Tuesday, July 01, 2008


I don't know when it started. But it's time that it got stopped. My mother, the English major, has started using more exclamation points and question marks in her e-mails than she does actual letters. Observe these, all from the month of June.

"How was tap class?????????????????"

On this day at approximately 11:40 am I birthed the best gift God ever gave me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a blessed Day!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WOOHOOOOO!!!!! That would be sooooo great!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WWWWWWWooooooooooooooooooooHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This calls for extra exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It hurts your eyes to read, doesn't it? And she gets mad when I don't reply. Interestingly enough, while searching for these e-mails, I noticed that all the ones I had replied to were properly punctuated.

So yesterday, after receiving this:

"Whoa!! Did you look at that photo of [family friend]--she is a beauty!!!!!!!!!!! Miss Fall Rush???!!!!!!!!!!!"

I wrote this:

Please kindly consider your exclamation point privileges revoked. You are an English major and therefore should know that we all have about seven total uses of an exclamation point in our lives. You have grossly exceeded your lifetime allotment of exclamation points.
From now on, e-mails with more than 2 exclamation points will not get a reply. Furthermore, e-mails with three or more exclamation points will be forwarded to the authorities who will resort to disciplinary action including but not limited to canceling any and all of the violating party's e-mail accounts.
Thank you for your consideration and cooperation in this matter.
The Grammar Police

She replied:

Dear Grammar Police... How am I supposed to express abundant enthusiasm? Maybe with this? *************************or this?&&&&&&&&&&&or this?############

My response:

You don't need to express abundant enthusiasm in an e-mail. You have cried wolf with your enthusiasm and now if it has a billion exclamation points, I honestly skim it. Notice which of your e-mails I do respond to: the ones sent by a human and not by a clown. Do yourself a favor and stop using them so much.PLEASE.

Her answer:
Ok I will abandon all punctuation of any kind I love you now you have another idea for my headstone:

(Yes, she likes to talk about her headstone.)

But tell me - am I the only who finds that super annoying? It's right up there with USING ALL CAPS ALL OF THE TIME. It's called Netiquette, Mom. Give it a whirl.

1 comment:

  1. How often does she send emails like this??????

    Does she misuse them at inappropriate times like Joey's air quotes???????????

    She's not "the" one.


Oh goody!

wordpress blog stats