Monday, December 31, 2007


Friday I'm going downtown to try out for Don't Forget The Lyrics. Unlike Idol, this show offers cash money, something I could use a lot of.

The application is so hard! If you have creative suggestions for any of the following questions, especially the ones in bold, please (sweetly) share:

What's your favorite dance move?
What is the most daring or dangerous thing you've ever done?
Have you ever taken a risk that you regretted?
List thee adjectives that best describe you?
What would your friends say is [sic] your best qualities?
What would your friends say is [sic] your worst qualities?
What is the weirdest thing about you?
Are you a lucky person? If so, why do you feel lucky?
What TV character/celebrity do you identify with the most and why?
If someone were going to write a feature on you in your local newspaper, what inside info about you would be next to your picture?
If you had an Aladdin's lamp with 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

And that's just a handful of them. I also have to draw a self-portrait and write a short poem or rap.

Any (kind) suggestions on how to answer those questions or stand out are welcome. And if you're good with lyrics, let me know, because I am still deciding who I would take on the show with me.

Sunday, December 30, 2007


I'm home from the holidays. Time to unpack and get back in the "swing of things." What's weird is as much as I crave routine, sometimes I hate the "swing of things." The end of the year is so busy and fun and exciting, and now what do I have to look forward to?

I hope your Christmas was as good as mine. I think this year's was close to perfect. Lots of laughs, lots of fun, lots of happiness. We watched a ton of home videos, ate almond bark like it was going out of style, talked a lot about running and even played Monopoly until 1 a.m.

The next time we'll all be in the same place again won't be until April. That's sad but it makes those times when we are in the same place that much better.

Back to unpacking and unwinding before I have to get back in the "swing of things." Ugh. I'm going to count how many times I hear that phrase this week.

Friday, December 28, 2007


One of the nice things about having a week off is that I get to visit with all my sweet friends that live here in town. Wes and Jen hosted me for a lovely dinner, delicious dessert and quality time with them, their cat and their new TV.

Add to the list of things I'm not good at, right under Cornhole: Guitar Hero.

Even on the easiest setting, I'm pretty terrible. But luckily for me, they're not friends with me because of my hand-eye coordination (or lack thereof). Besides, I'd much rather be the lead singer of the band than be the guitar player. Just wait until they make a video game for that... my day will come.

Wes and I are total badasses!

Jen, Peepers and I are total angels!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


Since my sister and brother-in-law are with his family, there is no one else sleeping upstairs to justify running the heat. So guess where I slept last night?

And yes, she did start to snore again. I pushed yet she wouldn't roll over. But how funny is this - she woke HERSELF up snoring so loud, and turned on her side. And we both went back to sleep.


We have been telling my mother for 20 years to get a hobby. She is impossible to buy gifts for because she has no hobbies. She'll read a book or cook a meal, but that doesn't mean reading or cooking are her hobbies for which you could go buy a bunch of gifts. She doesn't knit, play tennis, or do anything else remotely considered a hobby. Her hobbies are talking on the phone and reading the newspaper.

So imagine our shock and surprise when she presented my sister and I with a gift that she said was "a fruit of her new hobby":

SHE PAINTED THAT! Can you believe it? She was inspired by a local artist in town that paints faceless angels. So she went to the store and bought cheap acrylic paint and then sat down and painted two little angels, one with red hair (left) and one with brown (right) that are supposed to be my sister and I. She made one for each of us.

I am so impressed. This is my favorite gift that she's ever gotten me. And like it or not, she just became an artist. My sister and I have already decided that next year, she's getting an easel and a smock and a paint palette and brushes and more. But that's not the point.

The point is that my mother gave me this lovely painting, that she did all by herself, and I love it.

Monday, December 24, 2007


The only thing cuter than Anne Heaton...

...Is us in our matching pajamas!

Hope you're all having a good Christmas!


Ho Ho Ho! Fun times with my family:

Another year of this same picture. One day, there'll be six. Although the odds are that it'll be a baby before another man...

Sunday, December 23, 2007


I'm home all week, so expect lots more stories like these:

1. Mom comes out of her bedroom last night wearing a cute new top.

"I like that shirt," I told her.
"Thanks," she replied. "You like this color?"
I laughed. "Do I need to like that color?"
She gave me a silly little smile. "Well, I wasn't going to say anything unless you told me you liked it, but I got it for you for Christmas. I wanted to wear it first to see if you said anything about it."


So that's been the big joke now. "Jennie, this lipstick I'm putting on? It's actually your Christmas present, hope you don't mind I need to use it some of it first." "Lindsay, we brought you some really nice chocolates from D.C. for Christmas, but we got hungry on the drive down and ate them all. Still got the box, though."

2. My mom makes me sleep with her in her big comfy bed when I'm home so that she doesn't have to run air or heat upstairs. I don't mind because I am usually a heavy sleeper so I can sleep anywhere. But, I guess not having been home in a while, I missed the part where she has became the loudest snorer I've ever met. Combine both my late grandfathers' snores and my mom is still louder. I woke up four times last night because of her snoring. I tried kicking. I tried thrashing. I tried shoving. Finally, the fourth time, I screamed.

She woke up. "What?!"
"Shut the hell up! They can hear you snoring across the street!"

Since Jen and Jamie are home and the heat is on upstairs, I think I will sleep in my own bed this week.


The past two weeks have been amazing. It all started with the haircut. Then a concert. Then a party. Then dinners and more parties and meet-n-greets and general merriment all crescendoed to a great day Thursday (one of the best days/nights I've had all year...agreed?). And as if that weren't enough, I've come home to different baked goods everyday.

Hope you are having a great December, too.

Saturday, December 22, 2007


I have mentioned before that for three Christmas breaks, I was a "professional" gift wrapper; if by professional, you mean miserable. There is only one fun thing about wrapping a 5' x 4' x 2' crossbow box in camouflage paper while a gaggle of men stand around and snicker, and that's getting paid handsomely in cash to do it (handsomely to a college girl).

Anyway, it was my luck that the store's bows were stick-on. No ribbon involved. So while I may can wrap a gift with the best of them, bows have never been my strong suit.

Until today:

Check out that bow I MADE ALL BY MYSELF and tied on my sister and brother-in-law's gift!!!!!!!

