Haha! Flashback! 10 points if you know who this guy is!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
You might have had a good week if...
...you had your office Christmas party on Tuesday night, where you danced more in one night than you have all year;
...you saw the brilliant new movie Dreamgirls, for FREE, and have already bought and memorized most of the soundtrack;
...your amazing roommate treated you to dinner, where you shared great conversation and a bottle of wine, then went home and had a dance party (or two)... and she even surprised you with your favorite Starbucks drink the next morning;
...you went to lunch with a handful of coworkers and realized that the most important conversations are the ones that aren't billable;
...and in the middle of all these fun activities, something awful happened, but you were so encouraged by the cheerfulness and warmth of those around you, as unintentional as a well-wishing facebook message to the sympathetic listening ear of a best friend, that it made life bearable, at least until the next crisis, and for that you are very grateful;
...and finally, you realized the leopard-print shoes you almost didn't buy were actually the best head-turning purchase of the whole year!
Thanks to anyone that participated in or made possible any of the above. The best gifts this Christmas season are the ones I've already been given: each and every one of my dear friends.
at 9:16 PM
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Update: Rod the iPod spent the better part of last night undergoing massive cranial reconstructive surgery. Rod had to have his entire memory erased - all 2700+ songs, playlists, play counts, etc., but luckily the doctor/surgeon was the best I could find to do the job. I was especially glad that I did not have to airlift him to Apple for further surgeries. Turns out that the premature disconnection he suffered on Tuesday wiped out almost 10 GB of memory. So after what little was left of his memory was erased, all 2700+ songs were restored back into his brain and he exited surgery shortly thereafter. He is recovering marvelously and has even played a few songs today. We're taking it slowly, though, and appreciate your thoughts and concerns.
In other news, I'm very close to selling my possessions and joining the circus... or becoming a Nun. They made it look fun in Sister Act. But you get to play with animals in the circus. Tough choice.
While I decide, watch and enjoy this:
at 9:29 AM
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Friday, December 01, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Last Car Ride: to work from lunch with 4 other coworkers in the car
Last Kiss: in May. That's right: May. Someone needs to take one for the team.
Last Good Cry: Friday on the way home
Last Library Book: that I checked out? The Gift Bag Chronicles by Hilary de Vries. I got shushed at the library. Am I in third grade again?
Last Book Bought: Ettiquette: A Guide to Manners by Peggy Post
Last Book Read: I Was There When It Happened by Marshall Grant (about life with Johnny Cash - great book!)
Last Movie Seen in Theatres: that Robin Williams movie about the guy that runs for President
Last Movie Rented: I don't even know... Date Movie? What a mistake.
Last Beverage Drank: Dr. Pepper at lunch!
Last Food Consumed: a taco at lunch!
Last Phone Call: my sissy
Last TV Show Watched: The Duel... Beth - go home!
Last Time Showered: 7:30 a.m. today
Last Shoes Worn: these worn out and falling apart Yellow Box "elf" shoes
Last CD Played: random songs that I burned to listen to when I was driving a rental car without a tape player (iPodless)
Last Item Bought: a belt from Ann Taylor
Last Download: "Give It Away" by George Strait
Last Annoyance: my co-workers thwarted my plan to swing by my apartment on my way back from lunch so I could get something I left in my apartment... they all rode with me and I TOLD them that I had to run by my house and they said they'd get rides back with other people and guess what - all the other people rode in one car and there was no room and then I didn't want to waste everyone's time by running by my apartment because if someone did that it would annoy me if I were stuck in the car and needing to get back to work so I came straight back here instead and now I will have more traffic to deal with on my way out of town because I have to go home afte work. Grrr.
Last Disappointment: Is it a disappointment when you expected it? The last disappointment that I presently care to share: I couldn't get through to 107.5 when they were giving away Rockettes tickets even though I knew the answer to the trivia question! Some other girl got my Rockette tickets. Boo.
Last Thing Written: 'Approved' on a newsletter that just came back from layout.
Last Key Used: front door
Last Words Spoken: "Me too!" on my way back to my office
Last Ice Cream Eaten: vanilla with chocolate cake at our office Thanksgiving Feast on Monday.
Last Chair Sat In: ... the one I'm presently sitting in?
Last Webpage Visited: www.ariadress.com. A bridesmaid's gotta do her homework!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
After purchasing Evelyn the Evergreen, and listening to Christmas music in our condo, I am really in the holiday spirit. This has led me to do a little bit of thinking as to what I would like for Christmas this year. Since they don't make boxes big enough for husbands or a singing career, I have come up with four simple alternatives. These four items are all that I want. I would be lucky to get just one, as they are all great gifts.
1. Did you know that Talledega Nights comes out on DVD this December 12? Of course the masterminds in Hollywood planned this, knowing that those of us who saw this movie in theaters more than one time (me) would either buy the movie themselves, or getfor it for Christmas. I guarantee you that by Dec. 25, one or the other will have happened. Shake and bake!
2. Hobo's Loretta wallet is the perfect size to either use as a clutch, or just throw in your purse. It will even hold my cell phone. As pretty of a shade this blue is, I prefer classic black.
3. I'm still holding out for a Chi straightener. I love my Target straightener and all, but the Chi heats up and cools off faster, is a lot easier to pack, doesn't damage your hair as much, and most importantly, since the on/off switch is on the inside of the handle, I can store it in the bottom drawer of my wooden desk without worrying that I am accidentally turning it back on when I put it away and it will catch my desk and condo on fire when I am at work. SOLD!
4. The Devil Wears Prada is another great movie that - surprise! - is coming out just in time for Christmas. Loved the book, loved the movie.
at 8:44 PM
Monday, November 13, 2006
Dear 'While It Lasts' 50% Off Grocery Store,
I can understand clothes, toys, or even candy being sold at "discount prices." But if food is marked 50% off, there's a reason for it. How you stay in business I'll never know.
Dear Entire Nation,
Say it with me now: Britney - WE TOLD YOU SO.
