Tuesday, March 18, 2008


I accidentally watched the Bachelor last night. By "accidentally", I mean that is was not on my list of things to do, but I am SO glad I did.

Y'all - WHAT IN THE HECK has this show come to? Flutes? Guitars? Fuzzy dice? Tin cans? PANTIES?

Remember when the Bachelor was good? Back when 20 people crowded into one dorm room to see who Andrew Firestone was sending home? What happened? Where did ABC go wrong? ...And why did Firestone never call me?

So this Bachelor is British (something new), and the women are crazy (nothing new). Where should I start?

There's Stacey, the token girl who get so hammered the first night that producers wheel a mattress into the bathroom for her to pass out on, but only after she tells the Bachelor and another girl that they were "seriously boring her" with a conversation about London (once again - where the Bachelor is from) AND manages to force her panties into the pocket of the poor, unwitting Bachelor. Let's just hope they were a spare pair, because that is Disgusting with a capital D. Obviously, Stacey didn't get a rose. Is it bad that I was sad to see her go?

Then we have Carri, the church marketing representative who whips out a soda can, chomps into it like a dog on a bone and tears off a piece for the Bachelor to keep. I don't understand and immediately started asking questions: Where did she get the can? How did she learn to do this? Is this a church camp trick? What was he supposed to do with a quarter-sized piece of scrap metal? At least give him the whole can so he can recycle it. And oh yes - WHY did she think this would be attractive?!?!? Watch me chew on a can! Watch me bury this bone! Watch me fetch this toy!

Then there's the law student from Vegas. I'm sorry - what? That's like saying I'm a law student from Cancun. No one goes to Vegas to study law; you go to Vegas to break the law.

And when did the Bachelor become American Idol? The women, in an effort to win the First Impression Rose, pack all sort of equipment with which to impress the Bachelor on the first night. Someone played the guitar! Someone brought her flute! There was arm wrestling. We had Rock Paper Scissors. And I already told you about the girl with the can. Look - this is not America's Got Talent! There's a time and a place for guitars and flutes (but not for can chewing) and it's NOT the first night with the Bachelor.

Clearly I have never been on the show, but I would think that if you wanted to make a good impression on the Bachelor (or any human for that matter) I would start with:

a) NOT getting knock-down drunk on your first date;
b) being poised, demure, well-spoken and interested (aka - don't tell him conversations about his hometown are "seriously boring");
c) NOT demasculating him by challenging him to - and then beating him in - an arm-wrestling competition, Rock Paper Scissors competition or any other kind of stupid human trick or display of strength for which you may have won a prize, title or be "sort of a champion" in;
d) NOT pointing out that the ring on your finger is merely a "placeholder" for the ring you'll get from him one day;

and as I mentioned

e) NOT shoving your panties into his pants pocket while he is talking to another woman ESPECIALLY if you are so drunk it takes you three tries to find his pants pocket.

And yes, all of those took place last night.

My point? The Bachelor as a show and the Bachelorettes as a whole are OUT OF CONTROL. It's literally time for last call for this show. It's like a white Flavor of Love now except the Bachelor has less children and more class than Flavor. But you see what I mean? We I watch Flavor of Love for the cringe factor and that is why I will watch the Bachelor. Even though Panties (her name was Stacey) has gone home, I anticipate several more cringe-worthy moments this season.

Don't believe me? Visit ABC.com and watch last night's episode. It's outrageous.


  1. it's about time they reached the bottom of the proverbial bucket of single women willing to risk their dignity for love

  2. Not the very very bottom. After all, this train has yet to derail on national television.

    Maybe I should apply to be the next Bachelorette? Instead of "The Bachelor: London Calling" they could call it "The Bachelorette: Dixieland Delight" or "The Bachelorette: If You Ain't Got No Money Take Your Broke Broke Home."


  3. how will we know it's a the bottom? when Brooke from RW: Denver appears?

  4. Consider the "proverbial bucket of single women willing to risk their dignity for love" scraped dry when I go on the show.

    As for Brooke, I'd expect her to bi - I mean be - the next Shot at Love girl before the next Bachelorette.

  5. "Where did ABC go wrong?"
    "Visit ABC.com and watch last night's episode. It's outrageous"

    Did they go wrong?

  6. What is.... THE BACHELOR?

  7. I cannot get sucked into this show again ... but now you've made me want to watch it and see how much worse it gets.

  8. i loved watching with all the other girls on the hall....after a nice breezeway dinner. good times! :)

  9. You had me going. I almost believed this was The Bachelor until you mentioned it was on ABC. Now, when will you tell us the real story? This is the same plot line as Desperate Housewives (you just combined all the guys and named them "The Bachelor" collectively).

    Secondly, Brooke was experimenting. Ev only put up with her, because she knew that Brooke would go home quickly. Brooke isn't bi, she was doing it for show. She will never be on Shot At Love. I could see Jennifer's scenario. She's perfect for Desperate Housewives, or as you say "The Bachelor." And no I don't watch Desperate Housewives. Not cuz it's not manly, but b/c it's ridiculous. I'll admit I watched season 1.

    I'm a week behind on Gauntlet III. My TiVo keeps forgetting to record it. "Damn you TiTo. See, I call it by the wrong name to taunt it." Name that person...

  10. Eric: The Bachelor used to be good - that's my point. They went down a wrong path and it got ridiculous, but now it's SO ridiculous that it's good again. I guess they are getting their ratings but if you are sinking to panty pockets to get them, what does that say about your network?

    Jennie: Watch the first episode and tell me what you think.

    Katie: Me too! Or maybe I just miss Breezeway. No, I miss the hall too.

    David: What are you talking about, you almost believed it was The Bachelor until I said it was on ABC? What channel do you think The Bachelor comes on? As for the rest of your post, I have no idea what else you are talking about. You confused me. You segue from G3 to DH then to TiTo...? I need to lay down after reading that.

  11. try Rock of Love 2 - trashy is not only acceptable; it's expected and HILARIOUS.

    P.S. - my hotel bar waitress just hit on me. Yes, I typed waitress. Another round, please!

  12. I understand your point. I just wanted to bring up the other point too. My friend at ABC doesn't even like the show.

    If tv was about quality, there would be no vh1 or mtv after real world: new orleans, and there would be 60 minutes of dead air before Idol instead of The Moment of Truth.


Oh goody!

wordpress blog stats