Saturday, October 28, 2006


As I sit here sipping my Marble Mocha Machiatto, courtesy of my local Starbucks, with the heat blowing on my feet, I'm pondering the routines that we create for ourselves.

Sure, there's the inevitable work routine, but I already have several routines set up within that routine that make it comfortable and familiar, such as how many Vanilla creamers I take in my coffee that I drink from my Pier 1 mug everyday, or the order in which I check my e-mail, voicemail and generally get moving in the morning.

My favorite routines are the ones that have come to fruition through my own effort to create them.

This cup of Starbucks in my hand, for example, is my Saturday morning treat. I put on sweats, throw my hair up and drive less than a mile to the same Starbucks, and order the same thing.

Tomorrow will be Sunday. That means I'll call my best friend in Memphis so we can have our weekly chat. We always talk on Sundays. Tomorrow, we'll have lots to catch up on.

My morning routine is pretty established. Shower, makeup, hair, clothes, pack my bag, fix a bagel in the kitchen, grab a Lean Cuisine and some jello and take off. The order I put on my makeup, the way I dry my hair and how I straighten my hair are more sub-routines.

My mom laughed when I told her about my Saturday morning Starbucks tradition I've created for myself. But now that I'm an adult (like it or not), I'm making this world "my own." I'm paving my own way. For me, that road is easier traveled with a Starbucks cup in my hand on Saturday mornings. I say it's a small price to pay for stability in a life where things are changing all the time.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


Stalk away:

READING "Man In Black" since I just finished another Laura Bush biography
DRINKING a $7 magnum of Macaroni Grill Chianti (not now, I'm at work... but lately)
THINKING about how vulnerable I want to be on my blog. I have a beautiful post saved as a draft but I can't decide if I want to post it or not.
CRAVING something chocolate - shocking!
DANCING with my roommate to "What Have You Done For Me Lately" was the best part of my week
LAUGHING at the "Leprechaun in Alabama" video. It's still funny to me!
ANITICIPATING a wonderful night with Grey's Anatomy and that Chianti I told you about
REGRETTING writing an e-mail I shouldn't have written to a co-worker today; it came out way ruder than I meant for it to (sorry again!)
EATING Lean Cuisine like it's going out of style (and quicker to pack for lunch than anything else)
WISHING I had someone to cuddle with this winter
FINDING that I'm beginning to be okay with not being in college anymore
COUNTING the days until I go see "The Lion King"
PLANNING on buying a space heater for my bedroom when I get my next paycheck - hurrah!
MISSING my grandparents a lot lately, and my "gold" ("Gold" = my best friends... "Make new friends and keep the old; one is silver, the other is gold.")
LISTENING to new Amos Lee CD and Good Songs 2, 3 and 4
SINGING Carrie Underwood or Martina McBride songs in my car makes me feel better than anything else I do all day
HOPING that more winter clothes will magically appear in my closet or that Georgia tickets would magically appear in my life
FAKING being okay with being single
WONDERING if I should get a TiVo or not
TRYING to make friends up here is harder than I thought it would be
LOVING the new restaurant I dicovered yesterday in Nashville- Ken's Habachi Express!
DREADING my mom and dad being in the same room this weekend

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Dear Chick Fil A Worker Who Gave Me Fruit When I Asked For Fries,

Point taken.


Dear Brian,

I think you're on to something...


Dear MTV's Fall Television Programming,

First Two-A-Days, now the Duel... I wish I knew how to quit you!


It continues to get colder here in Nashville, I continue to go home every weekend, and that's about as interesting as it gets with me. Sorry. No funny stories of late to tell of late. Time is flying by. Before I know it, it'll be 2007, I'll have a brother, and my mother will be the next to announce her engagement... I'm just guessing.