Dear Everyone That Is Harassing Me Because Georgia Beat Auburn,
My worst day as a Tiger is still better than your best day as an (insert stupid mascot name here). Besides, other than Arkansas or Florida, do any of us really have room to talk? Bama v. MSU? LSU v. AU? GA v. KY? UT v. FL? Exactly.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
laugh‧ing‧stock /ˈlæfɪŋˌstɒk, ˈlɑfɪŋ-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[laf-ing-stok, lah-fing-] –noun an object of ridicule; the butt of a joke or the like...
Look closely in that middle picture and you'll see Shula congratulating Slyvester Croom. Not just for the win, but because he'll probably get Shula's job in a few weeks. Cheer up Bama, you're still ahead of MSU in the conference standings... by one game!
at 9:05 PM
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
It's a blah day, it's a blah week, it's a blah everything.
Experiencing the true meaning of the trickle down effect with some big changes at work this week. And struggling with trying to be a light in what is starting to appear to be a pretty dark world. 'Dark' may not be the right word, but 'secular' sounds too much like something Coach Richey would say and makes me feel pretty pompous. Maybe the best way to say it is that I am having a hard time shining this little light of mine in a place where I know it needs shining the most. Hide it under a bushel? NO!
Speaking of hiding, it was so foggy on my way to work this morning, I couldn't even see the buildings downtown. Lifeway, Bellsouth, Renaissance, L&C... couldn't see any of them! It was weird. It made the city so look so boring with no skyline. I couldn't see past Union Station, and even that I could only see when I got right up to it. Not sure why there's a giant cloud on Nashville. Maybe God is putting a lid on us, trying to contain all the drama that has been flowing freely from this town (like Corker-Ford stuff). It reminded me of the cotton balls that come stuffed in the top of pill bottles. Maybe there's a giant cotton ball on top of the city to keep us from getting broken from so much ridiculous political shaking. How's that for a metaphor?
Thank you for not being very good this year. Should my plan to watch you "play" Auburn fail, at least I won't feel like I'm missing that much.
Dear Putting On My Shoes and Getting Into My Car,
You do realize that you're the hardest part of going to the gym, right?
Dear Free Weekends,
See you next year!
Dear Thursday Night,
The OC, Grey's Anatomy AND 'Til Death AT THE SAME TIME?!?! What did I ever do to you?!
Dear New Entrance Into My Gym,
I knew it'd been a while since I'd been here, but could you be a little less obvious about it? Thanks.
While I thought 2006 pretty much set a record with 20 different weddings on the calendar, so far, you've got already 6, and it's just November. Impressive!
It's November 1! Applications to be my Date to my sister's wedding are now available! You think I'm kidding? Ask me for one! They're funny!
Saturday, October 28, 2006
As I sit here sipping my Marble Mocha Machiatto, courtesy of my local Starbucks, with the heat blowing on my feet, I'm pondering the routines that we create for ourselves.
Sure, there's the inevitable work routine, but I already have several routines set up within that routine that make it comfortable and familiar, such as how many Vanilla creamers I take in my coffee that I drink from my Pier 1 mug everyday, or the order in which I check my e-mail, voicemail and generally get moving in the morning.
My favorite routines are the ones that have come to fruition through my own effort to create them.
This cup of Starbucks in my hand, for example, is my Saturday morning treat. I put on sweats, throw my hair up and drive less than a mile to the same Starbucks, and order the same thing.
Tomorrow will be Sunday. That means I'll call my best friend in Memphis so we can have our weekly chat. We always talk on Sundays. Tomorrow, we'll have lots to catch up on.
My morning routine is pretty established. Shower, makeup, hair, clothes, pack my bag, fix a bagel in the kitchen, grab a Lean Cuisine and some jello and take off. The order I put on my makeup, the way I dry my hair and how I straighten my hair are more sub-routines.
My mom laughed when I told her about my Saturday morning Starbucks tradition I've created for myself. But now that I'm an adult (like it or not), I'm making this world "my own." I'm paving my own way. For me, that road is easier traveled with a Starbucks cup in my hand on Saturday mornings. I say it's a small price to pay for stability in a life where things are changing all the time.
at 11:08 AM
Thursday, October 26, 2006
READING "Man In Black" since I just finished another Laura Bush biography
DRINKING a $7 magnum of Macaroni Grill Chianti (not now, I'm at work... but lately)
THINKING about how vulnerable I want to be on my blog. I have a beautiful post saved as a draft but I can't decide if I want to post it or not.
CRAVING something chocolate - shocking!
DANCING with my roommate to "What Have You Done For Me Lately" was the best part of my week
LAUGHING at the "Leprechaun in Alabama" video. It's still funny to me!
ANITICIPATING a wonderful night with Grey's Anatomy and that Chianti I told you about
REGRETTING writing an e-mail I shouldn't have written to a co-worker today; it came out way ruder than I meant for it to (sorry again!)
EATING Lean Cuisine like it's going out of style (and quicker to pack for lunch than anything else)
WISHING I had someone to cuddle with this winter
FINDING that I'm beginning to be okay with not being in college anymore
COUNTING the days until I go see "The Lion King"
PLANNING on buying a space heater for my bedroom when I get my next paycheck - hurrah!
MISSING my grandparents a lot lately, and my "gold" ("Gold" = my best friends... "Make new friends and keep the old; one is silver, the other is gold.")
LISTENING to new Amos Lee CD and Good Songs 2, 3 and 4
SINGING Carrie Underwood or Martina McBride songs in my car makes me feel better than anything else I do all day
HOPING that more winter clothes will magically appear in my closet or that Georgia tickets would magically appear in my life
FAKING being okay with being single
WONDERING if I should get a TiVo or not
TRYING to make friends up here is harder than I thought it would be
LOVING the new restaurant I dicovered yesterday in Nashville- Ken's Habachi Express!
DREADING my mom and dad being in the same room this weekend
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Dear Chick Fil A Worker Who Gave Me Fruit When I Asked For Fries,
I think you're on to something...
Dear MTV's Fall Television Programming,
First Two-A-Days, now the Duel... I wish I knew how to quit you!
