Sign No. 5,324 That I Am Getting Old:
My Camp War Eagle campers, if I taught them correctly,
are now should be Seniors at Auburn.
This must be how my mom felt the first time she received a high school graduation invitation from a child to whom she taught K4.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Have you seen this?
FOXNews.com - "An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog that just may be the biggest pig ever found.
Jamison Stone's father says the hog his son killed weighed a 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail.
After seeing the pig in person, taxidermist Jerry Cunningham told The Anniston Star it was "the biggest thing I'd ever seen ... it's huge."
Jamison, who killed his first deer at age 5, was hunting with father Mike Stone and two guides in east Alabama on May 3 when he bagged Hogzilla II. He said he shot the huge animal eight times with a .50-caliber revolver and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.
Through it all there was the fear that the animal would turn and charge them, as wild boars have a reputation of doing.
"I was a little bit scared, a little bit excited," said Jamison. His father said that, just to be extra safe, he and the guides had high-powered rifles aimed and ready to fire in case the beast with 5-inch tusks decided to charge.
With the pig finally dead in a creek bed on the 2,500-acre Lost Creek Plantation, a commercial hunting preserve in Delta, trees had to be cut down and a backhoe brought in to bring Jamison's prize out of the woods.
The hog's head is now being mounted on an extra-large foam form by Cunningham of Jerry's Taxidermy in Oxford. Cunningham said the animal measured 54 inches around the head, 74 inches around the shoulders and 11 inches from the eyes to the end of its snout.
Mike Stone is having sausage made from the rest of the animal. "We'll probably get 500 to 700 pounds," he said."
A PIG AS BIG AS A CAR?!?!?!?!?!? SERIOUSLY? It's like a hairy, smelly Volkswagen beetle!
I love that he's getting the head mounted on 'extra large' foam form. Where in the WORLD is the kid going to hang it!?!? You know his mom is not letting him put it up in the house. I think he should sell it to Ripley's.
And lastly - 700 lb of sausage? SICK. I guess we know who'll be hosting this year's 4th of July BBQ!
All jokes aside, this made me want to puke. Hogzilla? Nasty!
at 3:33 PM
Just drawing attention to my intense hatred of May 29. May 29 and I have not spoken since last year and we will not be friends until she begins treating me nicely. We'll see how today goes, but I don't trust May 29 so I wouldn't hold your breath for reconciliation anytime soon.
at 11:43 AM
Friday, May 25, 2007
Lately, I feel like I've been extra happy because of all that I had to look forward to. It's been a big spring: two weddings in the fam, Justin concert, trip to L.A., etc.
Someone told me that while I'm young, it's important to balance two things: saving so that I can enjoy myself when I'm older, but at the same time, spending so that I can enjoy myself right now. Before I get married and have children, I should take advantage of the fun times that are all around me.
So I think I am going to start planning cool adventures every 6 months. Life is all about experiences. I think this fall's will be a weekend trip to NYC to see Rent. When better to go see that musical than when I have friends in NYC to stay with, and when 2 of the original actors are reprising their roles?
Time for a list!
Things I Still Hope To Do in Life:
15. Go to Las Vegas
14. Attend Saturday Night Live taping
13. Attend a really big gala that involves a fancy dress and a date in a tuxedo (one more formal, if you will... or get married)
12. See a musician I really like (instead of one my mother really likes) at the Ryman Auditorium
11. See the Grand Ole Opry
10. See 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
9. See Wicked 8. Attend a taping of Friends (I guess I should think about crossing this one off, but it was on there for so long that I can't bring myself to.) I came as close to that as I think I ever will.
7. Find the Home Alone house in Winnetka, Ill.
6. Meet President or Mrs. George W. Bush
5. Write satire for something other than my blog
4. Go to Italy
3. Record an album
2. Get married
1. Become a mother
Let me know if you want to finance or get in on any of those tasks (especially #2).
at 10:22 AM
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
L.A. was so amazing. You have no idea. It was so fun. The work part was of course lame but every minute I spent outside of the conference was AWESOME. We really packed a lot into our 2 days.
In a nutshell:
Thursday: Sat by a talkative Latino on the flight. Eric picked me up. Went to 3rd Street Promenade. Drove the long way home.