Do you know what this means? I know how to do everything I need to know to do in life! I know how to whip up at least one incredible dinner and dessert from scratch, I can make adorable cookies, know how to (call someone to) change a flat tire, I tried to file my taxes, I have multiple hobbies and can make beautiful bows. Sewing and ironing and all that is just fluff when you can make bows like that.

Martha Stewart, watch your back...


I just realized I forgot to announce it - Wednesday night, I ran for FOUR miles. And it didn't kill me. I wasn't even sore the next day!

Y'all - this is a big deal for me!

I guess inspiration, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Friday, December 21, 2007


Yesterday was our office Christmas party. My coworkers put down the tequila long enough to play Secret Santa.

Fact: If the Creative Director gets your name for Secret Santa, you won't be disappointed with your gift. Behold:

I am a star! And a size 2! And never going blonde!

Next up, my own perfume and line of clothing...

Thursday, December 20, 2007


Look who I met yesterday:

Is it:
A) Kenny Chesney's camera man
B) Kenny Chesney's bus driver
C) Kenny Chesney's mini-me
D) Kenny Chesney

If you guessed D, then you're probably as surprised as I was. So let me back up.

I was invited to attend another Number One party like the one I went to in January for Carrie Underwood (yes, the same party where Carrie called me a loser). My friend that invited me had already seen Kenny that day at a different party and she told me he was slumming it that day. I didn't fully believe her.

We were standing near the door when a group of people came in. Since the front of the building is all glass, I had been keeping my eye out for Mr. Chesney to walk in so I could try to get a picture before, instead of after, the event. Honest to goodness, I was looking out the glass and saw a little guy in a sweatshirt and glasses with a big sling across his chest, figured it was a camera and thought "Ooh, the news is here."

At the same time, my friend whispered "That's him!"

"Where?" I said, looking for a cowboy hat.

"In the sweatshirt and beanie. Right there."

Turns out my cameraman was actually Mr. Chesney himself. Sidebar: I hate when people pronounce his name Chezzzney. Don't draw out the "ehs." It's Chessney. Chessney. Kenny Chessney. Not Chezzzney.

He stood around, taking pictures and shaking his good hand with important people, and I tried to sneak up next to him. Unfortunately the ceremony started and I missed my first chance. They gave awards, made speeches, took pictures and then whisked Kenny away.

Earlier, my friend had pointed out his manager to me. So when he emerged again to leave the building, she was trying to pull him along and get him out the door. He kept getting stopped, and while he was talking, I asked her if he had time to a picture with me. "Go stand by the door and I'll make sure he stops," she said. We talked for another second, while she bit her nails and kept an eye on Kenny.

Then once again, I repositioned myself by the door. Once Kenny started moving again, he was following his manager while she more or less cleared a path for him. A path straight to me.

"Here - Right here, picture please." She instructed him.

"Hey," he said and put his arm all the way around me. He kind of rubbed his hand on my waist/back.

We took the picture, I turned to him and with as much charm as I could muster, batted my eyes and said "I hope your arm feels better. Merry Christmas."

Rub pat rub. "Thanks, you too." And off he went.

Now I have heard both horrible things and really great things about Kenny, and I still don't know what to think about him. If his manager hadn't have led him to me, I don't know that he would have been as gracious to stop for a picture with me. Of course, he probably was expecting a Make a Wish child or another famous person, since his manager was in on it.

Another interesting tidbit is that I wasn't nearly as star-struck as I thought I'd be. I was much more nervous around Carrie. Maybe it's because he looked so weird. Maybe it's because I'm taller than he is.

But I guess the moral of the story is to get in good with the manager. It's like they say: behind every (little) man is a great woman!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


Write your own caption/fill in the blank:

The problem with this strawberry is that ___________.


I left off one very important tradition on my post about Christmas memories: SANTA.

My parents did the Santa thing to the nines. First of all, they took us to see the same Santa every year. He knew us by name. He would let us sit on his lap for as long as we wanted. We have videos of Santa up off his chair and tap dancing with my sister and I. Now I know that he was a poor man who ran a junkyard in the "off season." He asked my mom for a copy of the video of us dancing and singing with Santa, so that he could show it to his son who had never seen him be Santa before. When we took him that tape, apparently he was so grateful that he started to cry. And when we went back, he gave us each a special doll, specially from Santa! I think he even called us at home a few times to make sure we were behaving.

Of course we'd put our milk and cookies out for Santa and some carrots for the reindeer, and would be so ecstatic the next morning to see that they had eaten what we left. He even wrote back to the notes we left him. Come to think of it, all of our mythological friends left us notes... Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.

Anyway, all of this added up to my sister and I getting into fights at school about whether or not Santa was real. We knew he was. I mean, he called us at home! How much more real does it get?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


I haven't posted about it in a while, but the half-marathon training is going well.

I like running in the cold. I don't notice how sweaty I am until I get inside and start stretching. With the short hair, I've had to start wearing a hat to run to keep my hair off my face. Although the first time I ran post-chop I just left it down. I'm sure people that passed me were thinking "what a diva!"

Additionally, I've upped the milage to 2.5 to 3 miles at least three times a week. Remember that just a two months ago, I wasn't running at all. This what we call progress, progress, progress!

I signed up yesterday for a 5K race (3.1 miles) in January at the Nashville Zoo, in case anyone wants to join 2 of my coworkers and me (and 1,997 other people [including you]). It's called the Zoo Run Run! Doesn't that sound fun? I asked my friend if they were going to release the animals to chase us... that'd sure make me run faster.

The shin splints are not going away, even with the help of my friend the Rolling Pin. I need to become more dedicated to my cross-training (non running) days to alleviate this.

Anyone that wants to run with me around Nashville, let me know. I've got a nice 2.5 mile path carved out by my house but I am flexible!

Lastly and most importantly, any contribution that you'd like to donate to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society via my Team in Training campaign would be a big help!

Monday, December 17, 2007


More Christmas voicemail messages from my mom:

(to the tune of "Walking In a Winter Wonderland")
Cell phone ring, I am listening!
It won't won't ring, but I'm wishing
My daughter would call,
Because after all,
She loves her mommy so much.

(to the tune of "Silent Night")
Silent cell, lonely cell.
Call me back, ring my bell.
Heaven knows it'll make my day,
We can talk the whole night away.
Make this agony cease,
Make this agony cease.

(to the tune of "White Christmas")
I'm dreaming of a cell phone call
From my little girl that I love so.
I'll be glad to listen
to the one I'm missing;
My number still I hope she knows...

