JEALOUS

Dear Jessica Biel,

On behalf of all the women in the world who screamed, danced, clapped and/or cried our way through Justin Timberlake's recent concert tour, I'd just like to say - WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

You stupid, selfish woman. You are lucky enough to bask in the presence that is JT, but for months you DENY that you're in a relationship? This blows my mind. Unless he made you sign a confidentiality agreement, there is no excuse for this behavior.

Let me put it to you this way, Miss Biel. Let's say I had lunch with - let alone happened to be dating - Justin Timberlake. I'd be telling everyone. I'm talking renting billboards, calling radio stations, doing the morning talk show circuit, and airbrushing it on a T-Shirt and/or license plate: "I DATED JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!"

Because you see, Jessica, not everyone gets to enjoy the company of such a genius (a beautiful, talented genius). So if I were to be graced with such good fortune, I'd want the world to know about it.

So on behalf of women around the world, for God's sake - STOP denying the rumors. Hold his damn hand. Sit on his lap if you want! I don't care. But don't waste our time and pretend that nothing is going on. We all know it is and we all hate you for it. But because we love Justin more than we love ourselves, we want him to be happy. So please give him the love and affection that we would so generously provide if only he'd let us. He deserves it.

In summation, stop thinking of just yourself, Jessica Biel. Millions of women would happily spend time with Justin Timberlake, myself included. But he didn't choose me, he chose you. So do us all a favor and stop denying it. Own it. Quit pretending and stake your claim. Stop taking him for granted and start taking pride in the glory that is Justin Timberlake. You owe it to us.

Thank you for your time.

I hate you,
Lindsay