Friday: Father of the Bride house. Shopping in Old Pasadena. Millennium Dance Complex. Lunch and private tour at Warner Brothers Studios. Taping of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Wicked and private backstage tour after.
Saturday: Tour of the Kodak. Graumann's Chinese Theatre. Met Boq from Wicked. Drove around Bel-Air, Beverly Hills. Shopped and ate at the Grove. Dessert with Eric's friends.
Sunday: Conference (boo).
Monday: Conference (boo). Tour of Stars' Homes - saw Felicity Huffman & William H. Macy going into their house, Ben Affleck through his window, Victoria Beckham shopping on Rodeo. Dinner. Met Paula Abdul. Ice cream with Eric.
Tuesday: Conference (boo). Dinner at Café Med on Sunset. Drove around Sunset/Hollywood. Walked to Kodak (post-idol hoopla). Met the witches from Wicked.
So that's the nutshell version. Here, in more specific detail, are my top 10 highlights from the trip:
1. Visit to Central Perk - I can't explain how special this was. As you know, I have been to the set of Friends before, 10 years ago when I was an innocent preteen. That visit prompted my obsession, and I have spent the past 10 years wishing I could go back. I thought it was a lost cause when the show went off the air. Therefore, at the risk of sounding overly fanatic, getting to see, photograph, sit on, etc., the Central Perk set in its entirety was basically a dream coming true. It was sensory overload. Second best moment of my life so far.
2. Wicked - Run, don't walk, to your local production of this show. Best Broadway play/musical I have ever seen.
3. Backstage tour of Wicked - You can't put a price on this. Even people that get to go backstage don't get pictures with all the best props and get the scoop from the Prop Master himself. This was ten times as cool because we'd just come from the show (my excitement over which has not waned a bit since).
4. Tour of Warner Brothers - Driving around the rest of the Warner Brothers lot was pretty exciting. We got to see a lot of cool sets where who only knows how many movies have been filmed. And we had a great tour guide, Eric's friend Regina, who was super knowledgeable and let me take pictures wherever I wanted.
5. Victoria Beckham sighting - Posh was shopping while filming her new reality show. I am a Spice Girls fan (maybe the last one left) and seeing how ridiculous the paparazzi are was pretty funny. Of course, our tour bus was not helping the problem as our driver stopped traffic on our side of the street. But, if I were driving around tourists and was working for tips, I'd have done the same thing.
6. Paula Abdul sighting - This was fun because we had seen Paula in the Kodak Anex filming some sound bytes for the Idol Finale week. So we lolly gagged for a while, watching her, then go upstairs to eat. We were sitting on the patio, reading our menus, when around the corner comes a posse of about 5 or 6 bodyguards and in the center, one petite Ms. Abdul who was totally engrossed in her Blackberry. I grabbed my boss' camera (since I killed my battery on our stars' homes tour) and went and got a picture with Paula. I politely thanked her and said that I love the show, to which she looked up from her Blackberry and said thanks. I won't say she looked a little drugged, but I won't say she seemed entirely alert. Later, I found out she'd broken her nose over the weekend, but I didn't notice it at the time.
7. Felicity Huffman/William H. Macy sighting - Our driver was pulling up to their house, telling us that they lived there, when we see 2 black labs running in the yard. Then we see someone jump behind a fence. Our relentless driver honked the horn and didn't move the bus. It was us v. them. We won, because a few minutes later, after realizing our driver wasn't going to move until they did, William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman came out from the fence and continued climbing their steps. I did feel bad when I saw their daughter was with them. William turned around and waved but Felicity kept walking, shaking her head the whole way up the stairs. I didn't feel too sorry for her, since the jeans she was wearing probably cost more than what I make in a year, if bus loads of tourists annoy her that much, she could ask about 50 of her neighbors for the name of a good tall hedge fence builder.
