Friday, October 31, 2008


Your Friday Five Three is a pictorial this week:

1. Here is my costume for tonight, as modeled by Heidi Montag, looking a lot better in it than I will. Add shepherd's crook and a sweet sheep and you've got a Little Bo Peep:

2. My coworkers and I at our bonfire last night:3. A little calf I met at the farm - how cute is he?

Thursday, October 30, 2008


Since you all went nuts the last time I told you how to get free goodies, you should know that on Election Day, an I VOTED! sticker will get you:

•A free star shaped donut with red, white and blue sprinkles at your local Krispy Kreme;
•A free scoop of ice cream at your local Ben and Jerry's;
•A free chicken sandwich at select ChickFilaAs (can't confirm that this is nationwide).

I wonder where the lines will be longer, at the polls or at these restaurants?

Happy voting, happy eating!

*PS: In Tennessee, we have early voting. I didn't do it because I was scared my vote wouldn't count. Ha.


How awesome does that look? It's not mine. I don't even have a fireplace. I just found it online. Saturday is November which means you can light a fire just for the principle of it, regardless of how cold it is outside. Side note: I wonder how much more productive my life would be if not for fireplaces and bathtubs?

Speaking of fires, I'm going to a bonfire tonight. I'm in charge of bringing the graham crackers. I just love smores.

AND still speaking of fires, we had a fire drill this morning. We had to walk as far away as the building is tall. For our four story building, that was across the street.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


So remember I was going to make some tomato soup last night? I failed. Twice.

Here's the recipe I was using. It's supposed to be Panera Bread's recipe for their delicious creamy tomato soup:

5 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup chopped onion
4 tablespoons flour
4 cups milk
1/2 bay leaf
1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3 cups tomatoes, chopped (fresh or canned)

•Melt the Butter in a soup pot.
Add the onion and cook over medium heat, stirring, until the onion is softened but not browned.
•Sprinkle the flour over the butter mixture and continue to stir and cook for 1 to 2 minutes.
•Slowly add the milk, bay leaf, sugar, and salt and continue to cook and stir until slightly thickened.
•Stir the baking soda into the tomatoes.
•Add the tomatoes to the milk, and bring just to a simmer.
•Remove from the heat and put through a strainer.
•Taste and correct seasonings.
•Reheat before serving.

So the first attempt, I melted the butter. As you can see, I skipped the onion step because I don't like onions. So I went to add my flour. Only I was reading the milk line and started to add four cups of flour. I quickly realized that was not right. I'd only tossed in one cup and it was way too much. So I poured the doughy mix out (more like scooped it out), washed the pot and started again.

Butter, flour, milk, bay leaf, salt, sugar, everything was getting thick and going well. I added the tomatoes and it became colorful and frothy. I let it simmer before I strained it, which is when things went wrong. Basically, I was left with a bowlful of pink milk, with a film of butter on the top. I couldn't even look at it, much less eat it, so I poured it down the sink and found something else to eat for dinner.

Where did I go wrong? Did I not cook the milk enough? How thick should it have gotten before I added the tomatoes?

Looks like I'm back to scrambling eggs for now.

Monday, October 27, 2008


Phone buzzes text message alert. I check it: Wat Up?

I write back: Who is this?

Buzz, buzz: Tavi

I write back: Wrong number.

Buzz, buzz: Is you sure?

....the end.


So, I'm going to try to start cooking more. The three of you that have been reading this blog since it's earliest (and ugliest) days remember that I tried my hand at cooking and baking when I lived at home, and then again my first summer in Tennessee. Since then, I've cooked random dishes, mostly poppyseed chicken, the occasional dessert, and what I like to call heaven on a plate.

But I'm ready to get good at cooking.

For instance, I scrambled eggs on Thursday night for dinner. I know; a monkey could scramble eggs. But I have to start small.

Tonight, I'm making some homemade creamy tomato soup, followed by a big delicious crock pot of chili later this week. I have to practice a lot before November, when I am slated to contribute to two different Thanksgiving meals and don't want pull a Rachel.

So all you chefs out there need to recommend your favorite recipes. Preferably chicken. With no mushrooms. That reheats really well. And while you're recommending that, let me recommend this: Run, Fat Boy, Run. I watched the rest of it yesterday and it is soooo good, y'all!


Look at me! I'm an example!

Does CWE charge an application fee? If so, I want ten percent.

Update: Bonus points to anyone who can find the funny additions to the poster... names have been changed to protect the innocent blog author.