It continues to get colder here in Nashville, I continue to go home every weekend, and that's about as interesting as it gets with me. Sorry. No funny stories of late to tell of late. Time is flying by. Before I know it, it'll be 2007, I'll have a brother, and my mother will be the next to announce her engagement... I'm just guessing.
Speaking of engagements, my cousin is getting married now, too! Not the 6-year-old, Anne Heaton, although she probably will tie the knot before I do. If anyone is still keeping track, that makes everyone in my family that's above the legal marrying age now engaged, wed, or about to be. I don't think its fair that my parents are both on round 2 and I haven't gotten a try yet. They say being a bridesmaid three times means you'll never be a bride. I'm up for double or nothing in 2007. Maybe the second three times will negate the first three?
I went to Auburn for homecoming and was made to feel even older than I am on more than one occasion. I was even trying to blend in by not wearing orange and instead dressing young and hip like every other girl there. It made me sad to realize that unless Georgia game tickets start growing on trees, that will be my last time there until December... or later. I wasn't sure I was even going to be able to go to the Georgia game due to a work conflict, but being the sweet talker I am, I worked it out. Now I at least have the option to go. Too bad options don't get you into Jordan-Hare.
I'm really close to getting a Tivo. Does that count as news? I have been pricing them, weighing my options and talking it over with my roommate. Stevo the Tivo will make a great companion this long, cold winter. Too bad he can't cuddle.
It's come to my attention that my blog needs a new title. Feel free to suggest one. Diary of an eternally sarcastic bridesmaid? Diary of a wine-loving country music star wannabe? Stories from a Sarcastic Single? Dazzle me with your suggestions.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Okay, so my roommate and I were doing some simultaneous Facebooking tonight. One "Oh no she didn't" from the other room later and here I am. You see, now that Facebook has flung its arms wide open to anyone with internet access and spare time, adults are joining left and right. (Note: the day that my mom joins, ya'll can kiss me goodbye. There is only room for one LJ on Facebook.) Anyway, adults have a disadvantage. Since they are just now dipping their toes in the world wide web's waters, they don't know what is Facebook acceptable and what is not (poking your children's friends, for example, is NOT considered acceptable but rather a little pedophilesque).
The conversation that ensued after my roommate and I discovered yet ANOTHER profile picture of a girl in a bikini led me to feel the need to put into writing, once and for all, the Proper Rules/Etiquette of Facebook. Those new to the Facebook need educating, and those that break these cardinal rules day in and day out need reminding. (These may or may not apply to MySpace. I would not know since I am the last person on earth not on MySpace.)
Rule 1: You may get called names if your profile picture is of you in a swimsuit.
This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Would you wear a swimsuit to class? No! You will be seen by just as many people - if not more - on Facebook, so why would you elect to wear a swimsuit now? Because it's a cute picture of you and your friends? Then why did you crop them all out of the photo? Because you have a good body? News flash: we all already know that from the other 249 pictures of yourself, taken when you were at Skybar this summer wearing the proverbial shortshorts and heels, that were Tagged by Others (a.k.a. the exact same shots as in your albums, only taken 6" to the left from your best friend's camera). Oh, is it to attract boys? Lady, would you really date someone who messaged you on Facebook to tell you he likes your Facebook picture? Cause what he really wanted to write was that you have a nice rack. (Extra shame on those who do this, but are still members of the "I Got Asked Out on Facebook! Oh no he didn't!" group.) And boys - would you really want to date a girl who puts herself on display for all of Facebook and all of your friends to see? (If the answer is yes, then what you're looking for is found at a strip club, not Facebook). The bottom line: bikinis, like babies, were not made for Facebook. If you have no choice in the matter and every picture of you is in a bikini because you're a full time bikini model and never take off your bikini ever ever ever (which includes no one that I know), then at least keep it in your album. I reserve my right to have a choice as to whether I want to view what you did on "SpRiNg BrEaK 2k6" or not.
Rule 2: More than two mentions of your new spouse/fiancee is tacky.
Thanks to the new "news feed" feature, we can all see without the slightest effort that you are now betrothed. If that's not enough, Facebook even goes so far as to find a picture of just the two of you, and includes that with your day in the sun on my news feed. Let that be enough! It is not necessary to include your beloved in your profile picture, indicate your intentions under "relationship status," list your knot.com page as your website, mention his/her name, 'wedding planning' or 'being married' among your interests, AND make an album called "I'm Engaged!" or "Wedding Photos!" WE KNOW! And anyone that you are close to should have both gotten a phone call announcing your engagement AND been at your wedding. Don't get me wrong: it is fine to feature one or two of these inclusions on your profile. Exciting times are meant to be shared. And I won't even count your Wall. You are not responsible for what your friends write. But you are responsible for what you elect to share, and sharing more than twice is "in your face" overload. Consider your Facebook profile a conversation with an acquaintance. You could not mention your engagement or your new husband/wife more than twice in one single conversation without sounding ridiculous. As a rule of thumb, no one should scan your profile and read or see fiance/spouse's name more than twice.
Rule 3: Do not list your cell phone number on your profile.
Nothing good can ever come of this. Either I will see it, write it down and prank call you for being so haughty as to think someone would see your bikini picture and want your number, or someone will see your bikini picture and want your number. Do you really want to talk to anyone with that much time on his/her hands? No. Take your cell phone number off.
Rule 4: Don't advertise your age.
Originally, Facebook was created so that those of us that shared the same space, whether it was in a class room or chapter room, could stay in touch and network. Why Facebook has slutted itself out to adults and children alike is beyond me, and not going to be discussed in this particular post. However, you can do your best to blend into the crowd by not advertising how old you are on Facebook. I don't mean actual age, as in not listing your birthday. What I mean is that if you missed the Facebook bandwagon while you were in school, just don't put the year you graduated, because if it was before 2004/2005, we all know you are That Guy or That Girl who got a Facebook account post-college. This ESPECIALLY applies to all the adults that I see joining. I can turn the other cheek to the '03 and even '02 graduates, but if you graduated from college before computers were even a household item, as in the 70s or 80s, just don't list it. 'Auburn Alum' will do the trick. There's no need to advertise to all of us that you are a sad but proud member of the Class of '81 that thinks that this is another dating site like e-Harmony, or that you need to keep tabs on your unruly child. I think the general idea is that if you can't find anyone on Facebook that was born before you graduated from college, then you might not want to join.