8. Stars' Homes Tour - I know I am not the only one interested in where these people live. The houses are beautiful. It was interesting how some were basically on the street (Leonardo) while others were about a mile off it (Diddy). I think I would make a good paparazzi, because I could gawk all day and never get tired of it. I was staring at houses, cars, gardeners, cars passing us on the street, street signs, everything. It's a lot to take in. Among the homes we saw: Will Ferrell, Gwen Stefani, Dr. Phil, Jon Bon Jovi, Ben & Jen Affleck, Diddy, Snoop Dogg, Bow Wow, and more.
9. Leno - I love Jimmy Fallon and think Jamie Foxx is a great actor and musician. Seeing them live and in person was cool. And Leno's show is so efficient! It was a fun time.
10. Café Med - It was special to have my last meal in L.A. on the Sunset Strip. We were on the patio so I had a great view. Good company, good food, good times.
(Bonus: Trying on Jimmy Choos - While we were at the Grove, Eric and I had time to kill so we went into Neiman Marcus where I tried on a pair of Jimmy Choos. Ladies - worth every penny. I walked around the shoe area in them and I could tell how nicely they were made. The arch was perfect, the sole was cushy... Now I am spoiled. Trying those on might have been a mistake.)
For pictures of these highlights and much much more, click here.
L.A. was great but I don't think I could live there. I would want to spend too much money and not work every day so that I could go gawk. But, it was nice while it lasted. And now I miss it, and I miss my great tour guide/host! To quote Elphaba, "Ev'ry so often we long to steal to the land of what-might-have-been; But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in..."
I guess I will just have to plan a star-studded, all-access, perks-galore trip to NYC so I'll have something to look forward to for the next 6 months!
at 10:05 PM
Monday, May 21, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
L.A. = Amazing
Going on a private tour of Warner Brothers and then getting to hang out on the actual Central Perk set = Mind-blowing
Seeing Wicked and then taking a backstage tour = Awe-inspiring
Great weekend with a friend = incredible
$0.49/minute internet = style-cramping
Barely any service in the hotel = upsetting
This has been a once-in-a-lifetime trip! I am having an incredible time! Or, more accurately, I WAS having an incredible time. Who wants to be cooped up in a hotel when you're in L-freakin-A?
at 7:12 PM
Friday, May 18, 2007
I made it to L.A.! That was the longest plane ride I have EVER been on, and Miguel sitting beside me was not easing my pain. Besides giving one-word answers and PUTTING ON MY HEADPHONES, other suggestions for how to curb unsolicited plane conversations would be appreciated because (unfortunately) I have to fly back eventually. I mean, exactly what part of LEAVE ME ALONE was not clear, I don't know.
Anyway, Eric picked me up and we drove around, but within 5 minutes of sitting down at dinner, we saw Cameron Diaz, Goldie Hawn, Eddie Murphy and a whole slew of other celebrities. This is because their pictures were decoupaged onto the table we were sitting at, but hey - I will take what we can get!
And we drove right by the Ivy last night without even knowing it. Moral of the story: you never know who or what's around you are. Especially when it's dark and the marine layer has set in.
Busy day ahead! Watch Leno and look for me! I'll be the one sitting in Jimmy Fallon's lap!
at 9:57 AM
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
One year ago today, I put on my favorite pants, packed my lunch, and drove to 11th Avenue to begin the rest of my life. Yes, that's right. I started work. I can't wait until I can stop.
Someone asked me today what I've learned in my one-year-old career. Luckily, I have jotted a few notes.
My Top 10 observations/most valuable lessons accrued from being in Corporate America:
1. F11 instantly hides all the windows on your screen (on a Mac).
2. You're only late if someone sees you!
3. Learn to time your trip to the kitchen just right in order to score some delicious leftovers.
4. Insurance and vacation days are nice, but freedom to wear jeans is the most important employee benefit a company can offer.
5. Hide your pens, staplers and tape or else they'll have gone on vacation when you come back from yours.
6. There's always something to be upgraded (a real office, a laptop and better parking).
7. Purchasing your own coffee mug guarantees you'll always have a clean one (lipstick-stain free).
8. You'll get laughed at for keeping a blanket under your desk, but at least you'll be warm!
9. Being sweet gets you more cooperation than anything else (except candy).
10. Have at least one good friend among all your coworkers. It's just better that way.
To celebrate, I think I'll take a vacation... to L.A., maybe?
at 1:32 PM
Monday, May 14, 2007
How come whenever you get the slightest shade of color from sun exposure, people feel compelled to comment about it?
