Alabama and back two Sundays ago, I saw probably ten police officers (some of them in clunkers) with a motorist pulled over on the side of the road. And I probably saw another five more during the week. That 100 Days of Summer Heat they’re advertising? It’s for real. Although I personally think some wiseacre figured out a quick way to balance the budget – pull more people over. More traffic citations = more fines being paid = more money to Uncle Sam! Oh, and safer roads and all that.

So the gig is up, government. I know why you want our clunkers. May I suggest a new, cheaper program: Amnesty on Your Latest Traffic Citation For Turning in Uninsured Drivers. Now that's a good idea.

*See, Mom? Yet another reason why you should give me the new phone you just won.

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