Friday, October 24, 2008



How else do you explain her wearing these cute boots:after wearing nothing but these clodhopppers:

other than by figuring she took my advice?


1. Last night I did a little trick in my kitchen. Earlier this week, I went to Target and bought 10-packs of oil-rubbed bronze knobs. My kitchen had plain boring gold knobs that looked cheap. So, at C's suggestion, I switched them. The before shot is not very exciting, so here is the after shot of my little kitchen:See if you can find the froggy "Congratulations on your new pad!" card my mom made for me, the flatware sitting on top of the microwave because none of the drawers are wide enough for a flatware divider, my work ID badge, my work nametag, my trash can poking out from under the kitchen island so I would remember to take out the trash, and my trusty battery-powered Black and Decker drill (that's for you, Drew). Next kitchen project: figure out why my stove keeps burning the cookies.

2. Guess who is making her first-ever trip to a Tennessee game, aka to Neylend Stadium, aka a Garbage Truck Worker Convention? Actually, I'll be one of the garbage truck workers in orange, because I am always for any team that plays UAT. Not that I think the Vols have a chance of winning. But wouldn't it be crazy if they did? Stranger things have happened.

3. Evan introduced me to the greatest picture book ever - In Character: Actors Acting. It's got all these famous actors making the face/body language they would make in the most ridiculous situations. Not just "happy" or "sad" but really descriptive emotions. Click here to read an article/review about the book and see a few of the best shots. And if anyone wants to order a used copy for me for Christmas, there are several in "new" condition on Amazon for under $5.

4. Am I the only one who hasn't been to a pumpkin patch this fall? I guess there is still time to get a pumpkin to carve, though if I do, I'll more than likely get it from Kroger. Although, someone pointed out to me that pumpkins have seeds, and you may remember how I feel about those. But inside the pumpkins I have seen before, the seeds aren't lined up like a small infantry. I guess I could always recruit someone else to gut it, and I could just carve it afterward. Hmm.

5. Run, Fat Boy, Run came to the house yesterday. This was David Schwimmer's feature film directorial debut and I had heard it was really good. And I was right! The first 45 minutes of it were great. The rest, I can't wait to see... because I fell asleep. Again. But add it to your queue if you have one.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


I'm trying to look ahead to happier times. Here's some things I am looking forward to between now and whenever:

1. I spent all morning looking forward to getting this phone call! And I was right!

2. We are going to see Avenue Q next week! I've heard this is hilarious and am really looking forward to another trip to the "theeatuh."

3. Halloween. I'm not jazzed about it (why? 1. see last year's confession and 2. I'm flying solo that night) but it's a holiday nonetheless. I did end up dressing up last year as an innocent angel and I loved it. I was prissy as could be, a quality I can sell quite well (as opposed to other qualities that come out on Halloween). We have a big pot luck lunch here at work that day and then I will be making the rounds with some friends that night. I may dress up as a third wheel cause that's what I'll be. Can a third wheel be prissy? We'll see.

4. Election Day is coming, meaning we can finally put all this campaign crap to rest. You know you're thankful for that too.

5. Another play in November, this time preceded by dinner and reception thanks to C's string pulling. Moonlight and Magnolias is the show, and it's also supposed to be pretty good!

6. There are several fun events with my name on them at work next month. I'm looking forward to really sinking my teeth into some repeat clients with really big budgets. Did you know I love my job?

7. Going to check out one of this group's shows soon.

8. Thanksgiving! Food! Football! Family! Yum!

9. Come hell or high water, I'm going to see Little Big Town and Carrie Underwood on December 7th. And if I was a magician, I'd *poof* myself over to Neil Diamond in Atlanta on December 10.


Time to lighten the mood around here, do you agree?

It's always very entertaining to me seeing how people arrive here via Google searches. I recently browsed the key words which served to bring people to our little world. Here is the summary since the last time I did this in March:

1. Folks are still wondering en mass about the mystery that is Facebook Unfriending. What happens after? How can you tell? That is by far the number one arrival path (and speaking of which, I unfriended someone yesterday, just like I threatened to do if I got one more invitation to a concert in Atlanta).
2. They also want to know What Happened to Planters Cheese Balls and Did Planters Discontinue Cheese Balls? We should start a support group.
3. They are very interested in croakies, included monogrammed or seersucker croakies, as well as anything seersucker.
4. Some people have come looking for information about some of my favorite Nashville restaurants that I have written about in the past.
5. People are looking for information about Carrie Underwood, her handwriting, her autograph, etc.
6. Some people were looking for the meaning of Auburn's Bodda Getta cheer;
7. Some people needed first half marathon funny inspirational signs;
8. A few people needed cheer camp decor ideas as well as cheer camp prank ideas;
9. A lot of folks need to know how to spot a fake chi hair straightener. Meanwhile, I didn't know there was such a thing.