Speaking of engagements, my cousin is getting married now, too! Not the 6-year-old, Anne Heaton, although she probably will tie the knot before I do. If anyone is still keeping track, that makes everyone in my family that's above the legal marrying age now engaged, wed, or about to be. I don't think its fair that my parents are both on round 2 and I haven't gotten a try yet. They say being a bridesmaid three times means you'll never be a bride. I'm up for double or nothing in 2007. Maybe the second three times will negate the first three?

I went to Auburn for homecoming and was made to feel even older than I am on more than one occasion. I was even trying to blend in by not wearing orange and instead dressing young and hip like every other girl there. It made me sad to realize that unless Georgia game tickets start growing on trees, that will be my last time there until December... or later. I wasn't sure I was even going to be able to go to the Georgia game due to a work conflict, but being the sweet talker I am, I worked it out. Now I at least have the option to go. Too bad options don't get you into Jordan-Hare.

I'm really close to getting a Tivo. Does that count as news? I have been pricing them, weighing my options and talking it over with my roommate. Stevo the Tivo will make a great companion this long, cold winter. Too bad he can't cuddle.

It's come to my attention that my blog needs a new title. Feel free to suggest one. Diary of an eternally sarcastic bridesmaid? Diary of a wine-loving country music star wannabe? Stories from a Sarcastic Single? Dazzle me with your suggestions.

Monday, October 23, 2006


Okay, so my roommate and I were doing some simultaneous Facebooking tonight. One "Oh no she didn't" from the other room later and here I am. You see, now that Facebook has flung its arms wide open to anyone with internet access and spare time, adults are joining left and right. (Note: the day that my mom joins, ya'll can kiss me goodbye. There is only room for one LJ on Facebook.) Anyway, adults have a disadvantage. Since they are just now dipping their toes in the world wide web's waters, they don't know what is Facebook acceptable and what is not (poking your children's friends, for example, is NOT considered acceptable but rather a little pedophilesque).

The conversation that ensued after my roommate and I discovered yet ANOTHER profile picture of a girl in a bikini led me to feel the need to put into writing, once and for all, the Proper Rules/Etiquette of Facebook. Those new to the Facebook need educating, and those that break these cardinal rules day in and day out need reminding. (These may or may not apply to MySpace. I would not know since I am the last person on earth not on MySpace.)

Rule 1: You may get called names if your profile picture is of you in a swimsuit.

This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Would you wear a swimsuit to class? No! You will be seen by just as many people - if not more - on Facebook, so why would you elect to wear a swimsuit now? Because it's a cute picture of you and your friends? Then why did you crop them all out of the photo? Because you have a good body? News flash: we all already know that from the other 249 pictures of yourself, taken when you were at Skybar this summer wearing the proverbial shortshorts and heels, that were Tagged by Others (a.k.a. the exact same shots as in your albums, only taken 6" to the left from your best friend's camera). Oh, is it to attract boys? Lady, would you really date someone who messaged you on Facebook to tell you he likes your Facebook picture? Cause what he really wanted to write was that you have a nice rack. (Extra shame on those who do this, but are still members of the "I Got Asked Out on Facebook! Oh no he didn't!" group.) And boys - would you really want to date a girl who puts herself on display for all of Facebook and all of your friends to see? (If the answer is yes, then what you're looking for is found at a strip club, not Facebook). The bottom line: bikinis, like babies, were not made for Facebook. If you have no choice in the matter and every picture of you is in a bikini because you're a full time bikini model and never take off your bikini ever ever ever (which includes no one that I know), then at least keep it in your album. I reserve my right to have a choice as to whether I want to view what you did on "SpRiNg BrEaK 2k6" or not.

