Tuesday, September 19, 2006


Since we are now halfway through MTV's "Two A Days," I present to you my favorite quotes, along commentary on why they are funny. I'm sure all parties involved are being misprepresented and situations are exaggerated on the show and everyone's actually nice, but I can't make this stuff up, folks:

"Don't act like you're a damn 12-year-old, damn excited to be staying at a damn hotel. Get your ass in the bed!" - Coach Propst to the team while staying in the hotel before the Nease game. This is funny because he uses the word damn three times in the sentence. Couple that with Propst's accent and it is oddly hysterical.

"...they've come to Alabama, where football is king." - Chaplain Slay to the team before their season opener against Nease. This is funny because the CHAPLAIN of all people is telling the team that FOOTBALL is King. Moments before this, he told them that he hoped they know that God holds the blueprint for their lives. If God = football, then I guess that makes sense!

"Let's go out there and physically beat the piss outtaehm. Let's go." - Coach Propst to the team before the Spain Park game. This is just funny because it left me wondering how hard you would have to beat someone in football for piss physically to come from him/her.

"Ross, who the [censored] did you just throw that ball to?" - Coach Propst to the quarterback. This is funny because of how Propst said it. He enunciates every single syllable and it sounds funny.

- Coach Propst at practice. He needs subtitles like Don Vito! All I could understand was the word 'ass' strategically and emphatically thrown in.

"Some you boys think you scholarship worthy? Guess who holds that key? (dramatic pause) DING." - Coach Propst in the post-game talk. This is funny because even though his face lights up when he says the word "ding," Rush chooses to say, rather than exclaim, this word thus adding to its oratorical effectiveness.

Get yo' ass in here, lazy bitches... That was the worst defensive football I have witnessed at Hoover High School. The WORST! The WORST! The WORST! That's em-damn-barrassing."- Coach Propst in the same post-game talk. He really did say "The WORST!" that many times. And em-damn-barrassing? Someone call Webster's!

"There's a thief coming tonight... at 7 p.m. to Wildcat Field. Get up in their grill! Stick one in their earhole! Knock. Them. Off. Their. Feet. God bless everyone of ya."- Chaplain Slay in one of his speeches. Stick WHAT in their earhole, Chaplain?

"I don't mind losing; it's the way in which we lost." - Coach Propst referring to Tuscaloosa County loss. Oh Coach Propst, are you SURE that you don't mind losing? Are you just sure? Cause you had me fooled.

"Max, its a touchdown for Vestavia 'cause you're a dumbass. Get off the field - you may not be a player but you can look like one!" - Coach Pruitt to Max. So THAT'S how points are distributed. Dumbasses 0, Nondumbasses 7.

"Tonight is the time to be a bold witness.... For the Buccaneers! Stare your destiny in the face... tonight that destiny is wearing red and blue!" - Coach Slay referring to beating Vestavia, at least I think he is. I'm starting not to be able to tell if we're talking about football, a cult or both.


  1. i really need cable. why am i not watching that show.

  2. I just died laughing reading the "stick it in their earhold thing.



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