And then there's always the people that stumble on here by accident, looking for help that I cannot offer on the following searches (this is verbatim what they entered into Google that brought them here, except for my remarks in parentheses [translation: don't blame me]):
•Speed in my drink
•Thick Lenses Glasses Sexy
•Pictures of sexy mature women in very tight shorts (Seriously???)
Because I have a beautiful car, men think I am high maintenance
•Blowing nose, bust your eardrum (See, I am not the only one!)
•Can you do a crash course learning tap ballet and jazz? (No you cannot)
•Do dead hermit crabs shrivel up? (Actually three different people wanted to know that and yes, they do)
•Hazelnut coffeemate shortage
•I have a blackberry pearl and it just froze on me. I can't send or recieve calls. It's completely frozen what the hell am i suppossed to do? (I'd start with learning to spell correctly.)
•Jason's deli safe during pregnancy (Why wouldn't it be?)
•Linsi Lohan pictures
•Mesmerized by Kanye West (Me too)
•My mom is indecent (Me too)
•Naturally Hairy Indian Woman (I don't even know what to say.)
•Non creepy Father of the Bride songs

And then there were some that I am just too polite to post. I don't want to risk them coming back here.

What do you think? Do any of those make you giggle?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


What a horrible day. I am going home and going straight to bed after work. Short of someone dying, this has been the worst day I can remember, including the day that started half this mess.

First - the computer. I got an e-mail yesterday saying some shizz about my computer being in good hands with the Geek Squad. Lies, lies, pure lies, I tell you. This friendly e-mail reminder prompted me to go online, where I discovered that once again, my computer was sitting ready to be repaired but the Geeks couldn't get in touch with me because THEY STILL HAD THE WRONG DAMN NUMBER. Really, Geek Squad? You know, for a group of "smart" people, collectively you are dumber than a pile of bricks. Three times I gave three correct phone numbers to one of your "agents" and to what avail? Only so you can continue calling some tax preparation company in Franklin to let them know my computer is ready? Really? Unless they are paying for it, HOW DOES THAT HELP ME, Geeks?

So after letting the customer service rep for Geek Squad have an earful, and then waiting for the Nashville store Geek Squad senior agent to clock in, take my holding phone call and giving him an earful as well (I really should be ashamed of how I talked to that guy but I'm not), I can report that I am getting a $50 Best Buy gift card in the mail soon. What I cannot report, however, is that my computer is repairable. Because a $50 gift card is not even a dent in the $1,800 bill that they are reporting it would cost to fix my computer. Right. Not happening. So after he put through the order to have it packed up and sent back to the store for me to pick up, in my snottiest voice I asked him if they were planning to call me or the tax repair service to notify someone that the computer was ready for pick up,

So, the computer is officially dead. Dunzo. We'll bury the computer and this thread of discussion in the junkyard along side the car.

Speaking of the car, I am having some "brick walls" regarding the vehicle and insurance (quotes because "brick walls" is putting it mildly). I have to get the title in my name in order to receive a check made out to me for the value of my car. I physically possess the title, but it's in my father's name, not mine. So while I can sign this title saying that I "bought" it from him, I can't "sell" it to my insurance company until it's in my name and I have a document proving that. So I need a new title, with my name in big block letters as the owner of the car, so that my insurance company can mail me, not him, the check.

Here are my options for getting that done:

A. I was going to try to have someone in Montgomery do it as a proxy because that seems like the kind of thing you have to be present for. So I was going to sign a power of attorney letter and overnight that with the title to a trustworthy contact in Montgomery and have them deliver it to the state's department of motor vehicles and get a title in my name. After repeated calls to Montgomery, I found out that since I now reside in Tennessee, I can't get an Alabama title. Plain and simple. Plan A is out.

B. My next best option in-state (note: I'm trying to do it in state because I know far more people there who could help expedite the process): overnight the title to Mom, my favorite Alabamian of them all, and have her sign it indicating she bought the car from my father. Then, she would take the title to her county DMV, get a new title in the works in her name, pass me the paperwork, receive the check from the insurance company, pass it on to me, problem solved.