"You sure got some sun this weekend!"
"Been outside much?"
"Whoa - you're pink!"
I mean, it's my SKIN. It's with me 24/7. Do you think I can't feel it? Do you think I was unaware that I was getting sun? Did you think I didn't WANT to get sun? I think I'm going to make a sign that says "Yes, I got some sun" just so I don't have to deal with dumb comments all day.
Furthermore, I don't go around commenting when people DON'T get sun, but I think I might start:
"Whoa, you should get some sun this weekend!"
"Been outside before?"
"Whoa - you're pale!"
Tit for tat!
Friday, May 11, 2007
I really like fortune cookies. Sometimes, I open several until I find a fortune I like ("The project you have in mind will soon gain momentum" - not sure what that 'project' was). Sometimes, I get a fortune that's not really a fortune but just good, sound advice ("The one who would constant in happiness must frequently change"). And of course everyone giggles when you add "...in bed!" at the end.
Yesterday I hit fortune gold.
I went to lunch with some of my co-workers. At the end of our meal, we received our fortune cookies. I was nervous when Chris tossed me my cookie. But once I opened the cookie, I died laughing and couldn't even read it.
It tastes sweet.
That was my it. That's all my fortune said. Everyone at the table lost it, because not only is that the most vague fortune ever, when you add "...in bed!" at the end - well, it's just borderline pornographic.
Where do you sign up to be a fortune cookie writer? I think they need some new help.
at 12:54 PM
Thursday, May 10, 2007
A lot of my friends are graduating today. Welcome to the Real World. And if you're reading this but haven't yet graduated, flunk something so you don't have to. TRUST ME. You spend 4-5 years trying to get out of college, and the rest of your life trying to get back in.
There is a lot that no one tells you about the first year after you graduate... until now.
First of all, if you are able to live at home, do it. Spread your wings, blah blah blah whatever - You cannot afford to live alone. You might think you can, but not if you want to be able to watch TV or have internet (and electricity). Besides, fresh out of school, would you rather spend money on rent, or on wedding presents or cute clothes or a vacation or football tickets (read below)? Bottom line - If you have perfectly comfortable and 100% cost-free shelter, with all the amenities, in the city in which you find a job, you take it. The end. No discussion.
This might make for some uncomfortable nights at home, since for +4 years you did things how and when you wanted to, and now small stuff that your parents do might annoy you. Examples include driving around the Wal-Mmart parking lot for a full 10 minutes to look for a "good" space, or having to share the computer again. These frustrations are a small price to pay for free housing, I say.
Going back to football games will be weird. Unless you have a spouse. I wouldn't know for sure, but I suspect that is easier because then you automatically have someone to ride with, walk around with, tailgate with, sit with and of course to stand in the corner with you and feel old. Also, it is a good idea not to "wear out your welcome." Pick the really big games, maybe 2 or 3 a year, and go back for those. Make your visits rare, and people will be happy when you do. And yes, it is cheaper to sit in the student section, but your pride might be worth a little more. My advice: ask your parents to give you one of their tickets, or marry someone who will.
Speaking of getting married, if you are able to work it out so this takes place soon after graduation, do it. You have two incomes to split the bills, so it's cost-efficient, and best of all: people stand in line to buy you new towels and dishes and sheets, while the rest of us make do with our hot pink and yellow college stuff we've had for coming up on 5 years.
Let's see, what else. Oh yes, you probably will lose touch with some people that you didn't plan on losing touch with so soon after graduation. This is what Facebook is for. But personally, I found that friendships become more about quality and less about quantity or proximity.
Other points of interest: the farther you move from Auburn, the tighter you will hug people in your new city who also are alumni (or is that just me?); it's a good idea to start writing down/documenting some of your favorite college stories because you'll be surprised how quickly you forget them (thank you, blogger.com); and if you're driving along and having a bad day and the Alma Mater comes on your iPod, it's okay to cry. You won't be the first one.
Fellow alumni - feel free to share your advice in the comments section.
at 10:49 AM
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Okay, so I am very glad that Queen Elizabeth took time to come to the U.S. I know I sure would've timed my state visit to coincide with the Derby.