Rule 5: Not everyone you've ever met in your life needs to be your Facebook friend.
My general rule of thumb is that if I would walk by you in a Wal-Mart and not say hi, or even go up an aisle just to avoid you (not because I don't like you but because I can't think of your name), then we really aren't meant to be Facebook friends. This includes people I haven't seen since kindergarten. It is both frightening and flattering that you want to be my friend just because we took turns on the tire swing, but if we were reunited face-to-face in our local Wal-Mart, would you be so bold then? Probably not. Additionally, people that you meet once at a tailgate, band party, swap, class, etc., don't need to be your friend after the first conversation. Wait and talk to them again so that when you Request to Add Him/Her as a Friend, he/she will know who you are and won't think you raced home from the aforementioned event to seek him out. That just looks sad.
Rule 6: Show me the paychecks you get from modeling if you're going to use your portfolio as your profile.
You are not a model - you are from Decatur. Just because you are tall with long hair does not entitle you to post photo after photo of you with wet hair or scowling or in men's T-shirts or posing with your maltese. This is especially unnacceptable if it's really obvious that you took the picture. If you absolutely have to post the outtakes from your latest magazine shoot, then title it as such: "I Am (trying to become) A Model." No one thinks you're a model or considers you a model. Rather, we all think you are out of control for trying so hard to make us believe otherwise.
Rule 7: You don't need a whole album for one weekend.
If you are able to take 60 pictures in a 48 hour span, not only do you need a life, but I suspect you also need a nap, because that kind of hardcore photography probably prohibits sleep. Congratulations that you went to the football game this weekend. I hope you enjoyed your fall formal. You attended a concert? Neat! But leave some things a mystery and don't post every single picture that you take over a 2 day span, especially the ones that are ridiculously similar. Thanks to JennJoBo for suggesting this rule.
**Just added: Rule 8: Three posts on a wall; why not just call?
Thanks to Eric for suggesting this rule (...which I have broken on multiple occasions, so yes I am preaching to the choir). Facebook is not Instant Messenger. A wall is like the dry-erase boards we used to have outside of our dorm rooms. They are made for saying "You looked great Saturday!" or "I can't wait to see you!" or "Call me after Grey's!" or "Congrats on getting engaged!" Would you run back and forth down the hallway of the dorm to make your plans for the weekend or something by writing it on a dry erase board? No. If you are able to conduct an entire conversation on someone's wall by posting three times or more in one day, then do yourself a favor and pick up the phone, or at the very least, take it to My Messages. Special exceptions to this rule are given during the workday, when some of us with jobs aren't able to call people, therefore walls are all we have; or when you have tried calling and can't get the person to answer and a wall is your last resort. But if they are unbusy enough to respond to your multiple wall postings in a single day, then they should be free enough to pick up the phone, too.
I feel like those are enough rules to start. Expect more rules to follow as I continue my efforts to clean up Facebook, one profile at a time. And feel free to add your own under comments.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Last night my roommate and I were talking and she mentioned that a friend of hers was running a marathon soon. That is 26 miles. People must be crazy. Do you get to stop during it? What if you have to pee? I would be the first marathon runner that would pause for a mid-marathon nap.
Anyway. I got to thinking, and decided there are a lot of things I would do before I'd ever run 26 miles. In no particular order, here they are:
1. Eat my own flesh
2. Eat a spider or a live goldfish
3. Eat sushi (again)
4. Swim a mile
5. Shave my eyebrows
6. Starve for a day
7. Streak down Lower Broadway
8. Read War and Peace and take a test on it
9. Kiss a pig
10. Kiss Lyle Lovett
11. Pick Nick Nolte's nose
12. Say "Roll Tide"
13. Lose e-mail access for a week
14. Watch hockey for 24 straight hours
15. Kiss Flavor Flave
16. Go to the dentist everyday for a year
That's enough things I would really hate to do. Time to focus on the positvie again: I don't have to run any marathons today, yay!
at 11:11 AM
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
You'll find no humor in this post. This might be the most somber post I ever write.
America has lost something great, everyone. They ushered it right out the back door without even asking us. Just because the grocery stores are flooded with stupid products that have found their way into the market, like Crustables, and sugar-free, carb-free, taste-free, 2 calorie, 30% cardboard "cookies," truly greats snacks do not deserve to be punished.
Therefore, today I write in memory of Cheez Balls. That's right. That Mr. Peanut over at Planters has literally gone nuts, and Cheez Balls have gone the way of the dinosaur.
Do you remember your first Cheez Ball? I don't, because I grew up eating them. Cheez Balls were a way of life for me. Cheez Balls meant that the world was right. I can't remember my last Cheez Ball, either. I haven't had one in at least two or three years. Naturally, now it is all I want to eat. Cheez Balls definitely exist(ed) as a comfort food for me. I may not buy some every visit to the grocery store, but I'd like to know that I could.
Visit planters.com and you'll be asked to vote in a contest on what Mr. Peanut should wear next: cufflinks, a bowtie, or a pocketwatch. I'll tell you what he should wear: a big sign that reads "I AM DUMB FOR DISCONTINUING CHEEZ BALLS!" I cannot believe they are holding a contest about what to dress Mr. Peanut in - and has he not always had a bowtie? - but didn't ask us, this Cheez Ball and freedom-loving nation, about doing away with what was inarguably the best cheese-based product on the shelf.
Allow me to share one of my favorite memories of my time with Cheez Balls. My freshman year at college, my roommate and I had the good fortune of having a dorm room that faced a busy street (which, coincidentally, has also gone the way of the dinosaur and is now a building). Throngs of people would walk past our window around the clock on their way to class. Being the mischevous freshmen we were, we oft dreamt of funny things to do from our second-floor window, the funniest of which usually involved signage. Anyway, one lovely spring afternoon, I was high on life and enjoying a Cheez Ball or two while people watching from our open window, when a passing stranger looked up at me.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey," he replied back.
