Thursday, January 03, 2008


One of my favorite scenes from Father of the Bride is when George, in a fit of rage, went to the supermarket to get dinner for the family. The stuff hit the fan on the bread aisle, when the stock-boy asked George what he is doing:

"I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns. Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for everything they don't need rather than make a stink. Well they're not ripping of this nit-wit anymore because I'm not paying for one more thing I don't need. George Banks is saying NO!"

Well. No disrespect to George Banks, but my indignation is over something far more substantial than buns and wieners which will be gone after dinner anyway. I have stumbled across another truth, hid until this moment by the big-shots who think nit-wits will pay for everything they don't need rather than make a stink. Hold your nose, y'all, cause I'm about to make a stink.


Let me explain. It took me like four years to decide I finally want some Ugg boots, or something that looks really close for a quarter of the price. So off I trot to the shoe store. They ended up not having my size in the color I want, but I tried on another color in the same style just to see if I liked the fit.

I folded up and tucked in the leg of the boot-cut jeans I was wearing, put my foot into the boot and looked in the mirror.

I looked RIDICULOUS. Stupid, even, and no, it wasn't the boots. I looked like I was wearing some shoddy blue jean knickers, all puffed at the knees from being haphazardly stuffed into the boot with about three different pleats/folds exploding from inside the bootleg. It looked horrible. Sloppy, unkempt and atrocious. There is NO way that I could wear these jeans, or any jeans in my closet for that matter, with this kind or any other kind of boot unless I was trying to get cast on Flavor of Love since that is the only place you can look like a mess and get away with it.

I put the shoe back in the box, headed to my car and thought "Well, if I find the shoes in my size, I guess I'll just get some skinny leg jeans to wear with them."

And that's when it hit me. Since when should America buy clothes to wear with our shoes? Hasn't it always been the other way around? Clothes are the priority, and then eventually you accumulate shoes that go with certain clothes in your closet. Some years, you buy new shoes. The point is that the clothes come first, then the shoes. It should not be that you buy shoes and have to go buy certain clothes to wear with them.

I am outraged. Absolutely furious. How come people haven't been whistle-blowing this already? Am I the first one to realize that someone at GAP has made millions of dollars based on the sales of skinny jeans? Notice they came back in style suspiciously close to when Uggs got really popular.

But here's the thing that I am most outraged and furious about: unlike George Banks, I will not be able to say no to this tandem, wallet draining combo. I bought the boots. And since they are a quarter of the price of real Uggs, it's okay that I have to buy new jeans to wear with my new boots, right? Riiiiight.


  1. Or maybe the bigger issue is that someone at GAP has made millions of dollars while a 13 year old girl in China has worked 15 hour days and made a couple of bucks a day to make those precious jeans.

  2. no Linds, you're issue is bigger for sure. (note: this is a witty blog, not political, let's keep it light kids.)

    But the bigger travesty is all the girls out there who now have to deal with the sweaty, smelly, fake fur in your toes yuckiness of uggs. Damn you Paris and Jess.

    You rock 'em for sure though. Respond ya next time.

  3. You're right... this is a witty blog... even hilarious most days. that's the very reason i read it. But in the midst of our wittiness and lightheartedness it's important to remember things that matter. i'm all for the humor, but more than i support humor i support justice and change.

    I love this blog, thanks for your hilarious take on life!

  4. Now now boys - play nice :)

    Thanks for the praises. I'm glad you both like what you read.


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