Friday, January 26, 2007


I've said it before and I'll say it again - I hate American Idol Audition episodes. They are awful. I hate watching and listening to whiny wannabes screeching out Stevie Wonder songs and becoming pseudo-famous in the process. These clowns are insulting to anyone who can carry a tune. It's like two different shows - Auditions, and then the real American Idol. I hate auditions. Loathe watching them.

...Enter one Ian Benardo, wearing chinchilla and an attitude.

Fox needs to give him his own talk show. He is HILARIOUS. The best worst contestant. I want to meet him. Let him be the host instead of Seacrest! Heck, let him be a JUDGE!

Listen for:
"I'm like, have some tea, you British piece of crap!"
"I'm totally going to be the next American Idol, and you will be definitely cwalling me on the phone saying, 'Ian, can we hang out?' and I'll be saying 'No!' and I'll be hanging up."
"Anyone who saw me dance comes up to me on the street and says, 'Ian, you are fantastic!" and you know what I say to them? 'Thank you, I know.'"
"Hiiii, howya been?"
"When America sees this, they're going to forget about Taylor who? Carrie Under-where? I mean, Fantasia when? But they will remember Ian... Ben-ardo. And that's gonna happen. That's not my phone - that's yours."
"I am here to be the next American Idol. I thowought that it would be a nice addition to my already lowong and impressive résumé."
"And this is chinchilla, and I'm wearing it specifically to show the world how wealthy I can be."
"Cwalling Glowria, Glowria..."
"Nono, I'm not going to have a BRITISH person tell me what an AMERICAN idol is."
"Rubbish? That's British for garbage? Like, what is that? Like, rubbish. Who says that word, even?"
"Do you even have a working Visa to be here? I wanna ask you that. I wanna see - No, as a tax-paying American, in my country, I wanna see a working Visa because I don't think you're legally allowed to be here."
"Mr. Bworing out? Who are you!? Oh, I've had it with this one. Oh, this is the most ridiculous thing ever."
"Becwause he's a mowron, that's why. And second owff, he asked me what I'm doing when I leave here. You know what I'm going to be doing? I'm cwalling National Geographic to let them know that the dodo bird is not extinct, it's in there. And its name is Simon Cowell, heeey."
"How do I think I went? I'm going to be buying my own ticket to Hollywood, first class, because I have the money to do that. That's first owff. Second owff, Hollywood is New Jersey with celebrities. It's not even that great."
"Pwaula Abdwul didn't even twalk on my behalf. She's sitting there, like she's in the middle of World War 80, what's wrong with her? She could have twalked. She could have opened her --- ----- mouth and said something."

1 comment:

Oh goody!

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