I have enjoyed viewing the pictures of Her Majesty touring Virginia, attending the Derby, etc., looking resplendent in such lovely hats and elegant coats in the richest spring colors.
But I have a question.
WHO IN THE HECK PICKS OUT HER SHOES?
The clodhoppers she has worn nonstop throughout her entire visit conjure up images of Herman Munster meets the Church Lady. Seriously. When my Granny died, we found plenty of cute but sensible shoes in her closet. Had I known the Queen was lacking, I would have shipped them straight to the Palace (and included my phone number for William).
I mean, she's the Queen of England for pete's sake. First of all, if she got a notion to, she could commission an entire army to do nothing but create fashionable shoes for her. And secondly, if she is only wearing those abominations because they are comfortable, that's just ridiculous. She should wear whatever cute shoes she wants and then the nanosecond they become UNcomfortable - tell somebody! YOU'RE THE QUEEN. I guarantee comfort will never be too far away. Some aide will have whipped off her shoes and started rubbing her feet before she even sits down. They spent $11 million on your visit, Liz, I'm sure VA could have sprung an extra $1000 for an on-call masseuse.
Don't you think that at all the etiquette lessons and finishing schools I'm sure she had to go through before being passed that enormous tiara, someone should have told her that wearing shoes darker than the darkest shade of one's outfit is a no-no. Pastel coat... black shoes? HORRIBLE. Beige, meet the Queen. Queen, beige; beige, queen.
Monday, May 07, 2007
I walk in the door and see a packaged addressed to Wes. Wondering what he could still need to have shipped to me (engagement ring, check; lingerie, check), I pick up the phone and call him.
L: What's going on?
L: Hey what's this package you had shipped here from Paris, Texas?
W: Open it.
L: What is it?
W: Just open it!
L: Who's it for?
W: For you!
L: What is this?
W: Just open it!
W: Don't be scared, just open it.
L: Oooh, it's gift wrapped.
W: It IS?
L: Well it's in this pretty box. What is it?
W: Just open it!
L: [opens box and spies a black velvet bag with a suspcious shape]
W: Just because.
L: I can't believe you - I LOVE IT!
W: Well I figured you would, you put it on your blog.
L: It's beautiful! Ohmygosh I'm so happy that I'm jumping up and down. You did not have to do this!
W: I know. But happy early birthday.
L: Hold on, what do you want?
L: But you didn't have to do this, what do you want?
W: NOTHING! I just wanted to say thanks being you and you know, for all you do.
L: Oh my gosh, you're gonna make me cry.
W: If you cry I'm hanging up the phone.
Hope you don't mind if I spill the beans that you're actually a nice guy, Wes! Jennifer picked a good one! I have the nicest friends!
at 6:43 PM
Ten days til I leave for LOS ANGELES!!!!!!!
I am so excited that I've been hopping up and down. And skipping.
I've already bought my FAA-regulation travel sized liquids/gels as well as arranged my rides to and from the airport.
Updates to the agenda include (I kid you not):
-Our own tour of Warner Bros Stuidos lot, where we will rummage through the prop room until I find something of Rachel's and frolick (sans water) in the VERY fountain in which the opening credits to Friends was filmed;
-A private backstage tour of Wicked after the show (!!!!!)
-Tickets to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, where funnyman Jimmy Fallon will be a guest! I LOVE Jimmy Fallon. I've been curious for quite some time as to how we would meet and fall in love... guess this is it!
P.S.: That is, unless I run into Justin Timberlake or Chris Richardson first, because if you think that I would have the good fortune of bumping into either of them and not coming on VERY strong, you are sadly mistaken.
P.P.S: Same goes for Jake Gyllenhaal.
P.P.P.S: And Adam Brody.
P.P.P.P.S: And Clay Aiken. HA!
at 4:33 PM
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Where were you when the world stopped turning?
No, not that September day. Three years ago - May 6, 2004.
The day that FRIENDS went off the air.