I just need to point out that I talked to my mom today, Sunday, Saturday and Friday. She is only leaving these messages to be funny. I doubt she's in real agony. In fact, she's admitted that she'll think of them, write the lyrics down, and then call me and sing them to me. Pathetic... or hilarious?

OMG. What if she's reading this and knows I find it amusing?


My crazy iPod. It has a mind of its own.

First of all, last night, it decided it was either too cold or too tired to continue playing music. Listen, iPod, if I got to take a nap everytime I got too cold or too tired to function, I'd be out of a job and would have had to sell you for grocery money a long time ago.

Second of all, this morning I plug it into my computer, and see that it has decided to spice up my Christmas playlist. Here's what I can remember that it had added all by its merry self: Beyonce, Neil Diamond, Sugarland, Timbaland, Justin Timberlake, Miranda Lambert, the Fray, Howie Day, the Police, Coldplay, Gavin Degraw, Heart, Guns N Roses, Goo Goo Dolls, Dave Mathews Band, Wicked, Fergie, Fleetwood Mac, James Morrison, Katharine McPhee, Little Texas, Mandy Moore, U2, Modest Mouse and more.

Case in point: I thought I had removed the 50+ non-Christmas songs that had mysteriously appeared on my Christmas playlist, and as I'm writing this, "With or Without You" comes on.

Get it together, iPod. Christmas is in a week and those new iPod Touches look pretty cool. Don't you ever get to thinking you're irreplaceable.

Update: It's 11:24. Just found and removed Brandi Carlile and Big and Rich. I think the iPod is still sneaking songs in there while I'm not looking.

Friday, December 14, 2007


Sometimes my mom and I play phone tag. Mostly it's her calling me, wanting to talk at least once a day, but sometimes my schedule and her schedule run so differently that it doesn't work out (and other times, I just hit the ignore button).

Anyway, Wednesday and Thursday she had been trying to get in touch with me and we kept missing each other. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures, because when I went to check her voicemail, here's what I heard:

(to the tune of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas")
"I wish you would call your mama,
I wish you would call your mama,
I wish you would call your mama,
So she would not fear."

I laughed out loud. It was so random and hilarious and exactly what I needed on my way into work. So, since she always gives me crap about never calling her back, I returned her voicemail with this one:

"Please don't forget I called you,
Please don't forget I called you,
Please don't forget I called you,
on my way to work."

Well naturally I was busy when she calls my cell phone back again, but she knew what to do:

"I won't stop until you call me,
I won't stop until you call me,
I won't stop until you call me,
So call me right back."

I didn't call her back until after work, and I'm kind of glad because then later in the day, I got these two messages:

(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")
Call my cell! Call my cell! Call my cell today!
Oh what fun it is to talk to your mother everyday!
Call my cell! Call my cell! Call my cell today!
Oh what fun it is to talk on the phone your life away!


(to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")
God bless you little Lindsay, you leave me in dismay.
Why don't you ever call me back is all I have to say.
You make me have to take Prozac and Lexapro each day.
Oh give me some comfort and joy, comfort and joy,
Oh give me some comfort and jooooooy.

(In my defense, I'm not really the reason for the meds. But that's another whole post, isn't it?)

Anyway, when I finally did call her back after work, we laughed about these messages and I told her from now until Christmas, every voicemail had to be set to a Christmas tune. I'll let you know if she delivers.

Normally her goofy antics make me roll my eyes, but this time I love it. The Jingle Bells one was my favorite. She's so crazy. And I'm probably going to do half of the same things when I'm a mom.

Crazy Mom. Unfortulately, this was not taken at a tacky Christmas sweater party.


A few weeks ago, Oprah unveiled her annual list of favorite things. Some women were discussing it at work which of course led me to start making a mental list of my favorite things. Some are new in my life to 2007, others are classic staples. Here is the list, after about 2 weeks of revisions:

1. A few years ago, my mom pointed out that everytime I ended a relationship, I changed perfume. I haven't been in a relationship since college, but the next time I am, my Chanel Chance perfume isn't going anywhere (even if he does). I've been wearing this for more than two years now and don't plan to stop anytime soon. Easily a favorite thing.

2. This white sweaterdress from Old Navy has been the best purchase of the year. I've worn it to work as well as out with friends, and it lends itself well to either occasion. It's like wearing a big blanket so I'm comfortable, but it's so cute I don't feel sloppy. Last week, I ordered one in another color off of e-Bay, because a good cheap dress is hard to find.

3. Earlier this year I discovered the magic that is a shu uemera eyelash curler. It's amazing how if you hold it on long enough, it really will leave your eyelashes with the perfect curl all day long. And since I am more obsessed with my eyelashes than I am any other body part, that's a good thing!
4. Speaking of eyelashes, I strayed from my 6-year standby mascara this year, but I am proud to report that we are back together. Prescriptives' False Eyelashes mascara. Haven't found anything that works better for me and it's worth the money.

5. I jumped on the Bare Escentuals bandwagon in February and haven't looked back. The End.

6. My blackout curtains are still high on my list of favorite things this year. Everytime I get in bed and it's pitch black in my room, I smile and snuggle deeper into my covers. I don't know how I got through life without these.
7. I started using Rembrandt toothpaste and noticed an immediate difference. I am addicted to their IntenseStain™ toothpaste because I drink coffee daily. I guess it says something about how well it works if of all the products I've bought this year, something like toothpaste makes the favorite things list.

8. A few weeks ago, I rented a movie from one of those red vending machines. You know, the ones that are in grocery stores and outside of McDonalds? I was stunned with how easy, convenient and CHEAP it is ($1.09 with tax) to rent a movie! You swipe your card, and out pops the movie, and you just return to any location the next day. I remember recently when I went to rent a film and it cost so much I asked if I had a late fee. And don't even get me started on seeing them in the theater. Point is: Red Box might not be the classiest way to see a film, but it's the cheapest, and therefore, one of my favorite discoveries of the year.

9. I bought the book Blue Like Jazz this year and read it. Maybe I was a few years behind, but better late than never. It was great, and if you haven't read it, I think you should.

10. My LaCoste shirts are definitely within the favorite discoveries of the year. Never having owned an official, authentic LaCoste, I can tell you that Old Navy/Gap copies are fine, but the quality of the LaCoste is worth it. It's just long enough, just snug enough, and sturdy enough to last for years.

