Monday, January 28, 2008


It happened again, y'all. I went back to Carrabba's on Saturday night and guess who waited on me? This guy.

He was just as bad as before. As soon as we sat down, I could tell from his twitching and overzealous welcome that it was going to be a very long night.

My mind went numb. I was kicking my friend under the table while typing into my phone all the dumb things he was saying. He managed to make fun of Parkinson's patients, Latin Americans, African Americans, Run DMC, Journey's Shoe Store, his parents, the religious right, wine snobs and more. He didn't bat an eye when he told us his hourly salary. He showed no remorse as he complained that another table didn't leave him a tip and actually asked us if we thought it was bad to fill an 18 percent tip in on the credit card receipt anyway.

I wanted to ask him how his lactose intolerance issues were working out but I wasn't prepared to sit there and listen to the answer.

To his credit, the service was fine. We got our food and bread and drinks all very promptly. But his table-side manner is enough to make you want to stab yourself (or him) in the eye with a fork. And I don't think he has any idea how annoying he comes off! He seemed shell shocked when that table left him absolutely no tip, especially because he "was so nice to them and gave them great service!" I think he equates great service with a lot of talking. Now I'm not so mean that I wouldn't leave a tip at all, but it's like, news flash: I did not order a side of personal history pasta to accompany this salad!

Anyway. Go to the Carrabba's at Green Hills and ask for Eric. If he's not the most awkward and annoying waiter you've ever had, I'll pay for your meal.

P.S.: If he's not there, check behind the restaurant's dumpster, where I spied him smoking a cigarette while I was driving away.


  1. I think that Eric uses every table that he serves as a free, private therapy session. He obviously has a lot of things he needs to work out. Don't forget Eric, Jesus loves you.

  2. I'll have to check him out.

    P.S. your link to "this guy" doesn't work.

  3. Oops. It works now. And I can't believe this has been up since 9 this morning you're the first person who's said something about it.

  4. some of us have jobs and can't surf the internet freely at work. haha, just kidding.

  5. I agree with Wes. Some of us have jobs like my double life as a waiter at Carramba's. Anyone who can segue between Run DMC, Latin Americans, and the religious right in a dinner conversation is my hero.

  6. I would complain to the carrabas manager or corporate. I have done it a few times and have gotten great results out of it. you just suggest something along the lines of- l would like a gift certificate so that my next meal is a little more enjoyable

  7. Let's just clarify: there's only room for one Eric in my life, and you've got the throne on lock down, buddy.
    And I think it's too late to complain now? Plus, if I complain then he might get fired and then I can't parade any of my friends into Carrabba's to meet the Waiter From Hell.


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