COMPETITIVE

If anyone in Nashville is looking for something fun to do tonight, you can come with my friends and I to the Nashville Bacchanalian Society's first event at Cheekwood.

This is so amazing - I wish I had thought of it. You get in a team of 3 and bring 3 bottles of the same wine with you to the event. Everyone brings the same kind of wine - as in, Thursday is Pinot Noir night. So you pay $10 at the door where they put aside one of your team's bottles and keep the other two out for tasting. Those two bottles are covered up and randomly assigned a number, so you don't know which bottle is which. Everyone goes around and tastes all the wine and votes for the best and worst. At the end of the night, the top five teams with the best tasting wine (as voted on by attendees) get to take home all the third, unopened bottles! Think how much wine you could get! And the team whose wine is voted the worst wine gets to take their yucky unopened bottle home.

My team and I went to pick out our wine on Tuesday during our lunch break. We set a budget before we went in the wine store and came in under; hurrah! Indicative of how big a party this is going to be: the Pinot Noir shelves were already almost empty, and all the boxed Pinot Noir is gone (yes, we asked). Our bottles of 2005 Parducci have been resting comfortably in my office this week in a Grey Goose box, prompting about 10 inquiries/strange looks from passerbys. Look, if I were so unhappy that I had to resort to bringing caseloads of liquor into work to get me through the day—Water bottle? Check. Lunch? Check. Case of Vodka? Check.—believe me, it wouldn't be Grey Goose. Maybe if I was paid more, I could afford to hypothetically buy cases of nice vodka and bring them work with me. Or, not need hypothetical cases of vodka altogether since, after all, I would be making more money.

I'm guessing there'll be at least 100 teams there, and all the wine is going to start tasting the same after taste 7 or 8, so I'm estimating that it won't take but like 10 votes to break into the top five wine-winning teams. So, our my plan is to get as many people we know to go to the event with us and then rig it by all voting for the same team's wine and then splitting the loot.

Okay, I'm only kidding, we're not going cheat.

...Well, maybe not. More than likely not. I mean, we will probably not cheat. Could it we cheat? Totally. But will we? There's a chance. But it's a small chance. But a chance nonetheless. Maybe. We'll see. I don't know. Just ask me when you get there.