C. I can do it myself in Tennessee, which requires so, so, so, so much more work. Try to follow this: my county in Tennessee requires emissions testing for registered cars. So even though this car will no longer emit anything because it will never be driven again, in order to get the title in my name through this state, I have to go to the some health office with the title and a letter from my insurance company on their letterhead, stating the vehicle is totaled. Then I get an exemption letter, which I then have to take to the clerk’s office to get plates and registration and a title application. Yes, registration and plates for a car I will never see again. So then I would have to call another number and visit another place to get a refund and turn those back in. Then I have to ride a unicorn to the end of the rainbow and find the pot of gold, inside of which is hidden a golden key that unlocks the Door of Life. When I find the key, I climb the beanstalk to get to the Door of Life, unlock it, throw my key into the Pond of Truth and then a few weeks later my car title will come in the mail.

Last and least, there is Plan D which is much easier but costs me the most since it costs me my pride. We'll see how desperate I get and after today, I'm pretty sure Plan D is how this is going to go down.

Please leave me comments sweetly reminding me that there is so much more to life than any of these things, and all of this will pass, and I am so fortunate, and that you're having a baby girl (oops - just Katie on the last one).

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I've noticed that when the weather changes, so do my obsessions. Here are two beauties I've had my eye on since this recent cold snap:

Actually, I had my eye on this. For all of about twenty minutes. And then I bought it. I couldn't stand it; It was too cute and practically a steal. So I texted my mother I bought her something to give me for Christmas. She can wrap it up and I'll fake surprise just like she does every year when we give her gifts we asked her to pick out.

Which means I really don't need this coat, too. But if it goes on sale at Target, I cannot be held responsible for my actions (Jennifer - I know you're drooling now too):

Monday, October 20, 2008


I had another Moment here at work this weekend. Except I wasn't on the clock. This time, I was just another awestruck guest.

We hosted a screening for this film:

After the film, the director, Cash's former producer and his son all sat down front and took questions from the audience about the film and its star. The film was great, great, great and their answers were even better. Clever and inspiring and revealing. I was drinking in every word.

Everyone who is remotely interested in Johnny Cash needs to watch this documentary!

Saturday, October 18, 2008


I went to clean out the Explorer today. I didn't let the car see me cry but later on I did. I realized it wasn't about the car but the change a new car represents. That car is the only car I've driven. It took me to Auburn then begrudgingly back home. It brought me to Nashville. It's heard me laugh, heard me cry, heard me sing and sing and sing some more. In fact, I think I truly learned to sing in that car. I've kissed in that car, I've danced in that car. I've gone from cheerleading practice and slumber parties to wedding rehearals and baby showers. From ACT tests and math tutor to job interviews and a half marathon. In short, grew up in that car.

I pulled into the lot and looked for my car. When I saw it sad and damaged and broken, I kind of cringed. It was like going to view a body. I took my time checking every nook and cranny before taking the license plate off. And then I got in the car one last time and just sat. Bye car.

I'll get over it soon. I guess I was more attached to it than I realized and underestimated how sad I'd be to see it go. The car represented the very last bit of my childhood. And now, both childhood and car are no more.

Friday, October 17, 2008


I'm calling it: $2 by Thanksgiving.


1. So many of you were so concerned about the prank I played on my coworker, whom I call Joey. I ended up not leaving the note on his desk last Friday, but gave it to him Monday instead. Our extensions are just one digit off, so I told him Mr. Lyon probably just dialed me accidentally and to call him back. He looked confused but took the sticky note from me regardless. A few minutes later, I heard him dialing. I turned my speakers down and listened hard. "This is the number for the Nashville Zoo!" he exclaimed. I thought he'd get the joke and hang up, but he didn't. "May I speak to Mr. Lyon?" he asked. Pause. "There's not? Okay thanks." And then he got the joke. I thought it was hilarious that he realized he was calling the zoo but the joke didn't kick in and he still asked for Mr. Lyon.

2. Now for my next prank. Someone at work has been drinking my coffee creamer. Times are tough, people! Buy your own flavored coffee creamer and stop drinking mine! True story: a few weeks ago, I bought a new bottle of creamer and brought it to work on Monday. That Friday, I went to get some coffee and the bottle was HALF EMPTY (or half full), four days later. I guess thief had spilled it while they were stealing it. I was livid. I got a sharpie and wrote my name on it. Short of leaving one of these, that was all I could do, other than to start drinking my coffee at my house, which I started doing and really enjoy. So fast forward to yesterday, when I decided to have a second cup here at work and found my cream bottle EMPTY. Enough is enough. So I decided to let some milk in my refrigerator at home spoil instead of throwing it away. Then, when it's good and smelly, I'll bring it in and put it curdled lumpy rotten milk in the empty coffee creamer bottle and teach those thieves a lesson.