Rule 2: More than two mentions of your new spouse/fiancee is tacky.
Thanks to the new "news feed" feature, we can all see without the slightest effort that you are now betrothed. If that's not enough, Facebook even goes so far as to find a picture of just the two of you, and includes that with your day in the sun on my news feed. Let that be enough! It is not necessary to include your beloved in your profile picture, indicate your intentions under "relationship status," list your page as your website, mention his/her name, 'wedding planning' or 'being married' among your interests, AND make an album called "I'm Engaged!" or "Wedding Photos!" WE KNOW! And anyone that you are close to should have both gotten a phone call announcing your engagement AND been at your wedding. Don't get me wrong: it is fine to feature one or two of these inclusions on your profile. Exciting times are meant to be shared. And I won't even count your Wall. You are not responsible for what your friends write. But you are responsible for what you elect to share, and sharing more than twice is "in your face" overload. Consider your Facebook profile a conversation with an acquaintance. You could not mention your engagement or your new husband/wife more than twice in one single conversation without sounding ridiculous. As a rule of thumb, no one should scan your profile and read or see fiance/spouse's name more than twice.

Rule 3: Do not list your cell phone number on your profile.

Nothing good can ever come of this. Either I will see it, write it down and prank call you for being so haughty as to think someone would see your bikini picture and want your number, or someone will see your bikini picture and want your number. Do you really want to talk to anyone with that much time on his/her hands? No. Take your cell phone number off.

Rule 4: Don't advertise your age.
Originally, Facebook was created so that those of us that shared the same space, whether it was in a class room or chapter room, could stay in touch and network. Why Facebook has slutted itself out to adults and children alike is beyond me, and not going to be discussed in this particular post. However, you can do your best to blend into the crowd by not advertising how old you are on Facebook. I don't mean actual age, as in not listing your birthday. What I mean is that if you missed the Facebook bandwagon while you were in school, just don't put the year you graduated, because if it was before 2004/2005, we all know you are That Guy or That Girl who got a Facebook account post-college. This ESPECIALLY applies to all the adults that I see joining. I can turn the other cheek to the '03 and even '02 graduates, but if you graduated from college before computers were even a household item, as in the 70s or 80s, just don't list it. 'Auburn Alum' will do the trick. There's no need to advertise to all of us that you are a sad but proud member of the Class of '81 that thinks that this is another dating site like e-Harmony, or that you need to keep tabs on your unruly child. I think the general idea is that if you can't find anyone on Facebook that was born before you graduated from college, then you might not want to join.

Rule 5: Not everyone you've ever met in your life needs to be your Facebook friend.
My general rule of thumb is that if I would walk by you in a Wal-Mart and not say hi, or even go up an aisle just to avoid you (not because I don't like you but because I can't think of your name), then we really aren't meant to be Facebook friends. This includes people I haven't seen since kindergarten. It is both frightening and flattering that you want to be my friend just because we took turns on the tire swing, but if we were reunited face-to-face in our local Wal-Mart, would you be so bold then? Probably not. Additionally, people that you meet once at a tailgate, band party, swap, class, etc., don't need to be your friend after the first conversation. Wait and talk to them again so that when you Request to Add Him/Her as a Friend, he/she will know who you are and won't think you raced home from the aforementioned event to seek him out. That just looks sad.

Rule 6: Show me the paychecks you get from modeling if you're going to use your portfolio as your profile.
You are not a model - you are from Decatur. Just because you are tall with long hair does not entitle you to post photo after photo of you with wet hair or scowling or in men's T-shirts or posing with your maltese. This is especially unnacceptable if it's really obvious that you took the picture. If you absolutely have to post the outtakes from your latest magazine shoot, then title it as such: "I Am (trying to become) A Model." No one thinks you're a model or considers you a model. Rather, we all think you are out of control for trying so hard to make us believe otherwise.

Rule 7: You don't need a whole album for one weekend.
If you are able to take 60 pictures in a 48 hour span, not only do you need a life, but I suspect you also need a nap, because that kind of hardcore photography probably prohibits sleep. Congratulations that you went to the football game this weekend. I hope you enjoyed your fall formal. You attended a concert? Neat! But leave some things a mystery and don't post every single picture that you take over a 2 day span, especially the ones that are ridiculously similar. Thanks to JennJoBo for suggesting this rule.