Well that's ten of my favorite discoveries/favorite products of the year. Sorry most of them are girly, but oh well. If I think of any more, I"ll be sure to share.

Thursday, December 13, 2007



For all of us Facebookers out there, a great day has come: no longer are we limited to "is" when creating our status! Down with passive voice! Sieze the day and boldly announce what you are doing in the best active voice you can!

Long live the action verb.


Today I have been thinking about Christmas traditions. We had some really fun ones when I was growing up. I think half of the fun of Christmas is traditions.

First of all, our tree was a tradition in itself. We were a fake tree family. The one year we tried a real one, my mom and I found it toppled over on the floor of our living room one day. Dad had to tie it to the bay windows to keep it upright through Christmas. After the lights were on it, my sister and I would always decorate the tree. We had ornaments from our vacations, ornaments Mom made when we were small, ornaments we made in our classes, but our favorites were the Disney ornaments. Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Pluto, Donald, Flora, Fauna, Meriwether, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Happy, Dopey, Doc and Sleepy all adorned our tree. We usually gave them prime placement.

We always made at least one batch of Christmas cookies. Isn't it funny how Christmas cookies can be the biggest deal? Jen and I would toil over each tree, angel and snowflake and then give great consideration to who got to eat which cookie. For instance, when we'd go to my Mom's parent's house on Christmas Day, we assigned cookies to the family. "Okay, Big Daddy. I guess you can eat this snowman. And this angel. No wait - this angel."

Speaking of Big Daddy, one year my dad emptied out his under-the-sink cabinet and for Chrisstmas gave my granddad a dop kit filled with all kinds of man product: shave gel, toothpaste, deodorant, cologne, etc. I think it was supposed to be a joke, because my grandmom would always fill our stockings with similar toiletries (and money), but Big Daddy got the BIGGEST kick out of it. So my dad continued to do that for like four or five years. Hilarious.

My mom and dad would let my sister and I open only one present before going to my dad's parents' house on Christmas Eve. While the women were washing dishes from dinner, my cousin, sister and I would make numbers for everyone to draw so that we could take turns opening presents. Usually before anyone got to unwrap anything, my grandmother would beg and plead with us to sing something. My sister and I would belt and scream carols, until she turned about 10, and then it was up to me. When I was in second grade, my music teacher taught us "Bring a Torch, Jeannette, Isabella", and when it came on my grandmother's Mannheim Steamroller CD and I announced that I knew this song and started singing along, my family was stunned. So for years I had to sing "Bring a Torch, Jeannette, Isabella" for the rest of my family. And to this day, that's the one Christmas song I can't hear without tearing up.

Lastly, my favorite tradition of them all was our Nativity tradition. My mom's grandmother was a very skilled ceramic maker. She made beautiful pieces. She even made my sister and I each the most beautiful porcelain baby dolls. True heirlooms... I really wish I hadn't have drawn on mine. But I digress. Nanny helped my grandmother make a ceramic Nativity set for my family, complete with cattle. I don't know when it started, but for years my sister and I would go collect four pieces of the Nativity set and put one at each place on our dinner table. After the blessing, my dad, mom, sister and I would take turns sharing our Nativity piece's role in birth of Christ. From Mary and Joseph to the Angel to the baby lambs, every character had a special role. One time I had the donkey, and when asked, I proudly shared with my family that the donkey was the one who carried Mary to the "Galleria" (aka Galilee) to have the baby.

As fun as those traditions were, I am okay with leaving them behind and forging new ones. As our family has shrunk and expanded, we've carved new traditions. Who'd have thought Home Alone would become such a big deal? I can't wait to have my own family one day and come up with fun, special ways to make the holidays personal.

However you celebrate it, I hope it's merry merry!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Look at how cute my roommate's cookies are. And that cake stand she put them on is the one I just gave her for Christmas. How adorable are we?


Know why they call Christmas the most wonderful time of the year?

Because the media department in my office gets treats out the wazoo. And not just cheap stuff. Box after box of Godiva. Russell Stover. Some European stuff. It's like Halloween, but classier.

There is a whole shelf with every kind of treat you can think of, and the media reps are gracious to share it all. Milk chocolate. Dark chocolate. White chocolate. Gingerbread cookies. Truffles. Toffee. Chocolate covered pretzels. Chocolate covered cherries. Nuts. Cheeses. Crackers. Cookies. Coffees. Turtles. Chocolate covered peanuts.

To my credit, I am trying to be conservative and am only consuming the candy that looks mind-blowingly yummy (aka the dark chocolate goodies).

It's ridiculous. But amazing. Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


When I woke up this morning, I was freaking out. I was certain my hair was even shorter than it was last night when I went to bed!

Turns out, I was just overreacting and still getting used to my new do. After washing it, drying it to get some volume in it and straightening it smooth, it's official. I like my haircut.

And so does everyone else. But I'm tired of being asked if I did Locks for Love. Unfortunately, I'm not that philanthropic. One project at a time.

You know what's funny is that people have asked me if I was going for the Katie Holmes/Victoria Beckham style, and while their bobs are very popular right now, if I'm being honest, I really was going for this. Surprised?

I promise I'll find something new to talk about tomorrow.

Monday, December 10, 2007


Remember when I said I was getting my hair chopped? Behold:



Since you guys like it so much when I e-mail people....

SUBJECT: Congratulations!
Hi Tim,

Just wanted to say congrats on winning the Heisman. What an accomplishment!

I enjoyed your speech. However, might I suggest taking advantage of a communication or speech class during one of your remaining semesters at the University of Florida. No doubt this is the first of many award acceptance speeches you'll be giving during your hopefully lengthy and prosperous football career. With proper training and practice, your oratorical prowess could be as great as your athletic capability. After all, the ability to deliver flawless speeches AND passes is a dual-threat that only a select few NFL quarterbacks possess. It's never too early to start readying oneself to join those select few: Manning, Brady, Montana, even Frank Tarkenton - all of whom were invited to host Saturday Night Live, and not solely because of their stats. Think about it.

As a graduate in public relations from the prestigious Auburn University, my services as a publicist are at your disposal.

Congratulations again!

Sunday, December 09, 2007


I attended my third Tennessee Titans game today. It was overcast and muggy, but you don't turn down 50-yard-line seats on the third row.