3. Have you started watching Kath & Kim yet? If your answer is no, you are missing out. Molly Shannon and Selma Blair are hilarious. The whole show is great. Turns out, a lot of peeps that worked on Friends now work on that show so of course I would like it. But it's really funny and you would like it too. NBC is awesome.

4. First cold snap of the season here in Nashville and I am loving it. Today I look like a walking Gap ad in my khakis, t-shirt, scarf and denim jacket.

5. Guess who is going to see Taylor Swift and Rascal Flatts in concert tonight? For free? ME! Once again, MB delivers. Y'all have a good weekend - I'll be at the downtown "bobbing my head!"

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Funny picture of the week! Allison has a chip on her shoulder:
Haha! Get it???


**Warning: wreck talk. Tune out if that bores you (coughMomcough).

Steve the Damage Assessment Man called me this morning.

The Good News: it's totaled.
The Great News: they are giving me more than I expected to receive for the car. Much, much more.

This is huge. Y'all know how much I hate that car. And my insurance company, my wonderful amazing insurance company, wants to buy it from me, bless their hearts.

All I can say is good thing it wasn't drivable. Because if they drove it to see what a POS it is, I'm sure they'd be making me pay them to take it. In fact I almost asked Steve to make sure he was assessing the correct car.

So that's a huuuuge weight off my shoulders. Even though I still have to buy a new car, I will do a lot better than I was expecting to do. I thought I was going to have to go buy a bike and helmet.

So, I am going Saturday morning to collect every single last thing out of the car and bid it a farewell. I anticipate that being kind of emotional. I hate that car but I have had some good memories with it.

I hate to say it, but I am coming out very on top in this situation. Talk about a blessing in disguise. Non-injurious wrecks are the way to go, y'all. What a surprise.

Speaking of surprises, let's address yesterday's post really quickly: for those of you who did not have the pleasure of attending my high school, you should know that the woman that gives Joe Jonas his diploma in that video taught World History to me and about 1/3 of this blog's readers (yes, I know you read this). But talk about moving up in the world! You go, Miss Kemp.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


For all you BCS grads:

Wonder if the Jonai enjoyed Dorie and the Last Sin Eater?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


I did it. I finally committed to something for my apartment. Not art, but the next best thing:
I just got off the phone ordering these 3' shelves for my apartment. I have scoured stores all over Nashville and these are the only ones that would fit the bill. They are only 3" deep, so they won't stick out like bleachers on my wall (unlike some 8" beasts I brought home last week [which is what I was on my way to return when I got into the Wreck]).

They will be here next week. With the coupon I used, I don't feel like they were too pricey. Good quality, not scratched up, exact dimensions I was looking for. Cute photos of children not included.

In other non-apartment, non-wreck news, a certain someone snuck over and dropped off the remains of my cookie cake for me at work yesterday. What a treat. I shared it with the people in my department and in doing so, discovered a 30-year-old man that had never tried a cookie cake. WHAT???? I was stunned. I gave him a bite and told him this wasn't any cookie cake, it was a Great American Cookies cake, the Lexus of cookie cakes. He was pleased.

And speaking of cookie cakes, I'm going home for lunch to get a bite right now!

Monday, October 13, 2008


Dear Nashville,

Can we talk?

We've known each other how long now, two years? Two and a half? Something like that. It's been a lot of fun. We've flirted off and on. You've seen me through some highs and always been there waiting, when I hit the ground running only to come home to you. But it hasn't been all sunshine and roses. You've watched me hit some lows and seen me cry for greener pastures. And you've really let me down at times. When I needed you to deliver, you didn't always come through. But who was to blame? After all, I've flirted with my ex, Birmingham, sometimes right in front of you.

It's really been a roller coaster, hasn't it, Nashville?

Yet here we are, still dancing this awkward dance after two full years. Are we, aren't we, are we, aren't we? It's time we DTR, Nashville.