**Just added: Rule 8: Three posts on a wall; why not just call?
Thanks to Eric for suggesting this rule (...which I have broken on multiple occasions, so yes I am preaching to the choir). Facebook is not Instant Messenger. A wall is like the dry-erase boards we used to have outside of our dorm rooms. They are made for saying "You looked great Saturday!" or "I can't wait to see you!" or "Call me after Grey's!" or "Congrats on getting engaged!" Would you run back and forth down the hallway of the dorm to make your plans for the weekend or something by writing it on a dry erase board? No. If you are able to conduct an entire conversation on someone's wall by posting three times or more in one day, then do yourself a favor and pick up the phone, or at the very least, take it to My Messages. Special exceptions to this rule are given during the workday, when some of us with jobs aren't able to call people, therefore walls are all we have; or when you have tried calling and can't get the person to answer and a wall is your last resort. But if they are unbusy enough to respond to your multiple wall postings in a single day, then they should be free enough to pick up the phone, too.

I feel like those are enough rules to start. Expect more rules to follow as I continue my efforts to clean up Facebook, one profile at a time. And feel free to add your own under comments.

Friday, October 20, 2006


Last night my roommate and I were talking and she mentioned that a friend of hers was running a marathon soon. That is 26 miles. People must be crazy. Do you get to stop during it? What if you have to pee? I would be the first marathon runner that would pause for a mid-marathon nap.

Anyway. I got to thinking, and decided there are a lot of things I would do before I'd ever run 26 miles. In no particular order, here they are:

1. Eat my own flesh
2. Eat a spider or a live goldfish
3. Eat sushi (again)
4. Swim a mile
5. Shave my eyebrows
6. Starve for a day
7. Streak down Lower Broadway
8. Read War and Peace and take a test on it
9. Kiss a pig
10. Kiss Lyle Lovett
11. Pick Nick Nolte's nose
12. Say "Roll Tide"
13. Lose e-mail access for a week
14. Watch hockey for 24 straight hours
15. Kiss Flavor Flave
16. Go to the dentist everyday for a year

That's enough things I would really hate to do. Time to focus on the positvie again: I don't have to run any marathons today, yay!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


You'll find no humor in this post. This might be the most somber post I ever write.

America has lost something great, everyone. They ushered it right out the back door without even asking us. Just because the grocery stores are flooded with stupid products that have found their way into the market, like Crustables, and sugar-free, carb-free, taste-free, 2 calorie, 30% cardboard "cookies," truly greats snacks do not deserve to be punished.

Therefore, today I write in memory of Cheez Balls. That's right. That Mr. Peanut over at Planters has literally gone nuts, and Cheez Balls have gone the way of the dinosaur.

Do you remember your first Cheez Ball? I don't, because I grew up eating them. Cheez Balls were a way of life for me. Cheez Balls meant that the world was right. I can't remember my last Cheez Ball, either. I haven't had one in at least two or three years. Naturally, now it is all I want to eat. Cheez Balls definitely exist(ed) as a comfort food for me. I may not buy some every visit to the grocery store, but I'd like to know that I could.

Visit and you'll be asked to vote in a contest on what Mr. Peanut should wear next: cufflinks, a bowtie, or a pocketwatch. I'll tell you what he should wear: a big sign that reads "I AM DUMB FOR DISCONTINUING CHEEZ BALLS!" I cannot believe they are holding a contest about what to dress Mr. Peanut in - and has he not always had a bowtie? - but didn't ask us, this Cheez Ball and freedom-loving nation, about doing away with what was inarguably the best cheese-based product on the shelf.

