Thursday, February 26, 2009

READY

This is one of my favorite forwards ever. I am still sickly today and without much capacity to think of a good blog. So even though I did not write this, enjoy:

The U.S. government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations.

Image 1
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

Image 2
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

Image 3
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

Image 4
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.

Image 5
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

Image 6
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.

Image 7
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.

Image 8
Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.

Image 9
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

Image 10
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

Image 11
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.

Image 12
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

Image 13
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.

Image 14
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

Image 15
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

Image 16
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

Image 17
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Image 18
Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

Image 19
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

Image 20
Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.

8 comments:

  1. This is hysterical! I now have the uncontrollable giggles in my cube. Hope you get to feeling better!

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  2. You had me laughing out loud at work!! Love it!

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  3. those a hysterical! silly government.

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  4. You are my hero. This post was amazing.

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  5. Just as funny as your usual blogs - didn't know you weren't feeling well - great to see you last night and meet "C". Get better!

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  6. I have just happened across your blog a few months ago...this post is hilarious. I am a nurse in a newborn nursery and you had all of us nurses laughing out loud. Thanks!!!Tiffany

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  7. Laughing aloud at my desk as I'm sure the person in the office next to me is wondering what's going on.

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  8. Running Buddy3/06/2009 11:59 PM

    I can't stay away!

    Vin Diesel and the tattoo pondering are my favorites.

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Oh goody!

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