Sunday, November 04, 2007


Today I was invited to the Titans game. It was lovely football weather and possibly the only football game, college or NFL, that I'll attend this year. But that's another blog post, now isn't it?

Anyway, I've never understood penalties and rules in football. Whereas my friends and sister can spot fouls like Illegal Blocking, Holding or Pass Interference (are those the same things?), the only ones I can recognize are False Start, Offsides, and sometimes, if I'm paying attention, I spot a Facemask.

So today at the Titans game, the ref threw his flag and trotted to center field to report that the foul was for Taunting. WTF? Is this a real foul? I've heard it called Unsportsmanlike Conduct before, but he called it Taunting.

Well naturally this sent me into a fit of giggles and I got the best idea I have gotten all year. I decided I want a flag for life, so I came home and made my own "flag" similar to a referee's except mine is a bottle of Advil wrapped in a bandanna with a rubber band around it.

I am going to carry this flag around and start calling people out when they commit fouls. Most of the ones in football apply to life, including:

Illegal Procedure
or Personal fouls- Someone does something that I don't like (such as Taunting apparently)
Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Taking the last of the coffee and not making more
Equipment Violation - Stealing a pen or other office supply
False Start or Delay of Game - When someone makes me late; my boss tells me the meeting is at 2 and then is late; taking too long to do something in general
Illegal Motion
or Illegal Shift - People moving in a way I do not like, such as towards me in a crowded bar
Illegal Touching - When someone touches me when I don't want him to, including inadvertently in a bar (read: the wings got a bit annoying on Halloween)
Blocking Below the Waist - Ha. Coming between me and a cute guy?
Neutral Zone Infraction, Offsides or Encroachment - Sitting on my desk, asking too personal of information or asking me why I haven't been my usual "table dancing" self
Illegal use of Hands - Waving a cigarette in my face
Illegal Participation - Reading the blog and not commenting

And those are just off the top of my head! I haven't thought of any for Illegal Contact , Sideline Infraction or Substitution Infraction yet, but there are plenty of possibilities.

Submit your own or get called for Illegal Participation!


  1. My two favorite hand motions are "roughing the kicker" and "sideline warning." I guess sideline warning could be "get the hell out of my cubicle."??? I dunno.

  2. what about touchdown?! I realize it's not a penalty, but what, in life, would be exciting enough to make you throw your hands in the air like that ...?

  3. Interesting question. I hadn't thought about it since the flag is only thrown for negative actions.

    I guess there's the obvious answer: Scoring :) And I suppose mine and JB's waiter could have gotten touchdown points because he gave us a free dessert last night.

    I think I''m going to throw a Delay of Game flag when/if I meet my future husband.

  4. clipping. given to the person that gives you a bad haircut. Fair catch interference could go along with your blocking below the waist.

  5. Good job, Wessy.

    Sideline interference: when someone crosses the street when there is no crosswalk. Also known as jaywalking. Get back on the curb fool!

  6. Illegal use of hands is definitely the worst one you've got. If someone waves a cigarette in my face, I won't throw a flag. I'll punch them out.

  7. And for the record, I heard a high school ref one time give a penalty for a swift kick to the balls. He called it "15 yards for giving him the business". I think you can find it on YouTube.

  8. You are so funny.


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