Allow me to share one of my favorite memories of my time with Cheez Balls. My freshman year at college, my roommate and I had the good fortune of having a dorm room that faced a busy street (which, coincidentally, has also gone the way of the dinosaur and is now a building). Throngs of people would walk past our window around the clock on their way to class. Being the mischevous freshmen we were, we oft dreamt of funny things to do from our second-floor window, the funniest of which usually involved signage. Anyway, one lovely spring afternoon, I was high on life and enjoying a Cheez Ball or two while people watching from our open window, when a passing stranger looked up at me.

"Hey," I said.
"Hey," he replied back.
"HEY!" my roommate chimed in.
"Want a Cheez Ball?" I asked the stranger.
My roommate laughed.
"Sure," he said with a smile, and like a moth to a flame, he walked to our window.

I'll never forget the pride in my heart and surge of hope for all mankind that overwhelmed me when that stranger caught that Cheez Ball in his mouth.

"Thanks," he said, then he crunched his way to class.

It's moments like these that will be lost forever when the last Cheez Ball has been eaten. If you are fortunate enough to have a can of them (another nicety: Cheez Balls, unlike other snacks, came in a can) in your pantry, go get your can, dig a hole in your backyard and bury that can like the time capsule it is. Then come back inside and start praying that Mr. Peanut and Co. would come to their senses and crank back up the Cheez Ball making machines.

Until then, goodbye and god-speed, Cheez Ball. May your legacy carry on longer than your aftertaste.

Monday, October 16, 2006


Dear single, lone vote that Alabama got in the USA Today Coaches' poll,



Dear Sister (and Wendy Kitty),

Thank you for letting me stay with you this weekend. I had a ball. You are the best.


Dear Auburn,

Even though you almost gave me a heart attack both times, I really appreciate you pulling out a win on the two biggest games of the season, both of which I was fortunate enough to attend. You made my trips 100% worthwhile. You feel like making it a three-peat with the Georgia game?


Obviously this weekend was one for the record books. Not many of us can say we were at both the 2001 AND 2006 AU-FL game. If you were at one, you'll kind of know what I mean. If you were at both, then you'll truly understand. Amazing. War Eagle.

Friday, October 13, 2006


Dear Car,

You're raping my budget! Become edible or stop breaking. Your choice.


Dear 6" cricket-horse mutant bug that I killed in my condo last night,

If I had thrown a saddle on you and given you a carrot, would you have taken me to Birmingham?


Dear All the Students Who Tried To Sell Their Ticket for the Auburn-Florida Game For Upwards of $150 but Have Realized That It's Friday and No One Has Bought It From You So You Are Getting Desperate And Being Forced To Sell It For A Reasonable Price,

Hahahahahahahahahaha. That's what you get for being greedy. I hope the poor fool that buys the ticket from you doesn't return your ID.


Thursday, October 12, 2006


What should I be for Halloween?

1. Rush Propst (think: sweatervest, orange and black, whistle, visor, upside down sunglasses, outside voice and a big fat key ring [as in 'You know who holds that key?])

2. Hot Dog

3. White Trash

4. Statue

5. Pigs in a Blanket

Sunday, October 08, 2006


What a great weekend! Yesterday, not one but TWO of my best friends were here! I feel like I won the lottery! One was in town with her husband, who was in town to see some of his friends, so while they watched football, she came over and blessed me with her presence. The other drove over from Memphis and spent last night with me. We had so much fun. Don't get me wrong, I love my new friends, but I have CRAVED community with the people that know me the best. Yesterday, I got a double dose. I am so thankful for my girlfriends. My cup runneth over. As does my fridge, with leftover Maggiano's. YUM!

So that takes care of visitors one, two and three. Who will be number four?

Friday, October 06, 2006


It's Fall in Tennessee!

I swear, there's Prozac dust riding on the wind up here. This weather is magnificent! It makes me want to fly a kite, something I haven't done nor desired to do since I was in about fourth grade.

This is the weather that we have to wait for until at least mid- to late November in Alabama. This is the weather that makes me want to go to a Vanderbilt football "game" just to be outside. This is tailgate weather. This is buy hot chocolate from the concession stand weather. This is soup from a bread bowl weather. This is smore weather, if I had a bonfire and some grahams.