"HEY!" my roommate chimed in.
"Want a Cheez Ball?" I asked the stranger.
My roommate laughed.
"Sure," he said with a smile, and like a moth to a flame, he walked to our window.
I'll never forget the pride in my heart and surge of hope for all mankind that overwhelmed me when that stranger caught that Cheez Ball in his mouth.
"Thanks," he said, then he crunched his way to class.
It's moments like these that will be lost forever when the last Cheez Ball has been eaten. If you are fortunate enough to have a can of them (another nicety: Cheez Balls, unlike other snacks, came in a can) in your pantry, go get your can, dig a hole in your backyard and bury that can like the time capsule it is. Then come back inside and start praying that Mr. Peanut and Co. would come to their senses and crank back up the Cheez Ball making machines.
Until then, goodbye and god-speed, Cheez Ball. May your legacy carry on longer than your aftertaste.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Dear single, lone vote that Alabama got in the USA Today Coaches' poll,
Dear Sister (and Wendy Kitty),
Thank you for letting me stay with you this weekend. I had a ball. You are the best.
Even though you almost gave me a heart attack both times, I really appreciate you pulling out a win on the two biggest games of the season, both of which I was fortunate enough to attend. You made my trips 100% worthwhile. You feel like making it a three-peat with the Georgia game?
Obviously this weekend was one for the record books. Not many of us can say we were at both the 2001 AND 2006 AU-FL game. If you were at one, you'll kind of know what I mean. If you were at both, then you'll truly understand. Amazing. War Eagle.
Friday, October 13, 2006
You're raping my budget! Become edible or stop breaking. Your choice.
Dear 6" cricket-horse mutant bug that I killed in my condo last night,
If I had thrown a saddle on you and given you a carrot, would you have taken me to Birmingham?
Dear All the Students Who Tried To Sell Their Ticket for the Auburn-Florida Game For Upwards of $150 but Have Realized That It's Friday and No One Has Bought It From You So You Are Getting Desperate And Being Forced To Sell It For A Reasonable Price,
Hahahahahahahahahaha. That's what you get for being greedy. I hope the poor fool that buys the ticket from you doesn't return your ID.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Sunday, October 08, 2006
What a great weekend! Yesterday, not one but TWO of my best friends were here! I feel like I won the lottery! One was in town with her husband, who was in town to see some of his friends, so while they watched football, she came over and blessed me with her presence. The other drove over from Memphis and spent last night with me. We had so much fun. Don't get me wrong, I love my new friends, but I have CRAVED community with the people that know me the best. Yesterday, I got a double dose. I am so thankful for my girlfriends. My cup runneth over. As does my fridge, with leftover Maggiano's. YUM!
So that takes care of visitors one, two and three. Who will be number four?
at 11:49 AM
Friday, October 06, 2006
It's Fall in Tennessee!
I swear, there's Prozac dust riding on the wind up here. This weather is magnificent! It makes me want to fly a kite, something I haven't done nor desired to do since I was in about fourth grade.
This is the weather that we have to wait for until at least mid- to late November in Alabama. This is the weather that makes me want to go to a Vanderbilt football "game" just to be outside. This is tailgate weather. This is buy hot chocolate from the concession stand weather. This is soup from a bread bowl weather. This is smore weather, if I had a bonfire and some grahams.
This is the weather that on your way to work in the morning makes you turn the AC only halfway to heat, because the air is crisp enough to bite, but not so chilly that the heat needs blasting. This is open your window weather. This is borrow my dad's dog and take her for a jog in Centennial Park weather. This runny nose from playing outside too long weather.
This is sleeve weather. This is sweater weather. This is scarf but no coat weather. Even better, this is turtleneck weather. This is new puffy vest from J. Crew weather! This is space heater on low weather. This is cuddle weather - any takers? This is robe weather. This is fuzzy slippers on in the house weather.
Fall has fallen on Nashville. Don't you want to come visit?
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
While I have entertained at least one of us (cough ME cough) with the onslaught of witty haikus and letters, there is a lot going on that gets left out when I can only write 17 syllable entries. And by "a lot going on" I mean in my head but not so much around me. Oh well.
I already told you I'm getting a brother in January. The means by which I will obtain said brother has been consuming a lot of my weekends. No one is adopting or having a baby - there's just a heck of a lot of planning that comes with a wedding! So I have been burning up I-65 lately headed to Birmingham to be the best Maid of Honor I can be. Also, enter the "in my head" reference I made earlier: a wedding drudges up every bad thing that has happened in your family. If you have ever planned a wedding, you know what I mean. Dead grandparents call for flowers at the altar and choosing how/if you'll incorporate their memory into the wedding - something my sister is pulling off quite well! Divorced parents call for heavy medication and at least two different rooms at your reception, to start. In a nutshell: planning a wedding is emotionally, financially and physically taxing... and this one isn't even mine! But it's all worth it. Love you, Sister (you too, Brother).
Things are good in the new condo. Organization is so underrated. It brings me such joy and glee to parade/skip to the dumpster with another empty cardboard box! It does not bring me joy or glee when my roommate texts me to say there was a huge cockroach in the pantry.
Work is going well. I have taken two business trips and shockingly, both have been fun! The first one was to become acquainted with the client and product we are promoting, and since that product is a town, there's a lot to learn! Yesterday I got home from trip #2, which was a week-long commercial shoot for Tourist Town's winter and spring television campaigns. It was very cool. Some of the crew members there have worked on music videos, films, award shows, etc., so they all had fun stories. Also, I never realized how much time, effort and MONEY go into producing those things - it took them around two hours to set up to shoot 4 seconds of film. It was neat to walk into one of our locations, then observe for two hours a crew of about 30 people light the set, dress the set, set up the camera, set up the playback, race against the clock to get all the shots we needed before it started raining, etc. I think my favorite part about the trip though was getting to hang out with people from my office in different departments. I definitely enjoyed making new friends with them.
