BROKE

Dear Car,

You're raping my budget! Become edible or stop breaking. Your choice.

Love,
L


Dear 6" cricket-horse mutant bug that I killed in my condo last night,

If I had thrown a saddle on you and given you a carrot, would you have taken me to Birmingham?

Love,
L


Dear All the Students Who Tried To Sell Their Ticket for the Auburn-Florida Game For Upwards of $150 but Have Realized That It's Friday and No One Has Bought It From You So You Are Getting Desperate And Being Forced To Sell It For A Reasonable Price,

Hahahahahahahahahaha. That's what you get for being greedy. I hope the poor fool that buys the ticket from you doesn't return your ID.

Love,
L