This is the weather that on your way to work in the morning makes you turn the AC only halfway to heat, because the air is crisp enough to bite, but not so chilly that the heat needs blasting. This is open your window weather. This is borrow my dad's dog and take her for a jog in Centennial Park weather. This runny nose from playing outside too long weather.

This is sleeve weather. This is sweater weather. This is scarf but no coat weather. Even better, this is turtleneck weather. This is new puffy vest from J. Crew weather! This is space heater on low weather. This is cuddle weather - any takers? This is robe weather. This is fuzzy slippers on in the house weather.

Fall has fallen on Nashville. Don't you want to come visit?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Dear Anthony Hopkins/Hannibal Lector,

Suddenly I'm not so afraid of you anymore.


Sunday, October 01, 2006


While I have entertained at least one of us (cough ME cough) with the onslaught of witty haikus and letters, there is a lot going on that gets left out when I can only write 17 syllable entries. And by "a lot going on" I mean in my head but not so much around me. Oh well.

I already told you I'm getting a brother in January. The means by which I will obtain said brother has been consuming a lot of my weekends. No one is adopting or having a baby - there's just a heck of a lot of planning that comes with a wedding! So I have been burning up I-65 lately headed to Birmingham to be the best Maid of Honor I can be. Also, enter the "in my head" reference I made earlier: a wedding drudges up every bad thing that has happened in your family. If you have ever planned a wedding, you know what I mean. Dead grandparents call for flowers at the altar and choosing how/if you'll incorporate their memory into the wedding - something my sister is pulling off quite well! Divorced parents call for heavy medication and at least two different rooms at your reception, to start. In a nutshell: planning a wedding is emotionally, financially and physically taxing... and this one isn't even mine! But it's all worth it. Love you, Sister (you too, Brother).

Things are good in the new condo. Organization is so underrated. It brings me such joy and glee to parade/skip to the dumpster with another empty cardboard box! It does not bring me joy or glee when my roommate texts me to say there was a huge cockroach in the pantry.

Work is going well. I have taken two business trips and shockingly, both have been fun! The first one was to become acquainted with the client and product we are promoting, and since that product is a town, there's a lot to learn! Yesterday I got home from trip #2, which was a week-long commercial shoot for Tourist Town's winter and spring television campaigns. It was very cool. Some of the crew members there have worked on music videos, films, award shows, etc., so they all had fun stories. Also, I never realized how much time, effort and MONEY go into producing those things - it took them around two hours to set up to shoot 4 seconds of film. It was neat to walk into one of our locations, then observe for two hours a crew of about 30 people light the set, dress the set, set up the camera, set up the playback, race against the clock to get all the shots we needed before it started raining, etc. I think my favorite part about the trip though was getting to hang out with people from my office in different departments. I definitely enjoyed making new friends with them.

All of that said, the crowning event of this fall has been getting to go to Auburn a few weeks ago for the LSU game! While it was a great time, it was also very eye-opening. Realizing you're an adult can be a tough pill to swallow. Realizing you're not as close to people anymore is an even tougher pill to swallow. But if you can wash down both of those pills with a victory, at home, over LSU, followed by Breezeway, can you really complain?

As crazy as my schedule is right now, there is a lot of fun stuff to look forward to! 1. My second visitor is coming to Nashville this weekend 2. Trying to attend the AU-Florida and AU-Georgia games 3. Having my third visitor in November to 4. Go see the Lion King, and of course, 5. TIME OFF OF WORK in November!

Lastly, the other thought dancing around in my head is something I never thought would be dancing around in my head. Who would have ever guessed that I would be Susie-flips-her-lid when I was supposed to be the one being won over, not the other way around? What an interesting, but yet successful, plan. They say Virginia is the State For Lovers: If I was certain I was still welcome, I think I'd like to find out.

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