I can tell you where I was. I went to class, gave plenty of notice to my roommates that I would need at least 1 of our 2 rooms for total silence, drove to Chick Fil A to get my favorite meal for dinner, locked the door, put my phone on silent, shut the blinds and then curled up on our futon couch and did not move (except to wipe tears).
at 10:13 PM
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Forget July 4. Today was my Independence Day.
I've fought it for a year and a half now. I've been in the working world but have vehemently denied adulthood.
But today, as I was sitting by myself at the auto repair shop, I realized that I left more than my keys with the mechanic.
I left my youth.
Only an adult waits for nearly 4 hours BY HERSELF at the car place for her car to be finished. I didn't want to call a cab, I was too far from any of my friends to interrupt their Saturday and ask for a ride, so I read my book, listened to my iPod (ignored a TV that could only broadcast ABC which was airing Power Rangers) and waited.
I certainly could have taken my car to a place closer to my side of town, enabling me to get a ride, but then I probably wouldn't have gotten the entire service free because that very repair shop had "fixed" the same problem in the fall. Waste time to save money. That is how an adult thinks.
And speaking of save, I am 80% certain that if Jeremy (mechanic's name) had just given me a new spark plug to replace the culprit, I could have fixed it myself and saved us all a lot of time. Okay... 30% certain.
But the point is that instead of doing any of that, I waited. Adults have no one else to get their car repaired for them, like teenagers do.
I had no one to depend on but me.
And THAT, try as I might to deny it, pretty much means I'm an adult.
(Or in need of a husband.)
at 6:46 PM
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
My birthday is just under 2 months away, and you know what that means! Birthday Wish List time!
My trusty Rainbow sandals have flipped and flopped with me for more than 3 years. That's a lot of steps. And about a week after I bought them, I realized that I had bought the wrong kind (I wanted the ones with the double arch because I have shockingly flat feet). Now that they are good and worn (and by "worn" I mean gross), I think a new pair is in order. This way, I can wear my rainbows to work and not feel like a slob. *There is a chance I might not be able to wait until my birthday for these, but only if the weather cracks 60 degrees, like you think it would in April or May.
Okay. I managed to avoid Vera Bradley for 24 years of my life. Recently I purchased my first piece - a hair straightener holder. This was a practical purchase, as I would prefer that my luggage and clothing NOT catch on fire from the heat of my straightening iron. With the scorch-free liner keeping the heat at bay, I can safely pack my bags. While I am determined not to succumb to Vera's obsessive clutches with the enthusiasm of a graduating high school senior, I don't see the harm in a few coordinating pieces that spice up the inside of my luggage. The hot pink in Capri Melon (my pattern [wow, did I really just write that?]) is the exact shade of pink as the rest of my luggage. The Large Cosmetic Case and Small Cosmetic Case are the only other Vera pieces I
think hope I will ever want.
I think it is time that I start collecting nice things, the equivalent of what I would be getting if I were getting married and had gift registries. Just because I am not betrothed does not mean I do not deserve crystal stemware or monogrammed linens or sterling silver. So, I am ready to begin receiving the Mariposa Brilliante String of Pearls Collection. These aluminum serving pieces will be among the first items I register for when/if the time comes. But why wait until then? I think the small oyster dish, to be used for decoration or serving food, would be a good place to start. But if anyone is feeling especially generous, I could also make room in my condo for the 2-tiered server or any of the platters.
I don't know why I want all this monogrammed stuff because ideally, one day my monogram will change. But this monogrammed wine stopper is too cute to pass up. Besides, I don't drink fancy wine, so why not pretend I do with a fancy stopper? It just makes sense!
Speaking of more monogrammed stuff, I think everyone should have a Tervis Tumbler. In fact, if you want to get in on a set of 4, let me know, because that is the only way I can find to order them. If you know where to get just ONE 16 oz. monogrammed tumbler by itself, let me know... or buy it for me for my birthday!
Lastly, a practical gift. I thought I was being so thrifty when I bought plain white sheets for my bed at TJ Maxx. Turns out, I was being stupid, because those sheets are like a 10 thread count and while they are very soft, I prefer my sheets 65% crispy, 35% soft. So I need some new sheets. Queen. White.
And according to yesterday's post, I suppose some movie passes would be a good gift too, even though they aren't monogrammed.
at 10:57 AM