The two highlights of the game were noticing that from behind, Vince Young's cap looked like it had a panty liner on it (baby blue with a random white stripe in the center that didn't fully extend from front to back - like this but it was a cap) and the French Fry Saga.

After the first quarter, MB and I decided to pay a visit to the concession stand. After considering a hotdog, hamburger or chicken finger/fry combo, I went with the latter. After we got back our seats, I happily chowed down on the chicken fingers but was vastly disappointed in the quality of the fries. I mean, I know stadium food isn't supposed to be amazing, but these were the worst (and most expensive) fries I'd ever had. I'm a crunchy, crispy fry fan. These were soggy, greasy, and limp. Nasty.

I had picked my way through them, and had almost finished my chicken fingers, when one of the beer vendors crouched down beside me.

"Chicken fingers good?"
"Yes sir, but the fries - not so much."
"Really? Take em back."
"I can do that?"
"Yeah, they'll give you more. Maybe your money back."

I hadn't even eaten half of them, so I talked MB into going with me to do the dirty work.

At halftime, we got up and headed back to the concession stand. We decided to try our luck at a different one than before. MB explained to the vendor that the fries were not good (she considered saying they tasted like they were left from last Sunday's game - ha). Without batting an eye, he offered to give us new fries. He handed them to MB, who handed them to me, and we walked away. Once we were away from the concession stand, and waiting for MB's boyfriend, we examined the new french fries.

They were worse than the ones before. I looked at them, and saw my reflection looking back in the grease.

Once again, we headed back to the concession stand. When we got to the front of the line, MB explained that this was the third trip here, today must be an off day for the cook, and we just wanted our money back. Without arguing, the cashier opened the drawer and handed MB a five, which she passed to me. I guess we weren't the first ones to compain about the fries if they were refunding and swapping them that easily.

Morals of the story: 1. Stadium food isn't supposed to be amazing, but it's not supposed to be inedible either. 2. MB is an amazing negotiator.

Saturday, December 08, 2007


One of the most interesting things that I've been told as I've begun training for the half- marathon is that the more out of my element running is, the prouder I will be of myself and the more supportive and happier others will be for me.

This is definitely holding up to be true. My family, who knows what a couch potato I can be, have been so supportive. I think everyone is going to be at the race to cheer me on, which is very exciting.

I think it is good to do things out of your nature every once in a while. It keeps life interesting and exciting. I did something else really out of my realm of ordinary experiences this week, and while it was definitely exciting, it's also a secret (at least to everyone that wasn't involved).

Finally, I am doing something else out of the norm on Monday afternoon. I'm getting my hair chopped. Yes, I just got a haircut three weeks ago and I love it. I just think I would love it more if it were shorter, and I trust the girl that is going to do it even after only one cut. I haven't had hair as short as I'm going to go since junior high. I figure with all the leaf-turning I'm doing these days, new hair would fit perfectly. Pictures to come!

Friday, December 07, 2007


More things to vote on....

Everyone's favorite coach, Tommy Tuberville, is a finalist for the Liberty Mutual Coach of the Year Award!!!!! Everyone needs to go to and vote for Tommy. You can also vote from your cell phone. Text TUBE (first four letters of his last name) to 80108 and your vote will be counted. You can vote once a day.

Right now, he's in 8th place and this is unacceptable. There are even 3 SEC coaches beating him out, including Richt (#1), Croom (#2) and Brooks (#4). I mean, why are there not e-mails and Facebook groups about this? We already lost to UGA and MSU once this year, let's not do it again.

Know who isn't a finalist? The 32 million dollar man himself.

The winner will be announced on Dec. 29. In other words, a late Christmas present for Tommy. Let's make it happen.


Why do people feel the need to screw with whatever's on your desk?

I am pretty sure I could put a mousetrap on my desk, complete with a dead mouse, and people (read: person) would come by, study it, and suggest at least two better solutions for offing the next mouse. Mind your own business!

Or maybe I'm just having a bad day.

Thursday, December 06, 2007


I went to a holiday luncheon downtown yesterday, hosted by one of our clients.

I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to go, mostly because I typically hate making small talk with strangers while I'm trying to eat, but additionally, if ever given the chance to avoid a particular one of my coworkers that was going, I always try to seize it. But knowing I didn't have anything better to do and that at the very worst, I'd have eaten a free lunch, I added my name to the list of attendees.

We arrived to the luncheon and immediately my heart was warmed when I saw the the beautiful holiday decorations, heard the lovely Christmas music, and noticed wait staff circling with champagne and wine. As gracefully as one can begin imbibing at noon, I chased down a waiter and grabbed a glass of white wine.

We checked our coats, tossed our business cards in the pot for door prizes and made our way into the dining room, which was beautifully decorated. After sitting down, the wait staff came around and offered more beverages. Our waitress, or as I began to call her, my new best friend, insisted I try a glass of Merlot along with my Chardonnay.

So there I am looking at a glass of water, a glass of tea, a glass of Chardonnay and a glass of Merlot. And these glasses were filled to the brim.

There are menus at each seat so I take a moment to read what we will be dining on this glorious afternoon. If you're going to be drinking at noon, you might as well have a filet mignon to go with it. This is logic I readily accepted as my mouth began to water at the thought of a delicious steak for lunch.

The meal was delicious and the dessert was adorable. The Lollipop Trio, as it was called, consisted of three chocolate truffles impaled upon lollipop sticks and placed in a chocolate shell. They were the best lollipops I've ever had.

As we left the lunch, we were handed a gift. I figured it was a paperweight or desk clock emblazened with the client logo. However, it ended up being the cutest little sterling silver wish ornament. You write your wish on the parchment paper that's included and then place it in the little ornament, hoping it comes true. Of course, even in my buzzed merriment, the logistics of the ornament confused me. "Who takes them out eventually?" I asked my coworkers. "What if they don't come true? How long do you leave your wishes in there?"

I am not sure who will take them out or when, but when we got back to the office, I wrote a few wishes and placed them in my wish ornament. And yes, one of them was that we keep this client at least until next Christmas.

What wish would you put in my wish ornament?

Wednesday, December 05, 2007


A recent conversation with my mom:

Mom: "How is your car, Lulu?"
Me: "It's running."
Mom: "Is that check engine light still on?"
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "You should really let your uncle take it to get looked at over Christmas, and then consider selling it."
Me: "I want to."
Mom: "I saw the cutest car the other day. I can't remember what kind it was though."
Me: "Really?"
Mom: "Yes. What was it...?"
Me: [blank stare]
Mom: "Oh, I remember! It was a black one."