All of that said, the crowning event of this fall has been getting to go to Auburn a few weeks ago for the LSU game! While it was a great time, it was also very eye-opening. Realizing you're an adult can be a tough pill to swallow. Realizing you're not as close to people anymore is an even tougher pill to swallow. But if you can wash down both of those pills with a victory, at home, over LSU, followed by Breezeway, can you really complain?
As crazy as my schedule is right now, there is a lot of fun stuff to look forward to! 1. My second visitor is coming to Nashville this weekend 2. Trying to attend the AU-Florida and AU-Georgia games 3. Having my third visitor in November to 4. Go see the Lion King, and of course, 5. TIME OFF OF WORK in November!
Lastly, the other thought dancing around in my head is something I never thought would be dancing around in my head. Who would have ever guessed that I would be Susie-flips-her-lid when I was supposed to be the one being won over, not the other way around? What an interesting, but yet successful, plan. They say Virginia is the State For Lovers: If I was certain I was still welcome, I think I'd like to find out.
at 12:39 AM
Monday, September 25, 2006
Mom and I cut up together from day one.
Happy about something!
Probably thrilled anticipating our next ride at Disney World, while Jennifer is unhappy about something... how uncharacteristic of her at that age!
I miss Granny and Pawpaw.
"Fur Fur" and I, after she got over thinking it was cute to threaten to pour hot coffee on me.
Oh how I love bathtubs... and Auburn visors!
at 10:18 PM
Dear $5,149 Georgio Armani dress that I saw on sale at T.J. Maxx for $799.99 in their new Runway section,
I hate to break it it you, but I think you would've sold faster in a Saks for the full price of $5,149 than you will in T.J. Maxx for a "low" $799.99.
Dear Lady who shouted "There's an Entrance and there's an Exit!" to me and the old man Exiting through the Entrance at Walmart yesterday,
First of all, let she without sin be the first to condemn. Secondly, to be THAT observant, I would have thought you'd have noticed by now that the mullet is no longer in style?
Dear Friend of mine who, according to his facebook profile, thinks that "you couldn't throw a rock and hit a decent girl in 'Trashville',"
Maybe all the "decent girls" are hiding out with the decent boys. If you find them, you let me know. Hey! I know where to start looking: NOT at your computer updating your facebook profile at 1:45 a.m on Saturday night!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Disclaimer: I don't currently watch this show, have never watched this show, and have no intentions of beginning to consider making time to be available to watch this show. But this is one of the funniest 4 minutes of television I have seen all year. WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?!?!? WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE?!?!
Pay special attention to the girls' names (e.g.: Nibblz, Spunkeey), in case the main plot isn't enough to entertain you.
make sure to listen for:
"Sumthin' pooping on the floor!"
"How I 'spose to get upstairs?"
"I'm sorry, this !@#% don't fly where I from!"
"I was just holding it, and then all a sudden my stomach was just like B***, you got me ****ed up! So like, it just like, pushed itself out." - Sumthin'
"I like Sumthin', cause she's real with it. She's like 'Yo, check this out, baby this is who I am!' " - Flava Flaaayve
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Since we are now halfway through MTV's "Two A Days," I present to you my favorite quotes, along commentary on why they are funny. I'm sure all parties involved are being misprepresented and situations are exaggerated on the show and everyone's actually nice, but I can't make this stuff up, folks:
"Don't act like you're a damn 12-year-old, damn excited to be staying at a damn hotel. Get your ass in the bed!" - Coach Propst to the team while staying in the hotel before the Nease game. This is funny because he uses the word damn three times in the sentence. Couple that with Propst's accent and it is oddly hysterical.
"...they've come to Alabama, where football is king." - Chaplain Slay to the team before their season opener against Nease. This is funny because the CHAPLAIN of all people is telling the team that FOOTBALL is King. Moments before this, he told them that he hoped they know that God holds the blueprint for their lives. If God = football, then I guess that makes sense!
"Let's go out there and physically beat the piss outtaehm. Let's go." - Coach Propst to the team before the Spain Park game. This is just funny because it left me wondering how hard you would have to beat someone in football for piss physically to come from him/her.
"Ross, who the [censored] did you just throw that ball to?" - Coach Propst to the quarterback. This is funny because of how Propst said it. He enunciates every single syllable and it sounds funny.
"CahasfustomrunfelsofoASS!" - Coach Propst at practice. He needs subtitles like Don Vito! All I could understand was the word 'ass' strategically and emphatically thrown in.
"Some you boys think you scholarship worthy? Guess who holds that key? (dramatic pause) DING." - Coach Propst in the post-game talk. This is funny because even though his face lights up when he says the word "ding," Rush chooses to say, rather than exclaim, this word thus adding to its oratorical effectiveness.
"Get yo' ass in here, lazy bitches... That was the worst defensive football I have witnessed at Hoover High School. The WORST! The WORST! The WORST! That's em-damn-barrassing."- Coach Propst in the same post-game talk. He really did say "The WORST!" that many times. And em-damn-barrassing? Someone call Webster's!
"There's a thief coming tonight... at 7 p.m. to Wildcat Field. Get up in their grill! Stick one in their earhole! Knock. Them. Off. Their. Feet. God bless everyone of ya."- Chaplain Slay in one of his speeches. Stick WHAT in their earhole, Chaplain?
"I don't mind losing; it's the way in which we lost." - Coach Propst referring to Tuscaloosa County loss. Oh Coach Propst, are you SURE that you don't mind losing? Are you just sure? Cause you had me fooled.
"Max, its a touchdown for Vestavia 'cause you're a dumbass. Get off the field - you may not be a player but you can look like one!" - Coach Pruitt to Max. So THAT'S how points are distributed. Dumbasses 0, Nondumbasses 7.
"Tonight is the time to be a bold witness.... For the Buccaneers! Stare your destiny in the face... tonight that destiny is wearing red and blue!" - Coach Slay referring to beating Vestavia, at least I think he is. I'm starting not to be able to tell if we're talking about football, a cult or both.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
So I just got off of the phone with a friend of mine who just took a job at a private school here in Nashville. She called to tell me that she was offered the job, which is exciting, but even more exciting is the encounter that took place on her way into the interview!
