Thursday, January 04, 2007

NAUSEATED


ALABAMA ALREADY AWARDED 2007-2008 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP FOR HIRING NICK SABAN

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. - After hiring Nick Saban, the NCAA decided that Alabama should go ahead and be awarded next year's national championship.
"After we saw Saban come to Alabama by walking on water from Miami, we knew that the University of Alabama had hired a coach who is beyond an ordinary man. With Saban at the helm we just knew that no one would be able to beat them," said NCAA representatives.
Despite Alabama going 6-7 with their only "quality" win over a good Hawaii team, the NCAA knows a winner when they see one.
"He is like a demi-god of a coach," said Mal Moore.
A local fan was asked about how he felt about the situation, and expressed his excitment:
"[We regret that because the fan had no teeth, his words were inaudible]"
Saban said it was a great moment for the University of Alabama-Tuscaloosa and celebrated the occasion right after he finished paving the streets of Tuscaloosa with gold just by the touch of his hand. At the celebration, Saban turned water into cheap two dollar wine after his supporters ran out of their own supply. Then, when there was only one basket of KFC chicken masterpiece left, he ordered it to be passed around, and a miracle occured and all were fed! There was enough KFC left over to feed 5 more alabama fans (or one large fan!). After the party, Saban ascended into heaven upon the wings of Angel Dale Earnhart and will reside there until the 2008-2009 season.
Alabama will split the National Title with Notre Dame, who by NCAA and BCS rules will always be a national championship, regardless of record or talent.

-thanks to David Freshwater for writing such a great "article."

3 comments:

  1. Admit it. Now you're scared.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fear the Nick!

    Actually, Coach Saban is the illegitimate bastard love spawn of Bear Bryant. The Bear once shook Nick's mom's hand and immediately she was with child.

    Much love.

    Chad

    ReplyDelete

Oh goody!

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