Because that really narrows it down.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


Last week I was watching TV and I couldn't find anything worth watching...

...until I got to the Disney channel. Hannah Montana was coming on. I decided to take the opportunity to see what the fuss was about.

And I'm not ashamed to say it — I liked it!

Of course Billy Ray adds nothing of value to the show, but Miley is really cute. She's certainly a good singer, and she's not a bad actress, either! She's got good comedic timing, which is pretty impressive since she's only 15.

Don't worry. I might have downloaded the theme song but I'm not going to buy a Hannah wig or a $1000 ticket to her concert. I like Miley, but refuse to get addicted to anyone whose real name is Destiny Hope Cyrus.

Monday, December 03, 2007


Last Friday, I e-mailed both Auburn Athletic Direcotor Jay Jacobs and Coach Tommy Tuberville over this whole coaching situation. I just wanted to show my support!

My e-mail to Tommy:

Coach Tommy,
Please please please please don't leave us!!! The Auburn family wants you to stay! War Eagle and thanks for making my only AU game this year (Iron Bowl) a GREAT one!!!

My e-mail to Jay:

Subject: KEEP TUBBS!
Dear Mr. Jacobs,
Give TT what he wants! Keep coach Tuberville!
War Eagle,


Subject: RE: KEEP TUBBS!
Dear Lindsay,
Thanks for your e-mail. I appreciate both your input and your support of Coach Tuberville and Auburn Athletics.
War Eagle,

I am holding out to see if Tommy writes back too!

Sunday, December 02, 2007


Auburn's game-winning kick over Florida is a finalist for the Game Changing Performance of the Year!

But does anyone else agree with me that we should all just vote for MSU? I mean, when was the last time they were nominated for anything?

Saturday, December 01, 2007


Big news: today was the first time I ran and ENJOYED it.

Maybe it wasn't the longest run anyone's ever gone on, but it was my personal best so far. I zoomed through my route, surprising even myself at how I wasn't slacking along. I was running! And I liked it!

Meet my friend, Miss Pink Rolling Pin. I still have aches and pains, specifically shin splints, since my body seems to be the last to get on board with this whole training for a half-marathon notion. So whenever I come in from my little run, the first thing I do is go grab Miss Pink Rolling Pin, put a towel over my shin, and roll those shin splints away! Shin splints are an eccentric contraction of the anterior muscles of the shin (tibialis anterior, if we're being technical). So at our group run a few weeks ago, we were told that the best thing to do to get those muscles to release is to roll them with a rolling pin. Over Thanksgiving break, my mom assisted me with this task while my sister and brother-in-law looked on. If none of them thought I was serious about running, I think they did after that!

I know the holidays are coming up so everyone's wallets are thin, but if Santa puts some cash in your stocking, think about donating some of it to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society by way of my donation page. All donations are 100% tax deductible!


Growing up, I was partial to the traditional Christmas songs, since that's all the radio stations would play. But after I bought Mariah Carey's Christmas album, I realized there were many more songs to celebrate the season than what my mom and the radio station played. Over the years, I have found some pretty good Christmas songs that are a little out of the box (read: not by Burl Ives, Mannheim Steamroller or Band Aid).

Maybe you've already heard of them all, but I still want to share:

Alvin and the Chipmunks - 12 Days of Christmas and Christmas Time Is Here (I used to play this tape so much, my mom hid it from me one Christmas)
Britney Spears - My Only Wish This Year
Carrie Underwood - Do You Hear What I Hear (new addition; current favorite)
Chris Rice - Welcome To Our World
Christina Aguilera - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Clay Aiken - What Are You Doing New Year's Eve (what a wonderful Christmas show... wish he'd take it on tour again)
Colbie Caillat - Mistletoe
Dave Mathews Band - Christmas Song
Home Alone 2 - Christmas Tree (the song the children's choir sings while Buzz is mocking Kevin)
Jessica Simpson - What Child Is This and Little Drummer Boy (even Ashlee sings well on this one!)
Leon Redbone and Zooey Deschanel - Baby It's Cold Outside
Mariah Carey - Jesus, Born on This Day (because All I Want for Christmas Is You is overdone)
Martina McBride - What Child Is This, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas and O Holy Night
Matt Wertz - What Child Is This
Matchbox 20 - New York City Christmas
Mindy Smith - What Are You Doing New Year's Eve
N'Sync - O Holy Night and Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays
Ron Sexsmith - Maybe This Christmas
Whitney Houston - Who Would Imagine A King

Of course there are plenty more (almost 90 more, actually) in my Chirstmas playlist, but those are the ones I have been listening to the most. The rest are wonderful songs though, most with specific memories. Mannheim Steamroller is what we would put on while we decorated the tree. My grandmother wouldn't let us open presents until I had sung "Bring a Torch, Jannette Isabella." My sister and I used to make up a dance each year to "Rockin Around the Christmas Tree." "Worship the King" was a staple in the minivan.

What are you listening to this holiday season?

Friday, November 30, 2007


Vera Bradley strikes again.

Even though my "pattern" is just one year old, they're already retiring it!

Not that I want anything else by Vera, but if I did, my window of opportunity is about to close. That makes me mad. What if I decide in one year or five that I want more luggage or pajama pants or hangers or file folders in my Capri Melon pattern? I'd just like to have the option. But Vera is taking that away from me.

And after only a year!

It was fun while it lasted, Vera. But I just can't be with someone who is that commitmentphobic. I gave you a chance, but now it's over.

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Dear Aveda Shampoo and Conditioner,

Let's be honest here. While I appreciate the effect you have on my hair, I really buy you for your smell.


Monday, November 26, 2007


Over Thanksgiving, my family and I were discussing hearing loss. My uncle was showing off his new hearing aids which reminded me of a hilarious story that it turns out no one in my family knew about.

My grandad always had hearing problems. He wore the large, beige hearing aids that wrapped around each ear.

One time when I was staying at my grandparents' house, I accidentally knocked them into the toilet.

He had left them on the sink counter, which was right beside the toilet, which I was using. When I stood, turned and reached to flush, I accidentally knocked them in. I pulled the handle before I realized what I did and so as the water started swirling, I knew I had to get them out or face some serious wrath.