She walked into the main office and saw a thin blonde woman leaning against the counter, talking to the receptionist. Upon hearing the door open, thin blonde turned around and said "hi" to my friend. Once my friend saw the thin blonde's face, she recognized who it was: FAITH FREAKIN HILL! MY FRIEND WORKS WHERE FAITH HILL AND TIM MCGRAW'S KIDS GO TO SCHOOL! AND IF THAT ISN'T ENOUGH? MARTINA MCBRIDE'S KIDS GO THERE TOO!!!!!!!!!! I am contemplating a new career as a lunch lady or gym teacher or something. It's common knowledge here that Tim or Faith take their kids to school everyday (they don't get a nanny or someone to do it) so my friend will likely be seeing a lot of Mr. and Mrs. McGraw around campus.
Naturally, I told her to sign me up for the PTA newsletter and to go ahead and buy me a ticket to the Christmas show. I am going to stalk something fierce out of that school. Haha!
Celebrities, consider yourself warned! You can run but you can't hide!!!!!
at 1:44 PM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Sunday, September 03, 2006
So, a funny story. Funny now, of course, but at the time, not so much.
I moved into my new room on August 12. My lovely roomie had her spare room all cleared and ready to go and had made way for me in the linen closet, bathroom, etc. It was great!
Over the past few weeks, when I wasn't out of town or at work, I was trying to get my room set up. It really deflates your spirit when all of your stuff is in Rubbermaid/cardboard boxes, as well as suitcases, as my stuff has seemed to stay for the past year and a half. It affects your emotions. I already feel like a nomad, living out of boxes only reinforces it. The second-to-last major hurtle was getting a desk, which I accomplished last weekend when I brought an extra desk here from Birmingham. I immediately went to work setting up my computer and filling the drawers with my stationery and notepads pens and stamps and other stuff I accrued in college. It felt great to be emptying boxes, even greater to throw some stuff away (including everything pink, purple and lime) and INCREDIBLY great to be organized again! I put up my picture frames on my desk and dresser, I bought a new shade for my lamp (because I threw away the shade I decorated with pink fringe my freshman year), hung some stuff on the walls and my dried bridesmaid bouquets that I CAREFULLY brought back from AL were the finishing touch. Everything was starting to come together and look like the bedroom of a sophisticated young adult/college graduate.
Except one thing: I could not get the internet to work in my room!
This is important to me for a lot of reasons, more than I think my roommate expected or realized. Of course there's e-mail. I need to get Skype so that I can talk to my best friend who will be in Italy all fall. I use Instant Messenger to stay in touch with some of my friends that I just can't seem to get a hold of otherwise. And now that Sister is engaged, I want to be free to look at stuff that she sends to me - venues, dresses, etc. - any time of day. (Notice Facebook is not even on that list: I do enough of that at work.)
So anyway, my roommate is in sales and uses this condo as her home office, so her employer provides her with a modem and pays for her internet connection. DSL doesn't even show up on her bills from Bellsouth. We didn't want to tamper with the current arrangement nor did we want to add service that I was going be paying for by myself. Due to that, I knew that getting the internet set up wasn't going to be simple. I call Bellsouth. She calls Bellsouth. She calls her employer. We ask our landlord (her boyfriend). No one is 100% sure what do but everyone offers a different solution.
So this all kicks off when I go to CompUSA and purchase - upon Bellsouth's recommendation - a USB adaptor. I install it, plug it in, it doesn't work. I figured it wouldn't because that would be too easy. First try? Like that ever works for me. It wants a password to get on my roommate's wireless network (her employer has it secured). Someone tells me to go get a Router, because I need that. So, even though Bellsouth has told me that the brand of modem she has is ALSO a router for wireless connection, I go back to CompUSA and buy a router. Well, of course that doesn't work. I still need a password, and the installation for the Router tells me I need a modem, too. To say I am frustrated at this point would be an understatement.
So the next day I go BACK to CompUSA, where they now know me by name. I cannot think of anything else that this ordeal will require short of a new computer, so rather than buy out the inventory of the whole store, I take my modem and call it a day.
You know the drill - install, set it up, for whatever reason it still doesn't work. Now I am threatening - albeit in jest- to move out. Roommate calls employer. I call Bellsouth and finally talk to someone who understands! We walk through how to find the password to get on the wireless network. The phone call goes downhill when we discover that to access the password, you have to know another password. I begin to think my roommate works for the CIA, as secure as her computer is.
Now let me just say this much: I am by no means technologically savvy, but ever since my Dad brought home our first Macintosh in 5th grade, I've always been the one to fix the computer. My parents lacked the technological understanding and my sister lacked the patience. I've had to set up my computer about 20 times since I moved to school and figure out how to get internet connection in about 5 different ways. I installed a new CD drive in my old computer my junior year and even had to create a browser (like Internet Explorer) for a class project senior year. I'm not brilliant, but I'm "smarter than the average bear" when it comes to this kind of stuff. Therefore, not being able to fix a computer issue is unnerving, because it's a computer issue first of all, and secondly because I hate not being able to fix my issues - but that's another whole post!
Fully exasperated and at my wit's end, I pack up the $200 worth of useless wireless equipment and return it to CompUSA. My last resort is my roommate's suggestion: run a cord through the condo from her super secure modem to my computer. The idea of a cord running through the condo never occurred to me because our computers don't share a wall and I'm trying not to backslide to the ways of dormitory life with unsightly cords taped to the walls and doorways. Nonetheless, I pick up a 25-foot-long Ethernet cord at WalMart and start dreaming of ways that this could go wrong or require another long phone call from Bellsouth.
But of course it doesn't, because that's how my life tends to work. $200 and 3 trips to CompUSA for useless crap, or $20 for a long-ass Ethernet cable that works on the first try? Exactly.
at 12:58 PM
Friday, September 01, 2006
Dear Every Single Person On Facebook Whose Status Has Something To Do With Football Season Starting,
TWIST THE KNIFE A LITTLE DEEPER, okay?
