Lately, everything with Britney and Kevin has gone haywire. Less than a year ago, Britney was the clean and classy one. After recent incidents, I no longer can tell who I like least. Everything we wanted to believe is a lie! Therefore, I decided to get to the bottom of this. I made a super scientific table in order to determine who wins between K-Fed and Britney Shears:
| Category | Britney | Kevin |
| Hair | X | |
| Common Sense | X | |
| Upper Hand In a Custody Battle | X | |
| Money | X | |
| Parenting Skills | X | |
| Respect | X | |
| Chance For A Comeback | X | |
| Probably Carries Diseases | X | |
| Highest Alcohol Tolerance | X | |
| Remaining Potential | X | |
| Last Laugh | X |
It looks like K-Fed wins! I suppose he owes it to his new publicist... her name is Britney Spears! Surely he is paying her under the table for this amazing image transformation he's undergone. It's a miracle!
Now that evidence points out Britney is the one we should feel sorry for, I took some time to write some new verses and a chorus for Britney's old song, "Crazy." Britney Shears can record this, admit what we all know to be true (that she's gone nuts), sell another hit record and revive her career!
"Crazy [Remix]" by Lindsay
Baby, I've gone cuckoo.
I'm drunk but I think I want a new hairdo.
The floor is spinning around, oh
If I'm not careful, I'll drop my son on the ground
Everyone will look at me
They will not believe it when they come to see:
I have gone craaaaazy
I never sleep
Always out partying, I look so cheap
I have gone craaaaazy
Lost my mind outright
It's not my two sons that keep me up all night!
Paaaaass me those clippers right there
It's time to get rid of all this hair
Tellllll me that I look fine
Rub my bald head while I do a line
Anyone seen my underwear
or my two sons? Oh wait - I don't care!
I have gone craaaaazy
I never sleep
Always out partying, I look so cheap
I have gone craaaaazy
Lost my mind outright
It's not my two sons that keep me up all night!
I have gone craaaaazy
I never sleep
Always out partying, I look so cheap
I have gone craaaaazy
Lost my mind outright
It's not my two sons that keep me up all night!
It's not my two sons that keep me up all night!"
It's a hit, Britney! Trust me!
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Oh goody!