I'm done waiting. I'm done pining for the day when the timing felt right to leave you behind. Feeling like what we have going on is just temporary. All this time I've been calling you Right Now; could you be Forever? I'm done with the transitional mindset, I can't live that way anymore. I've been on that fence for two years and I'm climbing off. I've walked the walk. I got a Tennessee license and even registered to vote here. But that's not enough. It's time to talk the talk. So here it is, Nashville. Time to take the plunge. I am ready to be exclusive. Nashville, will you go steady with me?

You see, I'll always know where I came from, but it's time to stand firm where I am. Not "for the time being," not "until I get ready to move home again." I live in Nashville, no strings attached. It's you and me, kid. I'm committed. You jump, I jump.


Sunday, October 12, 2008


The only thing better than winning a football game bet where the prize was a cookie cake with "War Eagle!" on it is enjoying the spoils of your victory with the UT fan who had to buy it and two large fountain drinks from Sonic. Happy Sunday.

Friday, October 10, 2008


An e-mail from my mom: "How was the play? Are you going to blog about it? I think your readers need a break from the wreck seeing how the stock market crashed today and we all have problems... I want the details, of course, but I'm not sure they do."

So forgive me if I have been boring you to death with details of my wreck or my move or my computer or my new job or all this boring adult stuff that keeps happening to me! Trust me, I wish it weren't happening to me either (new job withstanding). But seriously. How neglectful of me to be blogging about such mundane subjects, especially when I could tell you story after non-boring story about my silly mother, like what she accidentally put on her toothbrush instead of toothpaste? How's that sound? But she'd kill me if I told you. So I better not mention it. No no no. Guess we'll have to stick to boring until something better comes along.

1. The play was great. A little creepy but good. They used this sirenesque noise each time Sweeney slayed someone and gosh if it didn't get annoying. You could see even the actors hated that noise. It was easily the worst noise in the world. I've already added the recent film adaptation to my Netflix queue; I can't wait to see Johnny Depp knock it out of the park. He's good at playing creepy people. And at playing Capt. Jack Sparrow, since Disney's ordered a fourth Pirates movie. But I digress. I really like going to plays and musicals. Good think we've got tickets/plans to keep it up.

2. Did you watch NBC last night: The Office? SNL Thursday Night Update? Kath and Kim? I missed them all but have very firm plans to watch them online during my event tonight. I hope all three live up to the hype!

3. Superbad is sitting at my house right now. Thank you, Netflix. I'm a year behind but I'm finally getting around to seeing this movie. I fear the same thing that happened when I watched Old School is going to happen when I watch Superbad - I won't think it's funny. At all. I watched Old School like a year and a half almost after it was in theaters and by then it was so played out. I'd heard all the funny parts quoted into oblivion, had even seen some of them acted out (thanks War Eagle Welcome) and was just over it. I'll let you know what I think about Superbad.

4. I am playing a little prank here at work, complements of my sister. My coworker is pretty mischievous so I picked him to prank. I left a note on his desk that said Call Mr. Lyon - 833-xxxx. What he doesn't know is that phone number is the number of the Nashville Zoo. So he's going to call the zoo and ask to speak to Mr. Lyon (lion)! Hahahaha. I am BESIDE myself waiting for him to get back from lunch.

5. Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly pregnant... again! Discuss!

Thursday, October 09, 2008


I am going to change the name of this blog to Pearls Of Wit With A Side Of Boring Insurance Information Interspersed At Random.

So, here's the latest update and it's a hefty one. I know you've all been on the edge of your seat today waiting to hear:

My insurance agent (a.k.a. Sam [a.k. on this blog a. No Show]) decided to get the claim process rolling because at this point, we're all tired of waiting on the other driver to surface. So he put me on the phone with the claims division to file the paperwork, and then about 30 minutes later, Ann*, the insurance adjuster assigned to my case, called me. She and I talked for about an hour. She had to record a statement from me over the phone, and then we talked a lot off the record. I am glad she has been assigned to my case. I could tell just from one phone call that she's a feisty one. She did some kind of special database search of recent insurance claims from all insurance companies and didn't see anything filed on this accident yet. Ann called that the first red flag. The other red flag is that I haven't been contacted by the other driver's insurance company yet. Mine and Ann's optimistic thinking is that maybe the other driver, whom I'd like to call Tonya*, was waiting to be contacted by my insurance company before she filed her claim. But then you have to remember that Tonya hasn't returned at least five phone calls now from three different people this week trying to get her insurance information.

So screw Optimism, and allow me know introduce you to my new friend Reality.