Dear New Coffee Mug That I Picked Up From Pier One,
I only spent $6 on you and have had you for three weeks, and yet you garner more compliments than any outfit I've worn to the office in the past three months.
Ironic. And a little frustrating.
Dear All The Cute Boys I Find On Facebook,
Damn it, why were you all born in 1988?!? I bet you don't even know what a Fraggle Rock is.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Dear anonymous co-workers who think they are too good to make a new pot of coffee when they empty the pot,
MOTHER TRUCKER! How hard can a pot of coffee be for you to make?!? It's a beverage, not a baby! It's not like you even have to stand there while the pot brews: New filter, 4 scoops, start brew then LEAVE! If I catch you, I'm going to smash the empty pot over your head.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
So it's a good thing I specified in my post last week that people aren't allowed to get married until 2007 - because THAT'S WHEN JENNIE AND JAMIE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!
Yay! Sister is engaged and I FINALLY get a brother! This is very exciting news :) I think a haiku is in order:
Yes, she's pretty, but
the rest of us are crazy.
You are brave, Jamie!
Yippee skippee yippee skippee!
at 10:51 AM
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
"People that meet their spouse in college should have to pay money into a fund for those of us that do not."
I love this quote. I read it in a book earlier this spring (the name of which has eluded me) but the fact of the matter is: It's so true! For a while I thought the "fund" was intended for us single people to go out and have fun, but now I understand the underlying and true meaning of the fund.
I have been overwhelmed lately with setting up house. NOW I GET why people LOVE to get married right out of college - your secret's out, married people! You don't have to buy crap for your house! Everyone gives you brand new stuff that YOU get to pick out! This is brilliant. I've had an inkling to go start my own registry for upcoming holidays (Christmas, birthday... I guess neither of those are really 'upcoming' but oh well). That way, instead of me going out and buying a pots or pans or wine glasses, YOU PEOPLE (er... my mom and dad) can get them for me, saving me the money and the time! This is not as zany as it sounds. One of my sorority sisters actually did this. At the time I thought she was being funny but now I see that she was being PRACTICAL. I should have jumped on the bandwagon sooner because I just bought sheets and a down comforter and I know for a fact that people register for those and throw showers JUST for brides and grooms to receive those. See, if I'd registered, for graduation or my birthday I could've gotten people to get that kind of stuff for me. Maybe I'll just throw myself a housewarming party. Bring me something! Or a "Pounding" party where everyone brings me a pound of something that I need. I still need more towels, if anyone is feeling generous. For now, I will just continue to use my family's hand-me-downs as well as all of the pink and purple and lime crap that I bought for my dorm room because I thought those colors were awesome but turns out they SCREAM adolescence. I wish someone had told me that before I raced out and bought pink and purple and lime and yellow EVERYTHING - plates, cups, curtains, trashcan, mousepad, lamp, sheets... my dorm room in college looked like a Crayola box threw up on it.
On a totally unrelated subject - well not really, since I was kind of talking about people getting married while they are young - am I the only one who was hoping Jessica and Nick would win Female/Male "Hotties" (I hate that word) of the Year at the Teen Choice Awards, so they would have had to get on stage at the same time and give dual acceptance speeches? That would have been hilarious. Oh well. There's always next year.
at 11:14 AM
Friday, August 18, 2006
Hello world! I am sorry I have been MIA lately. August has been a crazy month. I think I can best sum it up with a list:
THINGS I AM SICK OF DOING AND CAN WAIT UNTIL 2007 (if not later) TO DO AGAIN:
1. Moving - Not only have I not stayed in one place for more than 8 months since high school, I have moved my crap I think 20 times. I tried to count, but I lost track. It's ridiculous. I don't plan on moving again until at LEAST May of 2007. Try me! Moving takes an emotional toll on me. I already feel like a nomad, living out of boxes doesn't help!
2. Funerals - Grandparents, I miss each of you dearly, but dying in successful years (2004, 2005, 2006) and in one case, 7 months apart, was not cool. I know you didn't plan it and couldn't help it. But since you're with Him, tell Jesus to hold off a little while before taking the last one... or anyone else I love for that matter.
3. Weddings - WHO IS THERE LEFT TO GET MARRIED? Besides me?! Luckily, wedding season is about to end and football season is beginning, because I am just wedding-ed out. It's like the Bearenstein Bears "Too Much Birthday" book. Too many weddings! Stop the madness!
4. Divorces - Just because it affects more people than you and your ex-spouse, does NOT mean that you need to drag all affected parties into the sitaution, or make instances that have NOTHING to do with your divorce into an instance that does.
On a more positive note, things are great in Nashville. Remember that affordable apartment in a good location? I found something even BETTER! A roommate! With a great apartment that's in a great location and is even MORE affordable! Yay for answered prayers and stellar roommates. I have finally settled my stuff into the new apartment and am loving the living situation. Of course I continue to stay spoiled as God continues to drop obvious, perfect answers to my prayers into my lap at the last minute for like the third time in a row. One day I am going to have to be proactive and have to make a decision without a clear-cut best option, heaven forbid. I'm having my first visitor this weekend (besides my mom), so that is exciting. AND work is great! I just got back from my first business trip to Smalltown, TN. It was so fun. I came home from Pawpaw's funeral on Monday, packed all my stuff back up to head out of town and was not really looking forward to it, but ended up enjoying myself as we explored the city. I'll try to write more about that visit later, because I really did see a lot of interesting things (mullets go without saying). I got to go to the American Idol concert last Thursday and it was a BLAST. I really am so blessed. Even though I gripe and complain about certain circumstances I call "misfortunes," I know that one day, God will turn all of it into glory.
Fun things coming down the pipe: a visit to Memphis to see a dear friend (among other things!), more visits from friends and FOOTBALL SEASON! I am not sure how many games I'll get to attend, but you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be watching them all! WAR EAGLE!
My text message bill
costs a fortune, but so much
smiling is priceless!!
Errands, errands, er-
rands! Lately I feel like the
ERRANDS have run ME.
You should be really
jealous that my grandparents
weren't yours. They were studs!
at 10:50 AM