So I quickly fished them out (almost missed one of them) and washed them off. I thought I told my grandmother, but surely she'd have told the rest of the family, so maybe I was smart and just kept the whole thing to myself.

But apparently, if those get wet they are ruined. So maybe that's why Pawpaw never could hear well. Oops. Sorry Pawpaw.


Leaf Three:

For the past two years since I left Auburn, I've felt slightly unproductive. Even with a job, I have struggled with finding a purpose because I don't have a goal. You work toward high school graduation, then toward college graduation, and then the funnel flips upside down. Everything is yours for the taking. And while I've taken some fun activities in the past two years, I still feel like I am just spinning my wheels with not much to show for it.

So I've selected a goal. A goal bigger than myself, doing good for someone other than myself. A goal that will take a lot of work and a very long, painful process to achieve it. Something to keep me focused, something to work toward, something that will feel like a true accomplishment. And the icing on the cake - I am helping others in the process.

I'm running a half-marathon.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I'm running the Music City Half Marathon in April, and I've joined Team in Training and we're rasing money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I've known a few people with these blood cancer diseases as well as plenty of people that have battled other forms of cancer and lost. My grandfather, for starters. Actually, I checked to see if the American Cancer Society had a team traning program but they don't in this state. So my next choice was LLS. So that's why this is bigger than just me. With each step and each dollar raised, I'm helping someone who has faced the horrible reality of a life-threatening disease.

I'm a few weeks into our training process and it's hard. I am a sleeper, not a runner. Getting up at 6 a.m. on Saturdays is not my style. But it's a good change.

Like I said, I am raising money with my team. My goal is nearly $2000. I would love it if my blog readers can help me meet this goal. I wouldn't even beg you guys to comment anymore. Click here to make your contribution online. And remember that none of this money is going in my pocket, it's going to the LLS. But each little dollar will feel like a vote of confidence that I can do this. Or, you can also just leave a comment to cast your vote of confidence and that will mean a lot, too. Oops, I said I wasn't going to ask for comments anymore. Starting NOW.

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." I think that will be the case as training intensifies over the next few months (although I really look forward to crossing that finish line). There's a lot of potential lessons for a non-runner like me to learn along the way. Starting with why I'm really doing this. Obviously, raising money is a good incentive. But that's not what got me to the meeting in the first place. For me to say, "I think I'll train for then run 13.1 miles" is equally crazy as me saying "I think I'll sprout wings and fly." It's very out of my comfort zone. If I'm being honest, I'm very unconfident in myself and whether or not I can do this. I know what I'm good at, and running isn't on the short list. But I'm hopeful. Maybe I'll fall in love with running and this will change my life. Maybe not. We'll just take it (literally) one step at the time. And I'll share the lessons/insights with you as they come.

I'll also try not to whine about running in every post from now until April, but we'll see how that goes.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


I'm turning over some leaves. In life more than on the blog.

The first leaf will never be finished, but finishing isn't as important as starting.
The second leaf has already been turned for me and will take a while to mend.
The third leaf you'll read more about after this weekend.
The fourth leaf's number has been disconnected.
The fifth and sixth leaves will be turned by May. Maybe later. Maybe sooner. I don't know.

One thing I do know? Leaf-turning is never easy. Say a prayer if you have time.


So, my sister has convinced me to enter a contest and I need your help.

In case you didn’t know, The Little Mermaid is now a Broadway play (when Broadway's not on strike, of course). They are having a singing contest online. The person with the most votes (notice I said “person with the most votes” not “person with the best voice”) gets airfare, a hotel room, 2 tickets to the show and 2 passes to the cast recording of the musical’s soundtrack.

That is the link to click if you want to hear me sing the Disney classic “Part Of Your World” and more importantly, if you want to vote for me! You don’t even have to watch the video all the way through... or at all. Which is fine with me. I’m kind of embarrassed I’m even doing this. So at least help make it worth my while and vote for me and then forward/share the link with anyone else whom you think would jump on board. Voting ends December 3. And I think you can only vote once per computer. Maybe once a day per computer.

I apologize in advance for the poor quality of the video... and of my voice.

Monday, November 19, 2007


Remember how I told you Evan met David Schwimmer?

Well guess who he met last night?

Jennifer Aniston, of course.

And yes, he did the right thing and called me shortly afterward.

Sunday, November 18, 2007


I wasn't even planning to go into Target. I was at the store next door and realized I had some free time, so why not waste some time in God's gift to budgeters?

I tried on some clothes. Nothing worked. I found some black flats. Decided to buy them.

I wandered through the DVDs and was just noticing that all the Friends seasons are $14.88 a piece (another blog in itself) when I happened to glance at the woman next to me.

Tiny brunette. Heart shaped face. Sparkling blue eyes. Her CD was on the shelf behind me.


I debated about whether or not to discretely ask her to autograph her new CD since it was an arm's length away but I got shy. Do you think she was there spying to see who was buying it? She had a stack of DVDs in her hand. It must be someone's birthday because she was buying DVDs by the armful.

I am sure it was her because I walked away, sent a few text messages, and then ambled back over. Her eyes cannot hide. It was her.

A year and a half later and I FINALLY got my first Nashville celebrity sighting. And it was a GOOD one. Hooray!


Dear Real Simple Magazine's Tip On Killing A Flying Insect By Shooting It With Hairspray,

Where were you yesterday when I spent nearly an hour chasing and trying to kill the fly that was in our condo?


Saturday, November 17, 2007


I have a New York story I meant to share. I guess in the 12 hours I was home between New York and the work trip, I forgot to post it.

Evan and I were eating dinner and talking about all the neat stuff he's gotten to do as an intern. He's been on TV three times, gone on a remote shoot and met some really cool people. Evan also mentioned that he got to watch 30 Rock shoot a scene in the Today Show studio. They filmed Meredith Viera interviewing someone on the Today Show set for an episode and guess who she was interviewing?


It took me a second to do the math.

"Wait a second," I said, holding up my hand. "You watched 30 Rock film in the Today Show studio, and David Schwimmer was there?"

"Yeah, so was Tina Fey."

"You were in the same room as David Schwimmer?"

"Yeah, just a few feet away."