We're all assuming at this point Tonya is uninsured. If she's not, then she's on vacation or something, which I find hard to believe because she's got a new car to buy. Regardless, Ann called her today and told me she would continue to call her every day for ten days which I think is funny. Ann is also sending a certified letter to Tonya today, giving her 10 days to respond with her insurance information. Ann called it a "Cam" letter. I call it a "Bitch You Better Not Make This Any Harder Than It Needs To Be" letter. If ten days go by without a peep from Tonya, she is declared uninsured.

Now, either way this plays out, my butt is covered. Turns out, I have amazing insurance coverage. If Tonya comes out of the woodwork and proves she is insured, her company covers my deductible and the repairs and all. If we are Tonyaless after ten days, my insurance company reimburses me for the deductible and then goes after Tonya, not just for the deductible but for every penny they have to pay – rental car, towing costs, cost of my car since it's probably totaled, etc.

While I'm kind of joking about it, I really hope Tonya is insured. I feel sorry for her if she's not, because her money problems will only get worse from here on out if that's the case. And I sure don't want to deal with an angry Tonya. What if she went and got an accident report like me? Then she has my address! What if she tries to kill me? Her address is saved in Google searches on my work computer if I turn up missing, FYI. And the accident report with her "real" name and address is in a red folder on my desk with WRECK INFO written on it.

But other than that little blip on my radar, I feel really good either way. The wreck itself won't cost me much -- a new car, on the other hand, certainly will. But everyone with my insurance company is being really helpful. I am going to get my a rental car tomorrow and my car is being towed today to the preferred repair service to begin the damage assessment. And while I was typing all of this, Anne was probably calling Tonya again.

Additionally, after all of this went down, the officer that reported the accident finally returned my messages. He remembers going through Tonya's glove compartment to find her registration, and also remembers finding some proof of insurance, but didn't copy it down. Which brings me back to what I shared with you yesterday.

So there you go. My advice if you have a wreck -- call me first and not your insurance.

*Ann is not her real name. But it is MUCH, much easier to pronounce.
*Tonya is not her real name, either. But it could be.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


I have a story to tell you. Remember when I mentioned that Follow That Bird scared me really bad as a child and I couldn't watch it without crying for Big Bird? And I can't watch it at all now?

Well, C and I watched Muppets Take Manhattan recently, and about 20 minutes into the movie, this happens. All the Muppets leave Kermit in Manhattan and take off to do their own thing. But for some reason, "Saying Goodbye" - the song they sing when they leave - made me WEEP. Not teary eyed; not a single, lone tear; I mean open-mouthed, audible sobbing.

Disclaimer/In my defense: You should know that when we watched this movie it was That Time Of The Month and I hadn't had a good hard cry about the recent wreck yet. So a good hard cry was due. Additionally, I'm sure my reaction to that song wouldn't be that hard of a cry every time. I hadn't seen the movie in a while, which is why I put it in my Netflix queue in the first place. I know the song and know it usually makes me sad, but even I didn't see what happened coming.

C was stunned at my tears. Bless his heart. I know my sister is the same way at that part of the movie - she fast forwards because she can't watch it. I was glad to hear I was not the only one with strong feelings toward Follow That Bird; someone please come forward and tell me "Saying Goodbye" makes you cry, too.


Things are looking up!

*My office got to hear my Sarah Palin impersonation yesterday. If you've ever heard my northwestern accent voice (Minnesota) it's not too dissimilar from that. I am a hoot.

*It's finally Ugg time!

*I am going to see Sweeney Todd tomorrow night. I love a good trip to the theatuh. You have to say it like Clairee from Steel Magnolias. Not theater, theatuh.

*It's Wednesday which means the debate here in Nashville is over which means the world can start turning again.

*I managed to go a week without having a wreck or having to move. Progress, people!

*I got the accident report from last week. Just to change things up a bit, for once let me offer a pearl of wisdom to you readers: if you're ever involved in an accident, even if the person that hits you leaves the scene in a neck brace on a stretcher in an ambulance, GET HER INSURANCE INFORMATION ON THE SCENE. The officer that arrives on the scene will have to see it anyway to verify that the driver is insured, so while the officer has the information - as long as you are safe and sound and not on a stretcher yourself, God forbid - you ask the officer to copy it down on the accident report for you and then watch him do it, or borrow his pen and some paper and copy it down yourself. All the officer does with each party's proof of insurance is make sure it's valid, and issue a ticket if it's not. Meaning, a week later, your insurance company has no way of contacting her insurance company (or vice versa) because it's not on the paperwork and you didn't copy it down. Which then means, after you finally get the accident report with her phone number on it, your insurance agent has to place what I can only assume is an awkward call to that other driver to get the name of her insurance provider so he knows who to call to get this process moving. And even then, once you have the paperwork, once he calls her, you can only hope that she will answer those phone calls, give him accurate information, wasn't showing false proof of insurance to the officer, etc. etc. etc.