Once I started speaking to Evan again, I explained that news such as this requires a phone call, or text message at least. You don't just casually mention you met David Schwimmer with the same tone of voice you use to discuss laundry detergent, sandwiches or weather. Let me put it this way: Eric saw the Friends fountain last week and sent me a picture of it that night. Of the fountain, for crying out loud! Evan claims he didn't know how obsessed I am with the show, but he sure does know now.

The point of this story is two-fold.

First, if you are in the same room as one of the six Friends stars, I should know about it within the hour.

Secondly, Evan is living a good life: Jerry Seinfeld, Mariah Carey, Dustin Hoffman, Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon, Steve Martin, Amy Poehler, David Schwimmer and more.

Friday, November 16, 2007


It's no secret that I am pretty obsessed with three things: FRIENDS, friends and Auburn. Anytime I can spend time in the presence of any of those, I am a happy camper.

So knowing how obsessed I am with my school, I can sympathize with others who are equally obsessed with their school EVEN if it is the totally wrong school to be obsessed with. Passion attracts passion, I guess you could say. These healthy little rivalries are what makes being from Alabama fun. Because the people from UAT think that their school is the best, while the people from Auburn KNOW that our is school far superior.

But luckily for me, it looks like the UAT people are starting to see the light:

And no, that was not altered, doctored, photoshopped or best of all - prompted!

We'll see if he still agrees with me in a week...

Monday, November 12, 2007


I am heading back out the door for another work trip so there's not much time to write a funny recap of New York. But it was great, strike and all.

The best part was getting to revel in the magic that is in Studio 8H. The place is just sacred. I didn't want to leave - just ask Evan! But it was surreal to spend that much time in there and get to take pictures on the stages was incredible. Do you know who has stood on those stages and been in that room? I mean, it's like I told the boys - half of my fictional dinner party guests have performed in that room, along with the most talented actors and funniest entertainers and most gifted musicians. Awesome. Just awesome. Sorry if I sound geeky, but that room is the White House of the entertainment industry, in my opinion.

Anyway, the trip was too short and I am already ready to go back. But now I know that rather than check the weather channel before leaving on a trip, you should check CNN to see if everything you planned to do has been cancelled!

Saturday, November 10, 2007


Is this a joke?

So I'm in New York City right now and I want to go see a Broadway play. You don't who doesn't want to go see a Broadway play? The Broadway play stagehands, who have ALSO decided to go on strike. 


For real? WTF?

Couldn't these strikes have waited until after my vacation? What's next? Food service employees strike and there's no where to eat? I am just in shock. Shock, I tell you!

Friday, November 09, 2007


The latest example of irony in my life (try to keep up):

Saturday Night Live films 20 episodes a year.
I am going to New York one time this year.
I actually know someone who works at NBC.
He actually knows someone who actually works for Saturday Night Live.
Turns out, of all the SNL staff, that person is the person to know to get into a filming.
Which again, only happens 20 times a year.
Saturday Night Live was scheduled to film this Saturday.
I am scheduled to be in New York this Saturday.
The stars were aligning. We might have gotten to go.

But the writers had other plans.

Thanks, writers. I'm happy you're getting more money and all, but the next live episode better make me laugh so hard I wet my damn pants.

Back to packing!

Monday, November 05, 2007


It's finally November! Here's how I know: the weather is finally appropriate, my calendar is filling up, and the football games are getting really good. What a great month!

Speaking of the weather, we have a fireplace in our apartment. I am a sucker for a good fire. In fact one of the things my mom and I fought about the most when I lived at home was how frequent and for how long I was allowed to have the gas logs on. My fireplace here isn't gas though, but I think I'm going to find some firewood and kindling to try to light it soon. That ought to be REALLY interesting. Or dangerous. Good thing I have renter's insurance. And my Guide To Building A Fire Worth Cuddling By. Now all I need is a Guide To Finding Someone Worth Cuddling By A Fire Worth Cuddling By.

As for my calendar filling up, I realized this weekend that I'm gone for at least three nights every week this month and 12 of the next 14 days. Two work trips, a quick but exciting trip to New York City and then Thanksgiving! All my instincts are telling me I shouldn't bother sleeping when I'm New York since I only have 48 hours there, but the trip is sandwiched between the two work trips so I will probably need to rest a little so I don't maim someone (or throw a flag) on the work trips.

And as for the last part, the football games getting good, Saturday was a wonderful prelude to the Amen Corner. Think LSU had something to prove, Bama? Just you wait.

Sunday, November 04, 2007


Today I was invited to the Titans game. It was lovely football weather and possibly the only football game, college or NFL, that I'll attend this year. But that's another blog post, now isn't it?

Anyway, I've never understood penalties and rules in football. Whereas my friends and sister can spot fouls like Illegal Blocking, Holding or Pass Interference (are those the same things?), the only ones I can recognize are False Start, Offsides, and sometimes, if I'm paying attention, I spot a Facemask.

So today at the Titans game, the ref threw his flag and trotted to center field to report that the foul was for Taunting. WTF? Is this a real foul? I've heard it called Unsportsmanlike Conduct before, but he called it Taunting.

Well naturally this sent me into a fit of giggles and I got the best idea I have gotten all year. I decided I want a flag for life, so I came home and made my own "flag" similar to a referee's except mine is a bottle of Advil wrapped in a bandanna with a rubber band around it.

I am going to carry this flag around and start calling people out when they commit fouls. Most of the ones in football apply to life, including:

Illegal Procedure
or Personal fouls- Someone does something that I don't like (such as Taunting apparently)
Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Taking the last of the coffee and not making more
Equipment Violation - Stealing a pen or other office supply
False Start or Delay of Game - When someone makes me late; my boss tells me the meeting is at 2 and then is late; taking too long to do something in general
Illegal Motion
or Illegal Shift - People moving in a way I do not like, such as towards me in a crowded bar
Illegal Touching - When someone touches me when I don't want him to, including inadvertently in a bar (read: the wings got a bit annoying on Halloween)
Blocking Below the Waist - Ha. Coming between me and a cute guy?
Neutral Zone Infraction, Offsides or Encroachment - Sitting on my desk, asking too personal of information or asking me why I haven't been my usual "table dancing" self
Illegal use of Hands - Waving a cigarette in my face
Illegal Participation - Reading the blog and not commenting

And those are just off the top of my head! I haven't thought of any for Illegal Contact , Sideline Infraction or Substitution Infraction yet, but there are plenty of possibilities.

Submit your own or get called for Illegal Participation!

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