*Did I mention it's Ugg time?

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Monday, October 06, 2008


Nothing funny or clever to say today, kids. Those of you who have been inquiring about my shoulder, thanks for the concern. It was still pretty painful on Saturday, but I woke up Sunday and felt great. I could lift my arm and move it around with minimal pain. And today it's even better.

So the good news is now I have one less thing to worry about. The bad news is that's only one less thing to worry about out of what feels like five billion mounting things.

Oh, I have a computer update. I got an e-mail last week saying service was complete and to come pick up my computer. One small problem: I didn't authorize any service. Best Lie strikes again. I called them and found out that all this time my computer was sitting at Geekville HQ and they were calling the wrong number over and over trying to find out what I'd like them to do with the computer. Here's what I want you to do, Geeks: put four wheels and an engine on it and send it back to me immediately. Regardless, they sent it off again only after I made sure they had three different numbers at which to call me, and I should be hearing from them again any day now. At which point I'll probably tell them I can't afford to fix it anymore but thanks for playing.

So lately in my spare time, when I'm not bumming rides or hounding my insurance agent or bothering my computer repairman, I've been focusing on what really matters in life: Saturday Night Live and deciding what I want to be for Halloween.

Friday, October 03, 2008


1. I'm much more sore today. Much much much more. If it doesn't go away, I'm going to the doctor Monday. I don't want a bum shoulder for the rest of my life.

2. I'm thinking of letting my hair get "long" again. By long I mean a few inches past my shoulders. I love it short but I miss being able to put it in a knot or a ponytail. But considering how everyone went bananas when I cut it, I'm trying to decide how it really looks best.

3. I have an event tonight for Auburn's Tigers Unlimited! Isn't that exciting? War Eagle.

4. It's officially boot season and I'm excited. I've decided to get new Uggs with a Visa gift card my mom gave me for my birthday, but in the meantime, I'm wearing my cowboy boots. Yeehaw!

5. Another Broadway play is closing. Bye, Hairspray.

Sorry this Friday Five was short and sweet. I feel horrible. Hopefully the Tylenol I took will help me perk up.

Thursday, October 02, 2008


I had such a great night planned for last night. I had no one to host, nowhere to go, no events to work, just a night to relax and try some stuff done. I left work just after 5, was going to run errands, get some decorating done in my apartment, possibly move some more boxes/clothes, take a long bath and get in bed early.

But fate had other plans:It happened so fast that people had to tell me afterward what even occurred. I was just traveling in my lane, and this lady was trying to pull out in front of two lanes of traffic to make a left turn. The car in the inside lane waved her on, without seeing me in his/her blind spot I guess, and we hit so hard that it spun her 180ยบ and I landed in the inside turn lane. The officer told me that it was her "fault" since I had the right of way.
You can see from the giant arrow in my painting that the car that waved her out into traffic left the scene. Scumbag. There were several nice witnesses that remained to make sure we were all okay and to call the police, etc.

I am sore as hell today from the airbag and seatbelt. Both airbags inflated and the driver's side one hit my forearms and right shoulder upon impact. My nose hurts a little bit today but the airbag missed my face for the most part. The driver of the other car was taken to the hospital to get her neck checked out just to be safe. She had two kids in the car, both of which are okay.

So thankfully, no one was injured beyond whiplash and bruises. And you know how I've been meaning to get a new car? Well looks like that's gonna happen sooner than later. I just hope they offer me more than $100 for that piece of junk. And at least I wasn't living in my car anymore. Then I'd be carless AND homeless. And thankfully I had C to call to come get me, help me collect what few things were in my car and take me home (after cooking me a delicious comfort food dinner). And thankfully my insurance agent is a friend whom I called from the scene and asked what to do. And thankfully I live close to work so I can do without a car for a few days if I have to, until the insurance claim kicks in for a rental. Can you tell I am looking for silver linings to this cloud?

Just when I'd hoped things would be getting back to normal. Oh well. Like C said, at least that "check engine" light will finally get fixed.

And in case anyone's keeping track, that's one wreck, two moves, a new job, and a broken computer, all since July.

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